Lust ruining love

LegacyUser

I am beginning to think Im not normal. I have had many girlfriends over the year and many of them have been wonderful women. All these relationships have fallen on the same sword, they eventually find out about my cheating. The problem is I just cant stay sexually satisfied with just one woman and when Im in a relationship I am always still out on the scene and having one night stands and even going on dates with other women.
I could say goodbye to my girlfriend at 8pm on a Saturday evening and by 3am Sunday morning be in bed screwing some stranger.
When I was younger I didn't really think much about this but Im 31 now and most of my friends are talking about getting married and such and Im still at this carry on.
I love the thrill of the chase and first time sex is always the best sex. Have I some sort of problem or is this just who I am?

SarahSassy

Its what you do not who you are.. You have the ability to choose your actions. If you want to go on like this then you should not be in a steady relationship. Its no fair on your partner.

messygirl

If you are addicted to sex you have a problem
If you cant stop cheating you have a problem
If you cant stop trying to have sex with strangers while your girlf is at home you have a problem.
But saying that, that is just how you are.

I dont think a remedy to this can be found on boards, you need to see someone and work through potential commitment issues. next time you meet someone you really like you are just going to have to tell them "open relationship".

You haven't said if you feel guilty? Do you want to be in a relationship? It really isn't fair to go out with someone knowing for definite you will cheat on them, and it is highly unlikely a woman will be able to stop you wanting to cheat. Are you happy just being single now? As long as you are single, have been tested for stds and use protection you are entitled to act whatever way you want to, but when someone else is involved it's their happiness at stake too.

It is not a problem in that you are weird or anything, lots of people cheat (too many in my opinion and I am in no way condoning it) But you are jeopardising your health, happiness, your future and your finances (what if one or more of these girls falls pregnant, or uses you to get pregnant and you end up getting a chunk taken out of your paycheck every month?) Its a problem because any of these problems has consequences for you which are not worth a tumble in bed, no matter how great the sex is!

LegacyUser

You dont have a problem. Your just doing what most men wish they had the guts to do.

The Recliner

Unregistered wrote: »

You dont have a problem. Your just doing what most men wish they had the guts to do.

I wouldn't be too sure about most men wanting to do that

personally speaking I have no wish to cheat and would hate myself if I ever did

it is a choice, you can choose not to cheat, maybe the OP just wasn't ready to settle down and be in a relationship

not yet

It's the thrill of the chase, Why not stay out of relationships and fill your boots all you like....or is it that you like the comfort a relationship gives you,but like fcuking other women on the side. deep down you know its unfair on any partner you have, I suspect when you meet some who relly blows you away you'll settle down, I did !!!

Lux23

OP. Have you ever thought about seeking a more open realtionship with a woman? Or would it bother you if your girlfriend was doing the exact same thing?

LegacyUser

"first time sex is always the best sex."

Maybe thats what floats your boat or whatever, but I really find that statement surprising. I've always found sex to get better and better over time.

If you cant stay faithful then maybe you shouldnt try. See if you can find someone to pursue an open relationship with. I've done that before and tbh it worked fine (mostly because the sex was great but I wasnt that into him otherwise but thats another story).

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

I am beginning to think Im not normal. I have had many girlfriends over the year and many of them have been wonderful women. All these relationships have fallen on the same sword, they eventually find out about my cheating. The problem is I just cant stay sexually satisfied with just one woman and when Im in a relationship I am always still out on the scene and having one night stands and even going on dates with other women.
I could say goodbye to my girlfriend at 8pm on a Saturday evening and by 3am Sunday morning be in bed screwing some stranger.
When I was younger I didn't really think much about this but Im 31 now and most of my friends are talking about getting married and such and Im still at this carry on.
I love the thrill of the chase and first time sex is always the best sex. Have I some sort of problem or is this just who I am?

Sounds to me like a solid case of sex-addition.

It may seem a slight problem now, but it will ruin your life if you don't do something about it.

LegacyUser

I can identify. Thing is I dont have any interest in changing. I also dont think about sex in a 'normal' way, I have discovered. I can have sex with a man and walk away and forget about it straight away, I dont feel anything negative emotionally, neither shame or the supposed 'degradation' you are supposed to feel if you have casual sex.
I feel no different than if I ate a burger and forgot about it. Once its consumed its gone.

The moral handwringing people go on with about sex goes over my head to tell you the truth.

I think the supposed definintion of an addiction is something that is causing you problems in your life and from your post there I think that is the case.

I suppose you will have to go get counselling. You will never think like the majority of people who associate sex with love and relationships rather than a nice piece of disposable recreation. I personally dont see anything wrong with just sex but the rest of the world does apparently.

I think you will have to choose between the girlfriend and the numbers. I also would like to replay the type of sex that is had in the initial stages of a relationship and on first time meetings. Its impossible to replicate and get that same kick any other way. Because of this I have often cycled through relationships and discarded them when they go into the boring 'comfortable' stage.

You are not 'normal' according to what society judges as normal but you are normal for you. BUT please dont do this to your girlfriend any more, you might give her a disease and she doesn't deserve it. Counselling.

LegacyUser

You're just not ready for a relationship yet. So don't bother having one. Just stay single until you find the right girl.
Going out and picking up someone on a night out is a great thrill and the sex is exciting and hot. But there is no magic in it, you'll find some woman who will make your heart pound just by looking at you. Then you'll experience what great sex is and never waste your time cheating again.

LegacyUser

ouch. if a one night stand is the best you've ever had I feel really sorry for you. I'd look at self esteem issues & stay clear of relationships for a while. Humans are at the core of it animals. Its only down to conditioning from society that we are so morally guarded. & in my experience & that of 'experts' & talking to my friends, the more you know & trust someone the less guarded you become & the better (& wilder the sex gets). Maybe thats what intimidates you? Who says love & romance have to dominate over sex & new relationships?

NickNolte

You're entitled to do what you want as an adult although I'd recommend that you stay out of relationships as it's not fair to your OH if you cheat. In fact it's pretty deplorable. Just stay out of relationships and continue on your way though... problem solved. You get your jollies and nobody gets hurt!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

You dont have a problem. Your just doing what most men wish they had the guts to do.

Nonsense. Most 31-year-old men are more interested in a meaningful, loving, long-term relationship with one woman than serial one-night stands (particularly one-night stands behind someone's back).

OP, there's nothing wrong with liking sex, and IMO there's nothing wrong with a 31-year-old being more interested in sex than a relationship (despite what "society" will tell you), but there is something wrong with screwing over other people because of it. If all you're after is sex, fair enough, but the decent thing to do is to make sure anyone you get involved with knows this from the beginning. The other decent thing to do is that if you're no longer satisfied by the woman you're with and want to be with someone else, break it off with them first. Sneaking around behind someone's back is not something a real man does.

Eve_Dublin

NickNolte wrote: »

You're entitled to do what you want as an adult although I'd recommend that you stay out of relationships as it's not fair to your OH if you cheat. In fact it's pretty deplorable. Just stay out of relationships and continue on your way though... problem solved. You get your jollies and nobody gets hurt!

Absolutely....if gettin' your rocks off with loads of different women is what you like to do, then go for it.No one can talk you into preferring sex with a woman you love as opposed to a different woman every night of the week. That's your problem/kink/desire. I'm an advocate for doing what you want to do as long as you don't hurt anybody else. Ireland is a small country and the chances of your OH finding out what you're up to is very likely and even if she doesn't, could you live with the deceit? Do you want to hurt the woman you claim to love and respect? Cheating is wrong. I hate cheaters and believe there's never any excuse for it. Finish it with your current girlfriend and carry on your merry way.

NickNolte

There's also the issue of STD's; regardless of whether you're taking precautions or not. If you're having lots of one night stands with lots of women and catch something nasty, at least keep it in your 'swinging'/high risk circle. It's a disgrace to pretend to be in a monogamous relationship and to put your partner under that kind of risk without her knowledge.

LegacyUser

How the hell do you get so much sex with random women at any time during the night??!!

You must be a good looking man who has the world going for them and have so much to your personality that so many women want a piece of you! I hope you meet a woman who challenges you enough that all you can do is respect her and see if that makes any difference. Otherwise it's gonna cost you alot of money keeping yourself sexually satisfied when you get old and wrinkly!!

galwaybob

At least you are getting a bit on the side. I wouldn't complain if I was you.

Novella

Unregistered wrote: »

I am beginning to think Im not normal. I have had many girlfriends over the year and many of them have been wonderful women. All these relationships have fallen on the same sword, they eventually find out about my cheating. The problem is I just cant stay sexually satisfied with just one woman and when Im in a relationship I am always still out on the scene and having one night stands and even going on dates with other women.
I could say goodbye to my girlfriend at 8pm on a Saturday evening and by 3am Sunday morning be in bed screwing some stranger.
When I was younger I didn't really think much about this but Im 31 now and most of my friends are talking about getting married and such and Im still at this carry on.
I love the thrill of the chase and first time sex is always the best sex. Have I some sort of problem or is this just who I am?

You say you can't stay sexually satisfied with one woman. Then stop getting into relationships. You know for a fact that you're going to cheat so save everyone the heartache and don't bother committing yourself momentarily. It's not fair.

There is nothing wrong with not wanting a relationship. A lot of people, especially nowadays, never settle down with one person so if you're asking if that is unusual or a problem, it's not. Generally, people flit from person to person in their teens and twenties but if you find at 31 you're still interested in doing that then do so, that's fine. I think the problem here is the fact that you're involving women you know you're going to hurt. There is no reason to do so. Unless you seriously think you are not going to cheat on women do not ask her out.