How to make break up last

LegacyUser

things have always been up and down with me and my boyfriend. Personally, i think it's time to take a deep breathe and move on. One problem... when i do eventually break up with him how do i make that last? i'm fickle but i know in the long term separation is better for both of us. How do i practically avoid falling for him again? No contact is clearly the answer..but..tell me that in two months time...

LegacyUser

best solution if you don't want to fall into a relationship with him again is to change your mobile number, erase his and possibly meet someone on the rebound in order to simply forget him.

Wibbs

Good advice except for the rebound bit.

OK ask yourself this; do you still fancy him? If so, I strongly suspect you'll keep going back until one day you look at him differently. Then it'll stick.

Novella

Delete his number, change yours and block him from any profiles etc that you may have on the internet. Probably seems a little dramatic but if you have no willpower it has to be done.
Or.... You could just say it to him upfront, that you need space as in not talking to him so if you call him or whatever, ask him not to answer.

I'm not exactly sure what the reasoning is behind ending it but if he has done something to upset you, keep reminding yourself that he is not good for you and then it should be easier for you to move on.

LegacyUser

So right...just thinking about changing my number makes me relax a little more .. but heck it's easier said than done.

Escapism

i broke up with my ex and the only thing that worked was silence!! BUT i did cancel my bebo page and set up facebook at the time and I removed all physical memories from my flat .... all very hard but necessary!

asmobhosca

i think it depends on how you feel about the person.
If its a bad break up then and hes no good for you then the above advice is good, change number etc.

However if you still want to have this person as a friend and still care about him although not in a sexual/romantic way then just ask them not to contact you for a while, and DONT meet up with him!!!!!

I'm still friends with my ex even though we broke up 3 years ago and we still talk and meet up now and then for a chat, but were both in different relationships.
The first 6 months are the hardest if you really loved them but it does get easier over time.
We still care about each other but we would never get back together, there is always a good reason relationships fail, whats meant to be will be.

marbar

changing your number is a little extreme, there might be practical reasons that you need to contact each other if you were together for a while
just say you want no contact and ignore unless it's important

easily said again though

kmart6

Why change her number?! The hassle of that....having to let everyone know you've changed it just to avoid him!

[Jackass]

Aw I don't know man...changing the number? Deleting him from all contacts? What's next, move house?

How sh*t would that feel for the guy? He'd be heart broken AND have to deal with the fact that this person does not even want to acknowledge he exists!!

If he cheated or something, that would be fair enough, but it sounds like OP just doesn't feel the same anymore, or that it just doesn't work but may be on good terms (correct me if wrong OP).

I'd suggest being mature and sitting down and explaining WHY you feel this way, make him understand WHY you can't be in the relationship anymore and that (if you do of course) really care about him but that you want him to be happy and you want to be happy too, and you know that you can't find that with eachoter.

Acknowledge to him that you know this must feel horrible for him, and it feels horrible for you too, but it's in both your interests and you both need to move on.

Tell him you REALLY don't want any contact for a few months, ask him to respect that. Ignore any calls or texts and tell him that you will do that. Wish him well and say goodbye.

You'll feel awful walking away, he'll probably be devistated, and it'll be so difficult to leave somebody you care about in that condition, but I honestly believe that is the best way to break up, with no bad blood.

He will contact you, possibly even frantically in the days or even weeks following, this is the crucial point of making it stick...if you ignore long enough, he will get the message. Don't even read texts in case it pulls you back in and don't listen to voicemails...he'll eventually begin to let go and he may or may not grow resentful, but if you harbour any ambitions of friendship in the future, that ball will be in his court, not yours...

You could contact him in a few months to see how he is if you like, but only in the knowledge that you've made the right decision and have accepted that and harbour no desire to get back. Any weakness and you'll fall back in.

He may not reply. That is the sad time you realise not only is it lost forever, but you've lost a great friend forever...that fuc*king stings man...all the suffering isn't on the break-upee....it's just as sole destroying and painful being the breakuper.

But if you reject his affection, don't be surprised if he rejects your friendship.

Be prepaired for all of this and the only way to go through with it is to be 100% sure that it's what you want and what's right for you. Once you put those wheels in motion, you can never turn back.

scrubs

to be honest, if you feel that your going to fall for him again, u need to think are you really happy without him? i think if you still hav feelingd for him a break up is no good for either of you , and you dont want to be playin with his mind by breaking up and get back wit him few days later, if you turely wanted to break up u wouldnt fall for him again

jasonbourme.cs

breakups are a pretty tricky thing sometimes so you need to think things through first

if your going through a breakup and makeup cycle you need to identify what part of the relationship is it that's making you resort to this . if its something major that you cant see each other moving past ,
then there's no point in remaining in the relationship if you have no future .

once you identify this every time you think about getting back with your ex .
just think about the reason(s) you left them in the first place.

once you do make that final break id recommend some distance as well tho , definately change your number , delete theirs , remove links to them facebook, bebo etc.

if their absence creates space / time in your life that your not sure how to deal with( and find yourself missing the comforting side of the prev relationship ) try taking up new hobbies bringing new people / friends into your life.

hope it works out whatever you choose

LegacyUser

why would you give advice to change your phone number! how can someone be so cruel as to dump someone, then just ignore that person by changing their number! have you people no feelings at all. talk to your boyfiend - tell him its not working out and just tick to your guns. you said its not working for you. but dont just erase the poor guy from your life like that by changing your number. dont be so selfish and cruel.

Tar.Aldarion

[Jackass] wrote: »

Aw I don't know man...changing the number? Deleting him from all contacts? What's next, move house?

How sh*t would that feel for the guy? He'd be heart broken AND have to deal with the fact that this person does not even want to acknowledge he exists!!

If he cheated or something, that would be fair enough, but it sounds like OP just doesn't feel the same anymore, or that it just doesn't work but may be on good terms (correct me if wrong OP).

I'd suggest being mature and sitting down and explaining WHY you feel this way, make him understand WHY you can't be in the relationship anymore and that (if you do of course) really care about him but that you want him to be happy and you want to be happy too, and you know that you can't find that with eachoter.

Acknowledge to him that you know this must feel horrible for him, and it feels horrible for you too, but it's in both your interests and you both need to move on.

Tell him you REALLY don't want any contact for a few months, ask him to respect that. Ignore any calls or texts and tell him that you will do that. Wish him well and say goodbye.

You'll feel awful walking away, he'll probably be devistated, and it'll be so difficult to leave somebody you care about in that condition, but I honestly believe that is the best way to break up, with no bad blood.

He will contact you, possibly even frantically in the days or even weeks following, this is the crucial point of making it stick...if you ignore long enough, he will get the message. Don't even read texts in case it pulls you back in and don't listen to voicemails...he'll eventually begin to let go and he may or may not grow resentful, but if you harbour any ambitions of friendship in the future, that ball will be in his court, not yours...

You could contact him in a few months to see how he is if you like, but only in the knowledge that you've made the right decision and have accepted that and harbour no desire to get back. Any weakness and you'll fall back in.

He may not reply. That is the sad time you realise not only is it lost forever, but you've lost a great friend forever...that fuc*king stings man...all the suffering isn't on the break-upee....it's just as sole destroying and painful being the breakuper.

But if you reject his affection, don't be surprised if he rejects your friendship.

Be prepaired for all of this and the only way to go through with it is to be 100% sure that it's what you want and what's right for you. Once you put those wheels in motion, you can never turn back.

This is good advice, have the respect for him to sit down and talk to him about why you are breaking up with him, don't leave him wondering, that's horrible. Don't do any of that phone number changing crap.