How long to wait before contacting ex...?

LegacyUser

Hi everyone,

I suppose I'll try keep it short.

Travelled 6000 miles to visit her almost two weeks, mid-way through the week she decided it wasn't what she wanted. We had been seeing each other for 5 months. Had spent about 2months there at beginning of the year with work, and shes been home here for a bit too. She wasn't very clear as to her reasons, but I think it came down to simply fear due to her own past experiences/relationships.

I'm just wondering how long is reasonable to wait before contacting her again or saying hello? Should I wait for her? (She has built a VERY big emotional wall, and I wouldn't be surprised it she didn't contact me for quite some time).
I'm due to travel to her city again with work for a several months in a 3/4 weeks......

Thanks for your input

prinz

Wait until you're in her city, and maybe contact her again as a friend just to say hello.

Astrogeek

My first instinct would be to leave her alone and wait and see if she contacts you.
Does she know that you will be there in a few weeks?

LegacyUser

hi, thanks.

Yep, shes known from the beginning that I'd be there and about my travel plans. In anticipation she'd even booked some things for us to do while I'd be there, concerts and the like.
Even while I was there for the week (2 weeks ago) she mentioned staying with her at weekends etc. She just did a 180 on it all so quickly, and completly closed up emotionally.

Of course the reason I ask this today is because the last two nights I've almost sent emails, just a "hello how are you" type thing, with some pics of some of the stuff that we'd done while I was there the other week. Just scenery pics, nothing with me or her in them, well, me anyway ;-)

G-Money

To be honest, I wouldn't bother contacting her ever again. She's said it isn't what she wanted so what do you have to gain by getting in touch? Nothing. If you are genuinely ok with being friends with her, fair enough. But try to avoid saying you are ok with being friends when in your heart you know its not enough and not what you really want. I'd only get in touch if you are no longer interested in her as girlfriend material. If you haven't reached that point, it's only going to be painful.

I really don't understand society's need to be friends with an ex. If you aren't going out with them anymore, why bother staying in touch, especially if doing so is only going to cause you heartache. I always get the feeling if you agree to stay friends with an ex the reality of the situation is that both people know the other is still interested. Yet the person who ended it still gets to lean on the other person emotionally while all the time the other person hopes that this emotional intimacy will somehow make something magically happen or make them get back together. Until a few weeks later when the person who ended it starts seeing someone else and the person who was dumped starts sitting in dark rooms listening to Radiohead.

Gyalist

So she rejected you and yet you feel the need to contact her? Why?

This comes down to basic self-respect. The onus is on her to do the contacting. When you are next in her city, go out and get on with your life and don't even attempt to contact her.

towel401

this shiz with staying just friends will just make ya depressed in the long run, brotha. not worth the trouble mang