Confused

newbies12345

Am breaking up with my long-term boyfriend. Anyhow that obviously is the major issue but just to add more colour I ended up going off with someone at the weekend, it's the first time this has ever happened and was very drunk - i'm not excusing my behaviour and I know it was essentially infidelity, even though we are breaking up, and there's no going back from that. It was with a guy I knew from ages ago and it was a fairly intense night - I have been very frustrated and bored sexually for a long time and it was a major release. The next morning I felt awful and told him about my boyfriend and how we were breaking up etc and left as soon as I could. He rang later, I didn't answer but we did text for a bit. He said he would like to meet me again if I'd like to and said to give him a call when I wanted. He texted again a couple of days later, just chatty texts.

I'm a bit confused now cos in one hand I'd love to text him or hear from him but in the other I know I shouldn't really and should just focus on moving on from break-up without 'crutching' on to someone or something that might only hurt more in the end.. I can't stop thinking about the passion and spark that was there but am also being realistic - he had great s*x with me so why wouldn't he want to see me again for more of that - it doesn't mean he'd actually like to go out with me. And I don't really know if I would like to go out with him anyhow.. it's hardly an ideal way to get together with someone..

Anyhow am just on here because I'm not really talking to anyone about the situation at the moment. Myself and the boyfriend have agreed to move out of our flat first (which we're doing this weekend/next week) and then tell people..

Nitxteha

Be careful with this new guy, now. You are vulnerable and as you said, confused. Give yourself time after the breakup for meeting somebody else. It's not good to jump from one relationship to another. And, although you think this is over 100% with your boyfriend, not until you are appart you will know for sure. Try not to do things you may regret in thefuture.

Good luck

newbies12345

Thanks Nitxteha, I think you're right. and I know you're certainly right about doing things I regret!

kittenkiller

If you're no longer in a relationship with your bf, then you did nothing wrong by any means.
Relax and give yourself a break.

A rebound relationship might take you're mind off things and flatter you for a while, but these things rarely last and if you're looking to rediscover your sexual freedom, ending up in another relationship might not be the best idea.

Best of luck OP, enjoy yourself!

LegacyUser

OP -I think you should deal with your break up before getting involved with somebody else. It was an ego boost to get together with somebody but why not take time out to catch your breath and play the field a bit before getting tied into one man so soon.

newbies12345

Thanks for your advice Kittenkiller and unregistered. I know you are right, I really do know underneath it all that I need some space but I am very tempted to meet this other guy again.. it won't be for a few weeks anyhow if I do at all.. I'm not really looking to 'sow my oats' really, I don't have the ability to just sleep around and not get attached somehow.. I would like to meet someone else but I understand that these are not the best circumstances to be with someone else and I do need some time.. Thanks for your kind words though.

messygirl

Truthfully it depends how you feel about this other guy:

if it is just a fling have him as many times as you want as long as you are safe and in control. If you feel yourself becoming emotionally attached leave straight away! It is more than likely transference (ie going from being someones girlf to being single and you may feel the need to fill a void and transfer your feelings onto him)

If you really like him leave it for at least 2 months. By that time he may be seeing someone else but at least its better than rushing into it.

You are young, free, (almost) single so have your fun while you can (without jeopardising yourself, your self esteem or your ethics) before you meet the future mr newbies12345! You deserve a casual fling with great sex after coming out of a long term, boring sex relationship!

best of luck, have fun!

newbies12345

It's been a while since I wrote and in that time I have broken up with boyfriend, it's been a tough time. I was originally texting the other guy for a while and he suggested meeting up once it was all over with the boyfriend and i said yes but didn't really reference it again in other text messages. We were texting for a while but I did not really mention anything about meeting up and so the texting just phased out I suppose. Not in a bad way or anything, like I know if I texted him now he probably would get back to me. But the texting wasn't going anywhere I suppose and I'd say he just got bored with it.

I would just like your advice on if you think maybe i could text or myspace him again. In a way I'd love just to meet up for a chat or something and see if I do like him (sober) and all that, but it has been a little while, he may have met someone else and I don't want it to look like I'm throwing myself at him.. given that he hasn't texted in a while.

Any advice on this is appreciated. Maybe I should just forget about it entirely but a part of me would just like to know if there is anything there or not. and I know this is partly a distraction for me too.

LegacyUser

Hi I've just been reading the previous posts and they struck a chord with me. I'm kind of in the same situation but coming from the other side. I was with a guy who was going through a hard breakup, we met a few times and texted on and off for a few months. He was interested but basically not ready for a relationship. I know there was something there between us and it still feels unresolved so I know that if he called and asked me out I'd go along. I would be cautious as I'm sure the new guy will be with you and to be honest if I was seeing someone new I wouldn't think bad of him texting as I know it was at a hard time that we met. I think my guy needed time and I think you needed time so I say go for it, text him, what have you got to lose, you'll know soon enough if you're ready for a new relationship...