What do I do?

LegacyUser

I am at avery lonely confused pointin my marriage.Ihave been married for 13 years, It has been difficult from the beginning. My husband has always as I have seen it not had a lot of respect for me. He has let his family treat me very disrespectfully didnt take time for my birthday things like that. Recently however he has begun to remember my birthday and get things for me fr christmas. He tells me he wants to grow old together however he tells me he wants to share everything and be friends yet I finaly have begun to share everything and discuss all with him as he requested yet he still makes decisions with out talking to me I eventried to makeour marriage more sexual gone to strip clubs lap dances all of it. I decided to do this because he was looking at porn gay whatever strait doesnt matter. I told him I wanted to be part of it about a year ago he became obsessed with it. Now I found out even though he promised to share it he has been back looking athis gay porn. He even talks about a threesome me him and another man but actualy i dont think i have to even be in the equation. I am copmpletely open to fantasy but when you want to make it real and do it behind my back. I feel like this was the last knife shoved in my back. Everything on all levels wether it be sex family there is one expectation for me and one for him. All the promises we have made go right out the window. Do I have a right to be hurt by this he calls menames says im over sensative and just want to fight. I have screamed yelled cried and begged! YOu should no we also have three beautiful chidrebn Is it time to just get out? I need some serious advice I have no one to share any of this with!

SarahSassy

Oh God pet, you need to go to a marriage counsellor even if it is on your own. You sound at the end of your tether and I dont blame you. Take a step back. Try to get away for a weekend on your own or with your girlfriends and think and relax. You seem so wound up and unhappy. Try to rest and get away and then get some professional help ot deal with this.

DangerMouse27

Im a guy so il suggest short sharp shock to determine if he will come out of this and see what he is losing.

Tell him your going to leave him unless things improve,write it in a letter because i dont think you will be able to say it so clearly.Remind him of his responsabilities and commitments.Then go to your mothers or friends and wait on his response.

This should shock him enough

My heat goes out to you

DangerMouse27

Im a guy so il suggest short sharp shock to determine if he will come out of this and see what he is losing.

Tell him your going to leave him unless things improve,write it in a letter because i dont think you will be able to say it so clearly.Remind him of his responsabilities and commitments.Then go to your mothers or friends and wait on his response.

This should shock him enough

My heat goes out to you

prinz

You've been far to accommodating and lenient with him as it is. Of course he's going to push the boundaries of what he thinks he can get away with more and more and more. Foot --> Ass --> Door. Can't do any better than that. You do realise he's treating you better recently because he's trying to butter you up to go along with whatever he wants right?

strongbluebell

Do I have a right to be hurt by this he calls menames says im over sensative and just want to fight. I have screamed yelled cried and begged!


OP, yes of course you have a right to be hurt by this constant abuse.
But no one here can tell you whether or not you should leave your marriage.
You need some professional advice, firstly some counselling for your self.
After that maybe you'll be in a better place to consider what to do about your marriage. This sort of abuse wears down the victim and robs her self esteem.

One point maybe to help you decide what to do, how are your kids, are they witnessing what is going on. How is your husband treating them? Depending on how bad things are then maybe you do need to take immediate action.
http://www.womensaid.ie/