Strange?

LegacyUser

Do you think it's strange to get your ex and their new partner a house-warming pressent?
New partner and ex don't get on but a child is involved.

DangerMouse27

Is the child yours with the ex or the current lady?

Tough one!
sounds like you have moved on so why get them anything.Im sure the house will be fine without the vase! if the child is yours with the ex then yeah get something and sign it to the child!
'Dear Milly Hope you have fun in your lovely new house
Love DAD'
perfect!

VaioCruiser

Don't know wrote: »

Do you think it's strange to get your ex and their new partner a house-warming pressent?
New partner and ex don't get on but a child is involved.

Why can doing something nice and positive be a bad thing ? Sounds like a very mature and cool thing to me. For everyone and for the child too.

All the best

SarahSassy

A nice gesture like a bottle of wine. Nothing they have to keep and display as your ex's new partner may feel awkward about it. But if its only from your kid then I definitely would buy them something from him / her.

Nice thought though and well done on that.

Terodil

I personally wouldn't do it, but maybe that's just because I don't think I could be friends with exes. Additionally this act of kindness, as innocent and benevolent as it may be, might cause a rift between you and your current partner, but only you can know that. Please tread carefully.

cafecolour

I like the suggestion of a bottle of wine or similar. And a nice note - make sure it's addressed to both ex and new partner and signed from you and your current partner.

Nitxteha

Yes, it sounds strange to me. Unless you are totally cool and you are relieved that your ex is not with you anymore and the other person took over, and you want to thank him/her.

I'd save the money for a present for my child.

LegacyUser

I just wanted to see what people reactions were before I explained.
Myself and my partner received a gift from his ex who he has a young child with.

The situation is that my partner and I dated for a year and split up and got back with his ex 2 years ago. This happened mostly due to the fact that there was constant pressure from her for them to spend time as family most days. She claimed that the child (2 years old at the time) needed to be tucked in by both parents etc every night. She even tried to commit suicide when she found out he was going out with me. She then mentioned going for full custody of their child. So he gave in to what she wanted.
He broke up with me and I didn't argue. I loved him so much but I knew he hadn't got much choice (they only lasted 3 months). After a year we ended up getting back together.
They now have no contact unless it is necessary as they fight like cats and dogs if they do. They share joint custody of the child.
As you can imagine even though I love his child and I know his ex will always be around one way or the other I want nothing to do with her where possible( and I certainly don't want to see the crap she bought me in my new home).
I understand it's a nice gesture but I can't help reading into it.
Is she genuinely trying to put the past behind us or like she did last time, is she trying to make out that she has changed so that she can start manipulating him again? He doesn't love her but he would do anything for his daughter like most dads.


Sorry that turned into a rant.

So how should I react? Should I be the bigger person or send it back?

starchild

treat it for what it is until you know better, its a present , send back a thank you card from you both and leave it at that. Why drag up old hurts , it sounds to me like all 3 of you went through a really bad time.

if you cant bear to have it on display then stick it in the attic

LegacyUser

Personaly I would get rid of it.... Wheather she is trying to start afresh or not. I couldn't sit there looking at something my boyfriends ex gave us. It would only put me in a bad mood!

sbsquarepants

Bin it. It will only annoy you and be a focal point or even starting point for arguments. Your boyfriend only needs to have a relationship with the child, not the mother. It would be great if everyone could just get along but simple fact is 9 times out of 10 they just can't.

messygirl

Keep it, be fake nice, send a thank you card.

He is with you, and that is all that matters. Besides the kid might be asked by your partners ex "do they like my present" and the kid might tell the truth, ie havent seen it think they threw it away/they only bring itout when you come over. Be the bigger person, but talk in a non-commital way to your boyfriend "thats strange wonder why she sent? o never mind, its not like she is trying to win you back with a vase"

Also if i was you i would read it as an attempt to manipulate him, just take it with a grain of salt and when ever you look at it think of how he broke up with her TWICE and how he is with you and then think of all the great sex you have! If you throw it away she will be the bigger person "i sent so and so a lovely present and they threw it away sigh i try so hard"

Nitxteha

what was the present? I'd get rid of it very discreetly, drop it by accident..something like that

puglover

Just putting this out there. Could it be that she wants to try and smooth things over? You are all going to have to play a part in each others lives for a very long time so why not try put the past behind you.

A close friend of mines parents split when they were younger. Dad had had an affair with another woman. with children involved it was hard to stay away from each other & they too were like cats and dogs. Eventually the got to the stage where they realised it was pointless and wasn't helping the kids. It took them years to get to tis realisation and could have saved alot of heartache if they'd realised sooner.

They'll never be good friends but now, the parents the girlfriend, my friend and her siblings(all grown up) and half siblings (all kids) get on fine. The can go to family gatherings without any arguments happening. They just accept that whiles it's a bit messed up their are alot of people who care deeply about each other involved and it was just easier to get along.

My friends sister got married recently and it was lovely to see them all getting along. Her parents even danced together and her mother/dads girlfriend actually had a laugh about it.

LegacyUser

It was a bottle of wine and a few other bits.... I don't know what I'll do we both think it's bizzare. He even joked that we should x-ray it before we open it. To be honest I think he may have already got rid of everything.
As much as I would like to forgive and forget all that has happened I can't. I will be civil but that is as far as it goes for me.The first time round I was too nice and understanding of her feelings. Now it's time to look out for no 1.

Taltos

Unregistered wrote: »

It was a bottle of wine and a few other bits.... I don't know what I'll do we both think it's bizzare. He even joked that we should x-ray it before we open it. To be honest I think he may have already got rid of everything.
As much as I would like to forgive and forget all that has happened I can't. I will be civil but that is as far as it goes for me.The first time round I was too nice and understanding of her feelings. Now it's time to look out for no 1.

Like your attitude here - totally spot on and healthy.
Personally wine or not - I would thank her - smile to let her know you are not bothered one way or the other - so not a real warm smile.
& first chance you get - bin it all.

As to forgive & forget - you can maybe forgive if children are involved would be good - but never ever forget... Remember - you are a better person than her...