How long to get over someone

LegacyUser

How long does it take to get over someone? I went out with a girl for just under a year last year, and I ended things over the Summer. Then we got back together for 2 months in November, then she ended things, after cheating on me.

I have tried everything, completely cutting contact with her, trying to avoid places where I might run into her, but I still miss her so much. he has initiated contact twice since, one night out I ended up going home with her. She then weeks later txt me saying she is sorry about everything. Like a fool I responded and she ended up saying she still had feelings for me. I said can we talk about this face to face but she then said if we talk face to face she will end up falling for me and thats not what she wants!


I feel this pain is never going to pass. I try telling myself that I am better off without her and try to go out and have fun with my mates, but everytime I walk into a club I find myself hoping that she is not there so I wont have to see her with another guy. Whenever I am out I spend my time just thinking about her.

It probably doesnt help that I am struggling with some health issues also, but I feel I could take any physical pain over this emmotional pain. I'm at my wits end. Apologies for length of post....I better get back to work.

rallye

Yours is a common situation the people find themselves in after a non mutual breakup.

Its not gonna be easy so i wont say it will be but you have got to start thinking positively.

Im a firm believer in "whats meant to be will be".

First you have got to stop all contact with her, if she texts, phones, emails etc.. dont answer, all answering will do is prolong your recovery.

Start going out with your mates more often, start a new hobby, start going to the gym, start meeting other women, basically start having a busy lifestyle so that you will not think about her.

The situation you are in is not healthy right now, get yourself in order and i guarantee you everything will work out the way it should!!

Jesshoney

I hate to sound harsh but you say she has said that she doesn't want to fall for you. I would take this as a big indication and try to move on.

The truth is you will never move on while still in contact with her. No matter how much you have in common it sounds like you are mad about her and being her friend and holding on to hope will only hurt you worse in the long run...

Also I believe that trust is a huge part of any relationship. Do you really think you could have that again after she cheated on you.

I know it's difficult but you need to keep yourself busy, go out with your mates and have a laugh. I know it's an awful cliche but speaking from experience, time is a great healer

Elbi

All you can do it give it time, time is a great healer and eventually it'l fade but only if you cut all ties with her, no calls or text or anything like that,
"out of sight out of mind"
I know you feel like you'l be mad about her for ever and these feelings will never go but they will.

DangerMouse27

Time is a great healer and like everyone i also advocate the dont text or call.
If you see her in town,give a little wave or nod and pass yourself.

She is very confused if she wants this but wont act on it.Give her some motivation next time she texts.You gotta tell her you want this too but your having to move on..
Leave it at that and dont reply to any message you get!
And then...go out with other girls,cinema whatever,just take your mind away from her.

Remember you always want what you cant have...so give her some of that!

graham41

you need to cease communication if not u will never move on & meet someone else u need to ACT like u are no longer an item it will be hard but I strongly advise u as I speak from experience u are stressing yourself unnecessarily continuing like this furthermore it will not help your health problems
I Wish u luck......

LegacyUser

O/P here

Ya I know lads, I have cut contact for months at a time, but I still cannot get her out of my head. At this moment I am thinking of what she is doing but I am trying to fight through it. All i want at this stage is closure, but even though she initiated contact, she will not give it to me.

I dont know what to do as I cannot get this girl out of me head, all I seem to do is think of her with other guys and it hurts me so much.

LegacyUser

O/P here wrote: »

O/P here

Ya I know lads, I have cut contact for months at a time, but I still cannot get her out of my head. At this moment I am thinking of what she is doing but I am trying to fight through it. All i want at this stage is closure, but even though she initiated contact, she will not give it to me.

I dont know what to do as I cannot get this girl out of me head, all I seem to do is think of her with other guys and it hurts me so much.

You need to find someomne else to take your mind off this...

I too would wonder (still do..) what guys my ex is with but having your own new lady will mostly block out all that stuff...well it has for me..I now spend more time looking forward to seeinhg new girl than I do thinging of ex

best of luck

LegacyUser

im in the same position as you now. myself and ex broke up nearly 2 years ago now - we went back and fourth during the 2 years - but now we are broken up for good this time. if we didnt go back and fourth for the 2 years id be over my ex by now - and hadn't prolonged the pain. i still think of him - will he fall in love again. the worst is when i think of him moving on with another girl - being happy and forgetting about me. it is so hard - but as time goes by it gets easier. I read somewhere last night about just thinking in the present - there is no point worrying about the past etc. its done. your here now today, your ok and fine. thats what matters. this girl cheated on you - my ex lied to me about contacting an ex - he even told her we had broken up and we hadnt! yes im still crazy about him, but the constant worrying i did, when was he going to break up with me again haunted me, he did it a few times to me, i trusted that he'd never cheat but the breaking up thing, it wasnt right. this girl cheated on you, she said she doesnt want to fall for you again. Its hard but ye are not 'soulmates'. forget her (TRY AT LEAST) and trust that you will find a girl that will love you that you deserve in life. i hope my long post has helped you somebit in this horrible time but it will get better

Tar.Aldarion

O/P here wrote: »

O/P here

Ya I know lads, I have cut contact for months at a time, but I still cannot get her out of my head. At this moment I am thinking of what she is doing but I am trying to fight through it. All i want at this stage is closure, but even though she initiated contact, she will not give it to me.

I dont know what to do as I cannot get this girl out of me head, all I seem to do is think of her with other guys and it hurts me so much.

I know what it's like man, it's like it will never ever stop hurting. All you do is think about them and what they are doing and so on. Just gotta hope time heals, what else can you do? Nothing, just try to live your life, it's a lot harder than it sounds, especially as so many things will remind you of her and good times but there's not much you can do but give it time. You will be ok. I wish you the best.

G-Money

How about changing your number and not telling her and more importantly, don't make a copy of her number. That way she won't be able to text you/call you and you won't be able to get in touch with her.

It's a horrible situation to be in, we've all been there. Your brain goes into overdrive and completely outweighs your common sense. Unfortunately she is almost certainly with someone else. I'm basing this on the fact that if she could cheat on you, she certainly won't hang around "mourning" that the relationship is over before hooking up with some other guy.

Like other posters have said, go out with other girls, go out with your mates, it doesn't matter if you are still thinking about her, at least that way you are trying to do something about it. Internet dating sites are a good way to get in contact with girls quickly and outside the bar/club scene and it will at least make you feel like you are trying to get past it. Fake it until you make it.

Yeah you will miss her and think about her, but she's someone else's problem now, don't forget that. If she cheated on you, she more than likely will do the same with him so you are better off without her. It's hard to see the situation clearly when you are nuts about someone as anytime you explain the situation to someone else, you feel like they don't fully understand the other persons behaviour as you as they "weren't there the time she said this, or did that, she really likes me". In a few months, when the dust has settled, you'll look back and wonder how you didn't realise it sooner.

But as I say, we've all been there.

She's someone else's problem now and don't let her guilt you or manipulate you to being friends or staying in contact. She's got what she wanted, so its only fair you get what you want too (closure and forgetting about her). She can't have her cake and eat it and it's unreasonable and unacceptable for her to even think she can.

Munster_Gal

I know how you feel. Myself and my ex broke up in March.
I still miss him like crazy. I wonder all the time if he's moved on. And what's worse is he's on boards so I keep coming across messages that he posts which make me wonder even more.
It's hard. But it will get better over time. Just make sure that you stick to not contacting her. And take up a hobby or something.
I've taken up running. And while I don't love it - it's keeping me focused which is good. even if it's only 4 days a week for about 4 hours in total that I'm not thinking about him it helps.
Meet up with friends, go for drinks, go to the cinema and start eyeing up new girls. Don't look for anything serious but just find someone that you can have a nice time with............

I hope you feel better soon. x
(sorry for the slight rant lol)

Time out

Without being flippant cause I know it is tough for you but maybe watch the first scene from the film "Swingers" with vince vaughan and jon favreau.
It explains, to an extent, the whole pain and suffering of getting over people.
Time is a great healer - its a cliche I know but there is a reason for that - its true