OK so I'll get over him with time but does that mean....

LegacyUser

that with time i'll rarely think about him?and i'll stop wondering if he's thinking about me?
that with time i'll stop wondering where he is and what he's doing?
that with time i'll stop wondering if he's happier with some new girl?
that with time i will be happy without him and he will be a distant memory?

how does time stop loving you someone that you thought you would spend the rest of your life with?someone that had told you that was what they wanted also?

it's only been 5 weeks since we finished (because he changed and i wasn't happy anymore) but i had bein doing great , but this last week i seem to be going backwards.i miss him so much.
please tell me you've gone through this thinking you would never get over it but that you did!!!

Saucey-Susie

Unregistered wrote: »

that with time i'll rarely think about him?and i'll stop wondering if he's thinking about me?
that with time i'll stop wondering where he is and what he's doing?
that with time i'll stop wondering if he's happier with some new girl?
that with time i will be happy without him and he will be a distant memory?

how does time stop loving you someone that you thought you would spend the rest of your life with?someone that had told you that was what they wanted also?

it's only been 5 weeks since we finished (because he changed and i wasn't happy anymore) but i had bein doing great , but this last week i seem to be going backwards.i miss him so much.
please tell me you've gone through this thinking you would never get over it but that you did!!!

Everyone feels like that after a serious relationship. Ofc ourse you are going to miss him, the first few weeks after breaking up with him, you are still angry but then over the next few weeks you start thinking about the good times that you had and you miss the affection from someone else and the talks and everything, which is completely natural. and its natural too to just think about him and to wonder how he is doing. but i promise you, in time, this will fade... you may still think about him not not as frequent as before and you will move on with your life and you will meet someone amazing, better than this guy, (its true) and you will see that everything that had happened was meant to be, so you could be this with person instead

LegacyUser

Saucey-Susie wrote: »

Everyone feels like that after a serious relationship. Ofc ourse you are going to miss him, the first few weeks after breaking up with him, you are still angry but then over the next few weeks you start thinking about the good times that you had and you miss the affection from someone else and the talks and everything, which is completely natural. and its natural too to just think about him and to wonder how he is doing. but i promise you, in time, this will fade... you may still think about him not not as frequent as before and you will move on with your life and you will meet someone amazing, better than this guy, (its true) and you will see that everything that had happened was meant to be, so you could be this with person instead

thank you! that's what i needed to hear.i know i wasn't happy and i know the reasons that i finished it but it's easy to lose sight of those things when im thinking of the good times!!it's just that i think it would not have taken much to fix our relationship but he wasn't willing to meet me halfway on anything so there's still those whatif's and what might have beens!!but i've done all i can so it's his loss.

Moomoo1

have you seen the movie AI? It's about someone who cannot forget and stop loving someone who has betrayed him. Fortunately people aren't like that.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

that with time i'll rarely think about him?and i'll stop wondering if he's thinking about me?
that with time i'll stop wondering where he is and what he's doing?
that with time i'll stop wondering if he's happier with some new girl?
that with time i will be happy without him and he will be a distant memory?

how does time stop loving you someone that you thought you would spend the rest of your life with?someone that had told you that was what they wanted also?

it's only been 5 weeks since we finished (because he changed and i wasn't happy anymore) but i had bein doing great , but this last week i seem to be going backwards.i miss him so much.
please tell me you've gone through this thinking you would never get over it but that you did!!!

Im in exactly the same boat as you..5 weeks as well...cant stop thinging about her, where I may have gone wrong, why she changed her mind over us, whatifs, whys, etc etc etc ..dreams every night about her, waking at 5am, wanting to text/ mail her (but resisting..)

I have actually met someone else, someone amazing..it probably is a 'help me get over her' thing and I dont see it lasting the test of time, but it does help hugely and helps ease the pain ( BTW I have made my situation really clear so there is no leading on or misunderstandings......)

Best of luck to you with it all....

Blazer

I'm beginning to think I know people on this thread

Anyway with time those feelings will pass.
Be it one month/6 months or 1 year.
Important thing is not to rush into another relationship asap unless it's strictly not serious.
There's a reason people break up and people seem to forget this after a few weeks, get back together and then realise nothing has changed and break up again.
Better off to move on.

LegacyUser

Well Its been almost 7 months for me as i guess im gonna shoot for a year recovery tiem frame then!

he has broken up with me, reason was bad timimg, age difference..long story, anyway, i still feel like it was yesterday and like you im wondering everyday what ifs..there is not one day that has past that i havent thought bout him, i have gone out, go to the gym, went on dates even! and still he is present in my head non stop. No matter what i do hes there.

guess the fact that we are on and off in contact doesnt help im sure, although, its always iniciated by him, i never seem to NOT answer!! he always end up calling me saying how much he misses me, hurt not to be with me, and talk about me to anyone..etc.. its hard hearing this...
I tried not to answer when he does but hard not to want to hear his voice....

Anyway, I sure know how it is for you, and me being still there after over 6 months is crossing fingers that for you it will be recovery a lot faster than its taking for me!!

Good luck to you and all the best!

LegacyUser

Moomoo1 thank god we're not like that!!!i am trying to only look a day ahead and stop thinking about how i'll feel seeing him with someone etc.. in a few months beacuse i know when that time comes i will (at least i hope i will!!) be in a different place to where i am now.

unregistered i'm the same,wake up panicing thinking have i made a huge mistake but in the light of day i know i have valid reasons for finishing it.

mathew reilly we did exactly that,broke up for a month and during it he refused to get back together then after the month he asked me to,i was so lost without him that i jumped at the chance and didn't really talk much about why we had finished in the first place, after 3 weeks i finished it again beacuse nothing had changed even though i had swore to myself that because i was so devastated during the break up i would never finish it again!! obviously i wasn't happy. we were a match made in heaven but somewhere along the way i lost him that's what's so sad about it. but i do know i'll get over it.....with time!!

i'm contemplating put sticky notes around the place to remind me why i finished it for my moments of weakness!!!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Well Its been almost 7 months for me as i guess im gonna shoot for a year recovery tiem frame then!

he has broken up with me, reason was bad timimg, age difference..long story, anyway, i still feel like it was yesterday and like you im wondering everyday what ifs..there is not one day that has past that i havent thought bout him, i have gone out, go to the gym, went on dates even! and still he is present in my head non stop. No matter what i do hes there.

guess the fact that we are on and off in contact doesnt help im sure, although, its always iniciated by him, i never seem to NOT answer!! he always end up calling me saying how much he misses me, hurt not to be with me, and talk about me to anyone..etc.. its hard hearing this...
I tried not to answer when he does but hard not to want to hear his voice....

Anyway, I sure know how it is for you, and me being still there after over 6 months is crossing fingers that for you it will be recovery a lot faster than its taking for me!!

Good luck to you and all the best!

Hi unregistered
ah i really feel for you,it's hard it really is. i think it's crazy to think one person can be in your life for x amount of time,you share everything with them,make plans all that and then they're gone,we get over them and move on!! i know that's life but it's crazy.

my ex had been the one texting for the last few weeks up until yesterday when i text him. i asked him did he now think the break up was for the best and he said yes he did. that really upset me,i know i had been thinking that but that kind of made it hit home that this is really it,it's over.
i honestly think no contact is the answer,i think if you stopped replying to him he would give up and you could move on,it's the only way. i know i could go a long time without even seeing my guy where we live,in our 3 and half years together i bumped into him by accident a handful of times!!it's sad to think i may not see him again but i think this will help me move on.
i hope you can move on and be happy soon!!

LegacyUser

Well, to the last post thank you for quoting me, and i feel the same as my ex too when he was caling me was asking to meet and clear it all by meetign in person ..then i would fall in the trap and ask hi mthe next day to meet to what he would reply...sorry im not in the right state of mind to be with you i wont call anymore, im sorry.

Imagine me trying to get over hi mand falling or the speech to then get that!

i saved the email on advice that if he calls again i can read that again the remind me not to pick up!;)

he did that to me few times along the last 2 months and last time i promise myself i wouldnt fall for it and i did like a total idiot!!
me! who has so much comment sense ususally get completly disarmed with him.

I have tried to ignore like you said yourself, he will stop after a while but a week ago and he was it, I was good and didnt pick up and all and he got into a rampage that weekend to call me loads.."how i was ignoring him" he left on my voice message! how funny really.


Anyway, OP i feel for you, and somewhere its nice to see that we are not alone going through this, that one day the pain will fade, its been 7 months for me so you would think out of all of us, i have the trophy of optimisim at this stage!

I try everyday not to go on yahoo, messenger, but always end up on invisible mode and see if hes on, no intention to chat wit hhim but to know hes home kinda confort me knowing hes not out...and since we have broken up, he has been home all the time..

Anyway, first step to recovery for good is gonna be NOT to go on yahoo messenger!! invisible or not!!

good luck to all and its nice to support each other, you are all priceless supporters! god knows my friends have had enough hearing bout my stupid ways to fall everytime

LegacyUser

i'm in the same position. been 6 weeks for me. it was completely his decision and i was, and still am,totally and completely devastated. we were together for 2 years and I honestly thought that was it, we were meant to be (I'd had my heart broken once before and he was my "someone better"). I cry every day. haven't heard anything from him in a few weeks, I heard about some bad news he got last week and I texted him to say I was sorry to hear it and he didn't reply. I hate myself for letting myself fall to pieces over him because he could sometimes be a not-very-nice-person towards me (calling me names, shouting at me but always making out that it was my fault for one reason or another), especially towards the end. But all i can seem to think about is his good qualities and the good times we had and how much I love him. The thought of him with anyone else makes me physically sick and I can't handle it. I hope what you're all saying is true and that time heals all wounds

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

i'm in the same position. been 6 weeks for me. it was completely his decision and i was, and still am,totally and completely devastated. we were together for 2 years and I honestly thought that was it, we were meant to be (I'd had my heart broken once before and he was my "someone better"). I cry every day. haven't heard anything from him in a few weeks, I heard about some bad news he got last week and I texted him to say I was sorry to hear it and he didn't reply. I hate myself for letting myself fall to pieces over him because he could sometimes be a not-very-nice-person towards me (calling me names, shouting at me but always making out that it was my fault for one reason or another), especially towards the end. But all i can seem to think about is his good qualities and the good times we had and how much I love him. The thought of him with anyone else makes me physically sick and I can't handle it. I hope what you're all saying is true and that time heals all wounds

Hi unreg
i think i was like you the first time me and my ex broke up,i was inconsoleable,i cried in the car on the way to work in the mornings and i cried on the way home,i cried constantly!!i went from work to bed,literally!i went out twice in that month and the second time was because I knew he'd be out and that was the night we got back together. and to think when we got back together he wouldn't make any bit of effort for things to work.
i think thats what hurts the most that he's not bothered about having me in his life anymore when he used to adore me,i'm angry but i really do miss him.

my ex was selfish but he never really treated me badly like yours,you really deserve better than him.keep reminding yourself of how he treated you and just take one day at a time and you'll get there!!!i'm sure we all will eventually

LegacyUser

Hi. It's over between me and my ex for eight months. A month and a half after we broke up he started going out with someone else. I was totally totally heartbroken.
I found it so hard when we first broke up. Our relationship was great then it started to go downhill. We broke up twice before the final break up. Looking back now I realise that I should not have got back with him once we had broken up, even though he begged me and cried etc. It would only have been back on a few weeks and he slid back into his old ways. I thought each time we got back together that we would make it. How foolish was I, I should have known that nothing had changed but I was so blind.
I cried, could not eat, dreamt about him, etc. Then I heard he was going out with this new girl.

I have learned that time really does help. NO CONTACT is very important. For a while he was texting me and I would get really excited/hopeful that we would get back together but I was just setting myself up for a fall. It is very hard not to contact but believe me it is for the best. If you keep in contact with him you risk going backwards when you have done so well moving forward. I can see now, in time, that we were not suited.

It will take time to move on and not think about him as much but gradully you won't be thinking about him as much, what he's at etc because you will have had other things going on in your life and you never know what's around the corner.

Hope you will be ok. I was so low and kept thinking awful thoughts about myself etc but please know that you will make it. I have come through the other side. It's tough, but I have learnt an awful lot about myself from the relationship and also from dealing with the break up. Plus, ring your friends. I rang my friends and family when I was feeling so low and they really helped me.

Best of luck xx

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi. It's over between me and my ex for eight months. A month and a half after we broke up he started going out with someone else. I was totally totally heartbroken.
I found it so hard when we first broke up. Our relationship was great then it started to go downhill. We broke up twice before the final break up. Looking back now I realise that I should not have got back with him once we had broken up, even though he begged me and cried etc. It would only have been back on a few weeks and he slid back into his old ways. I thought each time we got back together that we would make it. How foolish was I, I should have known that nothing had changed but I was so blind.
I cried, could not eat, dreamt about him, etc. Then I heard he was going out with this new girl.

I have learned that time really does help. NO CONTACT is very important. For a while he was texting me and I would get really excited/hopeful that we would get back together but I was just setting myself up for a fall. It is very hard not to contact but believe me it is for the best. If you keep in contact with him you risk going backwards when you have done so well moving forward. I can see now, in time, that we were not suited.

It will take time to move on and not think about him as much but gradully you won't be thinking about him as much, what he's at etc because you will have had other things going on in your life and you never know what's around the corner.

Hope you will be ok. I was so low and kept thinking awful thoughts about myself etc but please know that you will make it. I have come through the other side. It's tough, but I have learnt an awful lot about myself from the relationship and also from dealing with the break up. Plus, ring your friends. I rang my friends and family when I was feeling so low and they really helped me.

Best of luck xx

hiya
thanks a million, it does help to hear people get through it,it's great hearing it from my friends and family but it helps to hear from strangers too that it does get better.
i'm swinging from 'ah what a fcuker' to 'oh god what will i do without him!'
my friends and family are great so with them i'll get there. suppose i had always hoped he'd come back begging for me to take him back and we'd do everything to make it work!!but he's the type that once his mind is made up then that's it so even if i wanted to get back with him (and i am sure i would have weak times when this would happen) i know it's over and it's time to move on somehow

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

I try everyday not to go on yahoo, messenger, but always end up on invisible mode and see if hes on, no intention to chat wit hhim but to know hes home kinda confort me knowing hes not out...and since we have broken up, he has been home all the time..

Anyway, first step to recovery for good is gonna be NOT to go on yahoo messenger!! invisible or not!!

Is it just me or are breakups harder now cause of MSN and yahoo and facebook etc etc??? I am 6 weeks broken up with my guy (and cause we were both 37 means I am now faced with the prospect of maybe never having kids cause of him!) Anyway, I try to not be on MSN and have him blocked but of course can still see that he is online. It may have been of come comfort for me to think he was at home and staying in pinning for me etc BUT in reality he is online every night flirting and in chat rooms and chatting up girls of 24! Makes it a LOT harder. Cant make sesnse of it?

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

hiya
thanks a million, it does help to hear people get through it,it's great hearing it from my friends and family but it helps to hear from strangers too that it does get better.
i'm swinging from 'ah what a fcuker' to 'oh god what will i do without him!'
my friends and family are great so with them i'll get there. suppose i had always hoped he'd come back begging for me to take him back and we'd do everything to make it work!!but he's the type that once his mind is made up then that's it so even if i wanted to get back with him (and i am sure i would have weak times when this would happen) i know it's over and it's time to move on somehow

Just want to let you know he's probably feeling just as bad as you. I broke up with my ex 4 weeks ago after nearly 3 years together, my decision but that doesn't mean I'm not heartbroken. I felt we'd got to the point where things couldn't be fixed. I'm still thinking about him constantly, theres been no contact and I don't think there will be for a good while. One of the worst parts was losing someone I considered a best friend too, theres been a few things I've wanted to text/call him about over the past 4 weeks e.g exam results and when a guy got violent with me in a pub but I knew I couldn't. One of the hardest things is my friends/flatmates don't really ask how I'm doing as I broke up with him its like they assume I'm ok even though I feel pretty down.

I hate to think what he thinks of me now because I always thought we'd be together, and I'm pretty sure he felt the same. He's an amazing guy and I do wish things had of worked out but I couldn't continue on when not 100% happy.

Anyways good luck OP and its great to hear your friends are there for you.

LegacyUser

Inthesameboat wrote: »

Just want to let you know he's probably feeling just as bad as you. I broke up with my ex 4 weeks ago after nearly 3 years together, my decision but that doesn't mean I'm not heartbroken. I felt we'd got to the point where things couldn't be fixed. I'm still thinking about him constantly, theres been no contact and I don't think there will be for a good while. One of the worst parts was losing someone I considered a best friend too, theres been a few things I've wanted to text/call him about over the past 4 weeks e.g exam results and when a guy got violent with me in a pub but I knew I couldn't. One of the hardest things is my friends/flatmates don't really ask how I'm doing as I broke up with him its like they assume I'm ok even though I feel pretty down.

I hate to think what he thinks of me now because I always thought we'd be together, and I'm pretty sure he felt the same. He's an amazing guy and I do wish things had of worked out but I couldn't continue on when not 100% happy.

Anyways good luck OP and its great to hear your friends are there for you.

Hi Inthesameboat
that's the thing that's been really upsetting me,thinking that he's happy out without me now!when being realistic im sure he is feeling as bad as me,he had been in relationships before where they kept breaking up and getting back together and we always said we would never do that. i suppose one of us has to say enough is enough!!still hurts though and like you we always thought we'd be together forever.whenever i thought of my future he was there,funny how quickly things change.
good luck to you too!

LegacyUser

i'm going through exactly same thing as you OP. it's nearly 5 months in my case and im a wreck! it doesnt seem to be getting any easier. i was the dumpee! not the dumper! had thought id really end up with him, and he'd thought that too. tbh, i dont know where it went wrong... we'd a rough patch and he wanted it to end. the time apart has been good in some ways but still as much as i try and i strong as i can be i cant seem to just get over it. time is a healer and all that... how long! one thing, reading all these posts on boards helps but i do not want to be still reading them in two mths time. i havent read them for a while now, but am feeling particulary low/weak today. i think getting over it has to come from you and be strong. i just want to know tho, how do you get rid of that hope?that hope that you'll get back together, that belief that you were meant to be? there were signs that my relationsip was coming to an end before it ever ended, but those were things that could have been fixed. i dont know ... i was always so optimistic and we both put in so much effort, communicating and working at our relationship. initially when we broke up, we kept in contact, which was awful for me! i ended up thinking we'd get back together! i dont know... my bf totally seemed to change towards the end. for me, i just felt it was too serious too young and we're at a crossroads in our lives now. it was just very difficult - at the time. i just feel its so so unfair. we never treated eachother horribly, we were really good to one another, best friends... like everyone else out there im sure. my problem is i didnt deal with it when it first happend. i just cant keep going on like this though. i really am such a mess. im trying to keep myself busy, but im just running away from it. im so angry that i jput so much work in, that i was so optimistic that nothing is going to change. i am always the one hoping others get back together and always believed couples broke up and got back together, it hasnt happened for me and i dont konw why. i can see various benefits of the BU.not with regards to the relationship itself bt in my personal life. if anything, the only thing the BU with relationship has thought me is how really wonderful he is. reading this you probably think, i need to just move on. im quite a strong person and i will move on. im coming around to the idea that i tried to make it work and it hasnt so something better is out there. sometimes it helps sometimes it doesnt. im so angry that he's probably doing fine, he seems to have this new life and all these new friends. im so angry that im here heartbroken, that i love him so much, that im expected to get over it and love him enough to let him go as he isnt happy. why? ive so many questions and there are no answers.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

i'm going through exactly same thing as you OP. it's nearly 5 months in my case and im a wreck! it doesnt seem to be getting any easier. i was the dumpee! not the dumper! had thought id really end up with him, and he'd thought that too. tbh, i dont know where it went wrong... we'd a rough patch and he wanted it to end. the time apart has been good in some ways but still as much as i try and i strong as i can be i cant seem to just get over it. time is a healer and all that... how long! .... how do you get rid of that hope?that hope that you'll get back together, that belief that you were meant to be? there were signs that my relationsip was coming to an end before it ever ended, but those were things that could have been fixed. my bf totally seemed to change towards the end. for me, i just felt it was too serious too young and we're at a crossroads in our lives now. it was just very difficult - at the time. i just feel its so so unfair. we never treated eachother horribly, we were really good to one another, best friends... like everyone else out there im sure. my problem is i didnt deal with it when it first happend......QUOTE]

i know what you mean about the hope,i keep getting the niggling thoughts 'it's ok cos we'll get back together' but i have to tell myself then that as much as i miss him,as much as i love him,as much as i always thought we'd be together forever there are good reasons why i finished it.maybe somewhere down the road when hes done some growing up you never know we could sort things out but until then i just have to keep reminding myself that i did the right thing.i know he loved me but he had changed and took our brilliant relationship for granted at the end,i didn't see him begging me to sort things out in the last few weeks!!!
and maybe we're not meant to be after all,i do believe things happen for a reason.
don't hold onto that hope for too long,don't let it stop you living your life,especially if he's getting on with his no problem,he doesn't deserve you then anyway if he can forget about you so easily.
you'll get there too,chin up!!