In love with my f**k buddy

LegacyUser

I know there have been lots of posts on f**k buddies/friends with benefits but I think my situation is realtively unique. Otherwise, please pardon any repetition. I've been seeing this guy no on and off for about four years, since I was 15. We're very close, in terms of friendship and get on extremely well. We've also been sleeping together but with absolutely no strings attached. In four years, we have never been exclusive. I've seen him kiss a total of three different girls in front of me and never sought an explanation or argued with him about it. I probably see him once or twice a week when we sleep together and then spend hours cuddling/talking intimately. I have never once argued with him, never disagreed with him or had so much as a difference of opinion. We just seem to click extremely well. He makes me laugh and when we're together I feel like the most special girl in the world.

Problem is, as you may have already guessed, I think I want more. I think I want to be with him properly. What I need to know before venturing into that conversation with him is, am I likely to be rejected? A male perspective would be really helpful. Is is possible that he likes me or am I just an easy way to get sex when and wherever he wants it? Could this relationship ever work?

~nop~

Don't know why he'd go for the relationship when he's been getting it this long for free, kissing girls in front of you and you are still only 19.

I could be wrong though because the guy must like you a lot on some level to spend this much time with you, just if you broach the subject be prepared to set yourself up for heartbreak

~nop~

Also thinking more on it, maybe it's time you did argue, disagree or have a difference of opinion with this guy. Guys are more attracted imo to girls who they can't walk all over, by sleeping together this long you've removed the thrill of the chase, and the way to make him feel challenged again isn't by agreeing unconditionally with everything he does/says

targus

Sounds like for all intense and purposes you are actually an item.You meet up twice a week for sex,cuddle and talk for hours afterwards,never row and feel special when your with him??
Provided he is'nt seeing anybody else and likes you as much as you like him theres no reason I can see why you dont make yor relationship 'official'.
If he is in disagreement then he's probably only using you,and your only delaying the inevitable-he'll ditch you further down the road when he meets somebody else..

gill2095

wow.. you really have it bad if you allow him to treat you this way,,, what are you thinking! we never fight,!come on we all need to let our feelings show even if they are positive or negative,,
if you are standing there watching him kissing other girls.,.. what are you feeling or thinking when you see this??? i really think the problem here is with YOU not HIM..
so my advice would be to not answer his sex calls because thats really all they are to him... so wake up girl your 19 with the world at your feet..
and all you are doing is letting this man use you untill someday you yourself will come very disconnected to your feelings and thoughts,,, do you really want to live a life full of NOTHING... i wish you all the best,,

wasper

~nop~ wrote: »

Also thinking more on it, maybe it's time you did argue, disagree or have a difference of opinion with this guy. Guys are more attracted imo to girls who they can't walk all over, by sleeping together this long you've removed the thrill of the chase, and the way to make him feel challenged again isn't by agreeing unconditionally with everything he does/says

Rubbish, you make sound like the guy is somehow taking advantage of this poor girl.
They are both enjoy each other's company including sex. Now the OP is wiling to take it to the next level, she is hesitant & not sure what to expect from the guy.
I think you should just talk to him & see what he thinks.

Dublin_Gunner

gill2095 wrote: »

wow.. you really have it bad if you allow him to treat you this way,,, what are you thinking! we never fight,!come on we all need to let our feelings show even if they are positive or negative,,
if you are standing there watching him kissing other girls.,.. what are you feeling or thinking when you see this??? i really think the problem here is with YOU not HIM..
so my advice would be to not answer his sex calls because thats really all they are to him... so wake up girl your 19 with the world at your feet..
and all you are doing is letting this man use you untill someday you yourself will come very disconnected to your feelings and thoughts,,, do you really want to live a life full of NOTHING... i wish you all the best,,

Ah yeah, the usual response - blame it all on the evil, using guy.

Come on. The situation that has arose is as much the OP's fault as the guys - of course he's going to think this thing is fine, as this has been a mutual 'relationship' up until now.

She's as much 'using' him as he's 'using' her. This sort of attitute really grinds my gears - like women are the bearer of forbidden fruit, and guys have no say.

If the OP wishes to bring this relationship further - then bring it up with your pseudo-partner. If he does really like you, and wants to commit, then there should not be any problem - he already obviously finds you attractive, but maybe you've never seen each other as relationship material.

If he doesn't the same, you don't lose out, you just don't gain. Its then up to you whether you want to continue this fook-buddy thing or not.

prinz

Dublin_Gunner wrote: »

Ah yeah, the usual response - blame it all on the evil, using guy. Come on. The situation that has arose is as much the OP's fault as the guys - of course he's going to think this thing is fine, as this has been a mutual 'relationship' up until now.
She's as much 'using' him as he's 'using' her. This sort of attitute really grinds my gears - like women are the bearer of forbidden fruit, and guys have no say.

Nobody said it was his fault, or that he had no say, or that she was being used. Just pointed out that he is unlikely to want to change the status quo now, is he? Not impossible but unlikely.

Dublin_Gunner

prinz wrote: »

Nobody said it was his fault, or that he had no say, or that she was being used. Just pointed out that he is unlikely to want to change the status quo now, is he? Not impossible but unlikely.

It was the general tone of the post which I was referring to.

Its always seems very easy to empower women on these here forums, assuming no guilt on their part when it comes to sex.

Its quite possible the OP's fookbuddy feels exactly the same way, but is too shy to say anything...

Beetlebum

Dublin_Gunner wrote: »

It was the general tone of the post which I was referring to.

Its always seems very easy to empower women on these here forums, assuming no guilt on their part when it comes to sex.

Its quite possible the OP's fookbuddy feels exactly the same way, but is too shy to say anything...

Completely agree and I'm a girl..

I had a f*ck buddy a few Summers ago. He was an old friend of mine who I'd known for years. We were having apint one night and he asked me to be his girlfriend. I had no interest in anything more then the casual fun we were having so I said no. He told me the situation needed to stop in that case and it did. He now has a gorgeous girlfriend who he's madly in love with!

It works both ways. People are too quick to assume that if a guy is getting easy sex he'll be happy out 'using' the girl.

This guy could be mad about the OP.

I think life is too short not to take risks.

These f**kbuddy situations rarely have longevity so you might aswell go for it OP!

Best of luck

gill2095

Dublin_Gunner wrote: »

It was the general tone of the post which I was referring to.

Its always seems very easy to empower women on these here forums, assuming no guilt on their part when it comes to sex.

Its quite possible the OP's fookbuddy feels exactly the same way, but is too shy to say anything...

come on !! he's taking her for a ride.... acting out with other girls in front of her,,, and all i was remarking on was that she should sort herself out as to want she wants from this so call relationship....;)

prinz

Dublin_Gunner wrote: »

Its quite possible the OP's fookbuddy feels exactly the same way, but is too shy to say anything...

Quite possible but unlikely. He hardly comes across as the shy retiring type in the OP really.

If he liked her that much and was afraid to rock the boat so to speak, would he really make a point of getting with other girls in front of her?

Dublin_Gunner

gill2095 wrote: »

come on !! he's taking her for a ride.... acting out with other girls in front of her,,, and all i was remarking on was that she should sort herself out as to want she wants from this so call relationship....;)

In four years, we have never been exclusive.

This would suggest to me that the OP hasn't exactly been saving herself for him either.

Why oh why does all the blame / guilt / meanness etc have to be focused on the male in these situations?? It seems the OP has been more than happy to let this go on for the past 4 years, and only now deciding she wants something more.

She's been as much taking him for a ride for crying out loud.

Abi

Unregistered wrote: »

We're very close, in terms of friendship and get on extremely well. We've also been sleeping together but with absolutely no strings attached.

They are the rules of the game.

In four years, we have never been exclusive. I've seen him kiss a total of three different girls in front of me and never sought an explanation or argued with him about it.

Nor should you really, if fcuk buddies was the original arrangement.

I probably see him once or twice a week when we sleep together and then spend hours cuddling/talking intimately.

That I wouldn't do, to avoid any confusion.

He makes me laugh and when we're together I feel like the most special girl in the world.

Outside of this current issue, are you sure you shouldn't be off looking for someone who wants a little more? It just seems you have grown a little too attached.

I think I want to be with him properly. What I need to know before venturing into that conversation with him is, am I likely to be rejected?

Has he said anything to give you the impression that anything has changed for him?

Is is possible that he likes me or am I just an easy way to get sex when and wherever he wants it?

You kind of make it sound one sided here. It was what you were in it for too, remember?

A lot of what I've said, you may not like. But you've slipped a bit, and if he doesn't want what you want, it could be game over. You could mention it to him for what its worth though, because I don't recommend staying in this if you have stronger feelings for him.

Beetlebum

gill2095 wrote: »

come on !! he's taking her for a ride.... acting out with other girls in front of her,,, and all i was remarking on was that she should sort herself out as to want she wants from this so call relationship....;)

He's single as is she...tehy can both do what they want!

He didn't cheat on her, they were not exclusive...he did nothing wrong whatsoever!

They are two consenting adults. Either nobody is being used or both are.

Mr Benevolent

You tell him. You'll get a answer. I got an answer when I asked my then-fb.

LegacyUser

Thanks for all the responses guys, you've certainly given me a lot to think about! Just to clear up those who say he is using me, it's a two way street guys, I've been with a few other men while we've been "together" (if that's the appropriate word to use!) please don't think I'm some poor naive girl being taken for granted. When I saw him kissing other girls, which about two years ago, I felt cranky as such but not emotionally upset. That said, I think if I saw it now it would effect me more. What I think is that we've inevitably grown closer, whether we intended to or not! I do feel as though he has moved closer too and things have changed..we've been out together in town which never would have happened years ago. The reason we never argue is because we have so much in common, I would have no problem arguing with him if I disagreed with him. Furthermore, I guess my feelings are coming out of a lot of personal reflection that I've been doing. Things have always been wonderful with him, and I've always "been with" him as such, despite all the crap I've gone through with other men.

I know the only way to solve this dilemma is to actually speak to him but I'm incredibly frightened of rejection. Somehow I think it would be easier to keep things as they are and hope that somehow things will continue to progress of their own accord. Any ideas as to how I could "test the waters" without completely blurting out my feelings and risk seeming like a complete idiot?

So many split opinions in the thread by the way! Wasn't expecting such a heated reaction!

willy wonka

OP you sound very mature and level headed for a 19 year old. Fair play to you.
Not meaing to pry or go off topic but was this guy the first guy you slept with?
If it is, you're handling the situation really well.
God if it was me and I was 19, I would be a total mess.

To be honest if it was me, I would just come out and tell him how I feel, but that's just me.

LegacyUser

Yea he's the first guys I slept with, though not the only one I've ever slept with!

LegacyUser

well you're going to have to let him know how you feel and then you'll quickly know if he is using you for sex only!

Abi

Unregistered wrote: »

well you're going to have to let him know how you feel and then you'll quickly know if he is using you for sex only!

Nobody is using anybody here though. The OP and her FB have an arrangement. She has openly admitted it is a two way street. Its probably not what you meant, but I just think guys get slated all the time for 'using' women. It isn't the case here.

LegacyUser

But she isn't using him just for sex.. she has feelings for him. So as much as she intended him to be just for sex, thats not what it is anymore.

LegacyUser

hi op.....i am currently in the same situation as you have been having sex with this guy i am friends with for the last 3 months..he told me from day one he didnt do relationships and i accepted that because i wasnt int in anymore and now i am totally in love with him..I did ask him one nite if he still felt the same and he said yes i dont do relationships he is 25 and never been in a relationship now here i am in love with him and i will probaly never get anything more than sex with him i am trying to stay away from him but it is hard 2 days done i feel for you but i do think u need to ask him to see what he says nothing ventured nothing gained...go for it i really hope it works out for you