Puzzled over boyfriend's comments

LegacyUser

My boyfriend told me that I make him very happy. I said 'do I ever make you sad' . He went on to say when I get worry about silly things like my weight and if I don't think I'm good looking etc. I joined the gym recently as it's a healthy thing to do and I enjoy the classes it runs. I told him I did it to become fitter and it would be good to be more toned etc. It's really annoyed me that he now thinks that I'm not happy with how I look. I am... it just wouldn't do any harm to become a bit more in shape. I don't obsess over it. In his head I think it was 'she thinks she's fat and that's why she joined the gym'. I feel really good after a work out.

I certainly don't want to be going out with someone who thinks I'm not happy with the way I am (I think insecurity/not happy within yourself are rather bad traits to have, especially in a relationship as it can affect the other person).

I love my boyfriend this just really annoys me. We've spoken about it, but he still thinks I think I'm not happy with how I look even though I've told him. We're starting to wind each other up lately about silly things like this. We're both in our early 20's and going out for over a year and a half. Is there anything I can do to stop these arguments about stupid stuff or is this the beginning of the end?. I want things to work.

prinz

You know what you're doing now?..... You're worrying about one of those silly things, and that makes him sad. You asked a question, he answered it... and you're reading way too much into his answer IMO. Try not to wind each other up and avoid getting into stupid arguments, simple as.

Are you somebody who is constantly talking about weight, what they're eating, what they should/shouldnt be eating, how bad they feel after eating junk food... because that really gets on mine after a while too. Wouldn't matter if the person was 20st or 10st.

Try not to sweat the small things too.

kittenkiller

Take note of your post OP.
If this is as bad as things get, you're a lucky, lucky girl!

Relax and give your poor bf a break.
He cares about you and is aware of your feelings and doesn't think you should be insecure about your body.
Most of the population have had body issues at one point or another, the fact that you haven't is another reason that you're lucky.

If you're really looking for something to take offense to, I can only suggest you look somewhere else.

MelanieC

I think your boyfriend sounds lovely. He was just trying to pay you a compliment saying that in his opinion you're beautiful and don't need to worry about your weight etc.
I know you're quite happy with how you look and so didn't technically need that compliment but isn't it always nice to hear anyway?
He's a gem IMO.

cafecolour

Maybe he's just worried you're going to start dragging him to they gym with you

SarahMc

You are WAAY overreacting. If he said it makes him sad that you worry about things like your weight/looks, you must, at some stage have verbalised misgivings about these things to him.

You can't then turn around and say 'I'm annoyed you think I'm unhappy with my body'.

VaioCruiser

Lesson to boyfriends = say nothing about your girl friends weight, body, clothes. Agree with everything she says about all three.

Punishment for not doing so = this thread.

prinz

VaioCruiser wrote: »

Lesson to boyfriends = say nothing about your girl friends weight, body, clothes. Agree with everything she says about all three.

Am hoping that's a joke.:rolleyes:. All three can be discussed like adults about both parties. I hate the idea in a relationship of topics being off-limits, or just tell her/him what he/she wants to hear.

Moomoo1

I think he was just trying to be nice tbh, to say 'I like the way you look' in a roundabout way.

VaioCruiser

prinz wrote: »

Am hoping that's a joke.:rolleyes:. All three can be discussed like adults about both parties. I hate the idea in a relationship of topics being off-limits, or just tell her/him what he/she wants to hear.

It's no joke. Ask any man over 30 who has had any lengthy relationships. Stay away from those topics or risk trouble. Life is the way it is, not the way we would like it to be.

prinz

VaioCruiser wrote: »

It's no joke. Ask any man over 30 who has had any lengthy relationships. Stay away from those topics or risk trouble. Life is the way it is, not the way we would like it to be.

Um I'm in a 4 year relationship and both of us feel free to say whatever we like about each others weight, clothes, or body. This is a typical Irish phenomena to tell people what they want to hear for fear of upsetting the apple cart and in the long run is unhelpful.

VaioCruiser

prinz wrote: »

Um I'm in a 4 year relationship and both of us feel free to say whatever we like about each others weight, clothes, or body. This is a typical Irish phenomena to tell people what they want to hear for fear of upsetting the apple cart and in the long run is unhelpful.

It's the way life is. I believe it is helpful, because experience shows that women are simply not generally able to handle these topics well. It's nothing to do with Irishness at all.

All the best.

prinz

VaioCruiser wrote: »

It's nothing to do with Irishness at all.

Actually it is, in most societies in Continental Europe people like to be upfront, direct and at times downright blunt. For instance a girl asks 'Does my bum look big in this?'....

Irish answer - "Not at all you look great" Irish thought 'Actually it really does but I have to be polite and not say anything'.....

German answer - "Yes it does." German thought "Yes it does"

It's the same for Irish men incidentally. Not a sexist issue, but a cultural one.