Is there any future for us?

LegacyUser

Will try and keep this as brief as possible. About two years ago I had an affair, my OH found out about it and as you can imagine we went through a really hard time. We agreed to stay together and try to make it work, we underwent therapy, I discovered a lot about myself, the reason for the affair and I made big changes to my lifestyle to show my commitment to our marriage. I love my OH deeply, the problem is he has never really accepted the reasons for the affair. He says he is commited to the relationship but his behaviour shows that he doesn't want to move on, he drinks every night or always has something to go to (something he did before the affair also). Last weekend we were out and he went awol for a while, I eventually found him, kissing some other girl. Obviously I was really annoyed so I said I would see him at home as i needed some space, when I got home an hour later, she was there with him and something was definately going on.

If this had happened within 6 months of finding out about the affair I wouldn't blame him at all, but its two years later and He is abviously still devastated and as I had the affair I cannot give out too much, I mean he forgave me worse. I just wonder that if after all this time, will he be able to accept what happened so we can try and move on, or is this the beginning of the end?

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

Will try and keep this as brief as possible. About two years ago I had an affair, my OH found out about it and as you can imagine we went through a really hard time. We agreed to stay together and try to make it work, we underwent therapy, I discovered a lot about myself, the reason for the affair and I made big changes to my lifestyle to show my commitment to our marriage. I love my OH deeply, the problem is he has never really accepted the reasons for the affair. He says he is commited to the relationship but his behaviour shows that he doesn't want to move on, he drinks every night or always has something to go to (something he did before the affair also). Last weekend we were out and he went awol for a while, I eventually found him, kissing some other girl. Obviously I was really annoyed so I said I would see him at home as i needed some space, when I got home an hour later, she was there with him and something was definately going on.

If this had happened within 6 months of finding out about the affair I wouldn't blame him at all, but its two years later and He is abviously still devastated and as I had the affair I cannot give out too much, I mean he forgave me worse. I just wonder that if after all this time, will he be able to accept what happened so we can try and move on, or is this the beginning of the end?

What's done is done as far as the past goes, but as you say it appears he has not managed to put it behind him. It is possible he has been carrying it with him all this time and a deeply held desire to hurt you back has surfaced.
It could as you say be a sign of the end... or it could be something that he had to get out of his system. It's impossible to know from here. At some point in the coming week I would suggest you face him and say ok... you've punished me back . . . are we ready to move on ? or is there more ? ... and see how he responds.

I wish you all the best.

CDfm

What ages are you

LegacyUser

CDfm wrote: »

What ages are you

mid 30's, both should know better!

Miss Fluff

While you feel therapy was effective, it seems he has not yet come to terms with what happened and is trying to get back at you by behaving like this. Would you consider going back for more therapy?

CDfm

Unregistered wrote: »

mid 30's, both should know better!

you said it. time for a big chat