Having/Not Having Children

LegacyUser

Hi, sorry for long post - just looking for some opinions please. I'm mid thirties and Hubby is a couple of years younger. We are together over 8 years and both never felt we wanted children - discussed early days and right through our relationship. I recently have been having some niggling doubts. Love my hubby and life (basically our freedom!) but sometimes look at parents who are blissfully happy with kids and think to myself are we missing out on something? Let me add I have never been clucky and never enjoyed childminding in my early days - I dont dislike children in fact love my friends and families children but also love leaving them to go home for some peace.... I know you blissfully happy parents are going to say of course we are missing out but would love some general opinions/advice. Anyone out there decided not to have children and regretted it down the line etc .... appreciate any responses

seamus

I would be of the opinion that if you wanted children you would "know". Regardless of how much you want kids, yes if you have a child you will love it to bits and it will be something which you would not otherwise have experienced.

But that doesn't make it an essential life experience. A Ferrari owner might tell you that owning a Ferrari is a special experience and anyone who doesn't own a Ferrari is missing out. Now that may be true, but I'm pretty sure I can live the rest of my life comfortable that I've never had the experience of owning and loving a Ferrari.

As you say, you love leaving them and going home for peace - aside from the fact that the child is yours, your children will be those same noisy, messy, scary, expensive little monsters that your friends and family have to deal with. There's nothing else there - everything about having a child is all laid bare, there's no secret clubs or perks that only parents find out about.

Perhaps volunteering/working with children might fill any sort of "gap" you have without actually having to raise a child of your own?

BroomBurner

OP, think it out, and talk with your OH about the reasons why you might like to have children and the reasons why you might not want to have them.

Just don't have them because other people do.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi, sorry for long post - just looking for some opinions please. I'm mid thirties and Hubby is a couple of years younger. We are together over 8 years and both never felt we wanted children - discussed early days and right through our relationship. I recently have been having some niggling doubts. Love my hubby and life (basically our freedom!) but sometimes look at parents who are blissfully happy with kids and think to myself are we missing out on something? Let me add I have never been clucky and never enjoyed childminding in my early days - I dont dislike children in fact love my friends and families children but also love leaving them to go home for some peace.... I know you blissfully happy parents are going to say of course we are missing out but would love some general opinions/advice. Anyone out there decided not to have children and regretted it down the line etc .... appreciate any responses

I suggest that you start mentioning it to your partner now, before it builds up. Mention it exactly like you do here. Say it has been coming into your mind more recently... and bothering you. You never know he may feel the same, or not... as the case may be. But if you "save it up" until it grows bigger in your mind, it will be that much more difficult to talk about and will make it extremely hard for him to deal with it, because you will have been thinking about it for ages.

All the best.

LegacyUser

Thanks so much for your responses, its great to hear others perspectives. I do agree that if you wanted children you would 'know' and equally if you dont you also 'know'. There is no great biological urge just a little doubt that one day we might regret not having them but really how can you regret something if its how you have felt all along. Firm believer of not doing things just because everyone else is but it is such a major part of other peoples lives. I have thrashed it out with Hubby and he understands but still feels same as he always has and thinks deep down I do too so for now we will continue to enjoy our childfree lives......thanks so much again.