Doesn't Say I love you!!!

LG26

Hi Guys

Would anyone think it is a bit strange if their OH only told them "I Love You" in text or over the phone when saying Good Night but not face to face?

My OH will only tell me he loves me in this way, I have tried to say it to him and he laughs saying im imagining things and of course he says it to my face. But he doesn't and only says it to my face in response to me saying it to him. I just find it strange and I know im not imagining it, cause why would I. Im not gonna make an issue out of something when there is no reason.

It's not that i need to hear it all the time, but it would be nice for him to look at me and tell me and not just hear it on the phone or read it on text.

Just wanted to see if anyone else thought this was strange or is this just another "typical bloke" situation??

weird

Maybe because he doesn't love you? I am lad, I have said it several times to different women without any issue. However, I wouldn't say it to a woman that I didn't love.

I have been your situation before. I dated a girl for a year who wouldn't say it... I then found out that she was cheating on me.

She didn't say "I love you" because she didn't love me.

No matter how much you want someone to love you, sometimes they just don't.

StopNotWorking

Could just be shy, I've known blokes who were weird about saying those 3 words in public to their OH.

LG26

Maybe you are right, we are together nearly 2 years, when he says it in a text and i don't say it back he always ask do I love him but he never says it to my face. Thats what I find really strange. and as I said when I say it to him that he never says it to my face, he disagrees and says he does.

He is so caring and does loads for me and he also says that actions speak louder than words and I should know that he loves me, but sometimes its just nice to hear it. He's always buying me little thoughtful gifts etc but I suppose being a girl you like to hear it and not read it all the time.

Do you really think it could be a case he doesn't love me???

weird

LG26 wrote: »

Maybe you are right, we are together nearly 2 years, when he says it in a text and i don't say it back he always ask do I love him but he never says it to my face. Thats what I find really strange. and as I said when I say it to him that he never says it to my face, he disagrees and says he does.

He is so caring and does loads for me and he also says that actions speak louder than words and I should know that he loves me, but sometimes its just nice to hear it. He's always buying me little thoughtful gifts etc but I suppose being a girl you like to hear it and not read it all the time.

Do you really think it could be a case he doesn't love me???

I don't know if he doesn't love you or not, but I know it is a possibility. People get into relationships for all sorts of reasons, love isn't the only one. People often confuse loneliness and the need for affection with love.

He sounds like a nice and caring guy; you need to discuss all this with him. 2 years is a long time... where is this relationship going?

LG26

Hi Weird

I want it to go as far as possible and he has said he wants the same. The thing is I have said it to him that he has never said it to my face unless I say it to him first and he laughes saying im exaggerating and of course he does. Now he will say it first over the phone/text without me saying anything, it's just the face to face thing I have a problem with. I just think it's really strange.

I suppose im a little nervous about bringing it up with him cause any time I have he's like, "are you serious, I do say it" "actions speak louder than words", "you know how much I love you, your my life". But i wouldn't hear any of that unless I bring it up. He makes me question myself then into thinking, oh maybe he does say it and I just don't remember. Like if we're lying in bed he'd never look me straight in the face and tell me.

weird

LG26 wrote: »

Hi Weird

I want it to go as far as possible and he has said he wants the same. The thing is I have said it to him that he has never said it to my face unless I say it to him first and he laughes saying im exaggerating and of course he does. Now he will say it first over the phone/text without me saying anything, it's just the face to face thing I have a problem with. I just think it's really strange.

I suppose im a little nervous about bringing it up with him cause any time I have he's like, "are you serious, I do say it" "actions speak louder than words", "you know how much I love you, your my life". But i wouldn't hear any of that unless I bring it up. He makes me question myself then into thinking, oh maybe he does say it and I just don't remember. Like if we're lying in bed he'd never look me straight in the face and tell me.

This is obviously something you need, and it's something he is unwilling or unable to do.

When you're asking him to say "I love you" to your face are you asking him to lie to your face? Maybe he won't do that.

Thing is: do you feel loved? Where does your need to have him verbalize it come from? maybe you don't feel loved for a reason? you need to start asking yourself some tough questions about your place in this relationship.

LG26

I have told him in the past that it would be nice to hear it now and again to my face, not every day or anything or everytime we see eachother but just once and awhile.

Yes I do feel he loves me, the things he does for me etc, I suppose my thing is that I would really love that whole thing of being looked in the eye and told, maybe just for confidence for myself.

He has said before that of course he wants to be with me etc, he's proud to have me on his arm to show off, that comment kinda made me think then that he likes to have me when we're out as a kinda trophy, but is that it.

As a bloke Weird, do you think im just being silly and he's just being a bloke or honestly would you be the type of person to say it.

Mrs Shankly

Hi LG,

This is what I think- actions speak louder than words (sorry to pull out the cliches!)- So look at what he does, not what he says

LG26

Hi Mrs Shankly

Do you really believe that though? For some reason it's really bothering me.

As Weird said "People get into relationships for all sorts of reasons, love isn't the only one. People often confuse loneliness and the need for affection with love."

weird

LG26 wrote: »

I have told him in the past that it would be nice to hear it now and again to my face, not every day or anything or everytime we see eachother but just once and awhile.

Yes I do feel he loves me, the things he does for me etc, I suppose my thing is that I would really love that whole thing of being looked in the eye and told, maybe just for confidence for myself.

He has said before that of course he wants to be with me etc, he's proud to have me on his arm to show off, that comment kinda made me think then that he likes to have me when we're out as a kinda trophy, but is that it.

As a bloke Weird, do you think im just being silly and he's just being a bloke or honestly would you be the type of person to say it.

yes, I say it if I feel it.

maybe you need to tell this bit to your bf? "I suppose my thing is that I would really love that whole thing of being looked in the eye and told, maybe just for confidence for myself."

Guys are differnt, we all don't act the same. There is no standard "bloke" behavior.

LG26

Maybe I will say it to him, I just dread the thought of it, i am quite independent I don't like to come across as needy or unconfident. He has also put a lock on his phone, went to use it to ring someone yesterday and noticed I could unlock the phone cause he has a code you have to input now.

Maybe im just being paranoid but it all seems a bit strange to me.

Mrs Shankly

LG26 wrote: »

Hi Mrs Shankly

Do you really believe that though? For some reason it's really bothering me.

As Weird said "People get into relationships for all sorts of reasons, love isn't the only one. People often confuse loneliness and the need for affection with love."

Hi LG,

I do believe that- I once had a boyfriend who made very free with the L word, yet his behaviour didn't mirror that. I also know guys who are shy enough about that sort of thing, yet that in no way reflects on how they feel about their girlfriends.

Of course, there is no one size fits all solution to this sort of thing, and every guy is wired differently-yet if he says things like "you know how much I love you, you're my life", then it looks good to me.

I think Weird gave some good advice about speaking to him, as then he'll know how much it means to him.

Best of Luck!

Munster_Gal

I spent 18 months with a guy who never told me he loved me.
He signed cards and stuff with Love, XXX. Told me everyday he was crazy about me and how happy I made him. I never thought anything of it........

He then eventually broke up with me because he didn't love me! You really need to talk to your boyfriend. I'd hate to see anyone go through the same thing I went through.

On the other hand, Maybe he's just a bit wierd about saying it to your face. Some people just find it difficult.

Hope it works out x

MissyN

I do think your bf should be well able to say it to you after all this time being with you but at the same time, actions really do speak louder than words.

My ex told me many times a day that he loved me, then one day out of the blue he walked out and left me so what does that say!

I think you should be able to talk to your guy and find out whats going on there. If its bad news, then you're better off finding out sooner rather than later. But obviously I hope its not bad news hun.

LegacyUser

I think you are being way too insecure. No offence.

He is telling you and showing you he loves you. Just because he isn't saying the exact three words in the exact time and way you think he should doesn't mean he's not feeling it.

I'm a bit like this too (and I'm a girl), can be absolutely head over heels in love but I tend to show it more than say it. Just the way some people are, talk is cheap after all! :-)

Someone who needs reassurance in a specific way can be extremely tiring, after all you did say that he does say/type it (and other sweet things) and shows you he loves you. If you think about it, is there anything he does that doesn't make you feel loved outside of this? People are different that's all. This is a minor thing, anyone can say those words, it's how he is with you everyday that should show you how much he loves you.

At this point he probably feels like even if he does say it, it'll only be because you've asked him to, so why don't you ease up on him for a while and just enjoy yourselves? My bet is he'll end up just saying it to you without thinking as soon as you do!

I hope this works out for you op!

Moomoo1

I have a problem saying the 3 words. Some people just can't express their feelings freely...

It really isn't a big deal (but of course I'd say that!)

Nevyn

Actions speak louder then words.

LG26

Hi All,

Thanks so much for your replies, I suppose in a way i am a little insecure even though I hate to admit it. Have had a really tough year so far and he has been there for me 100% even though at times I have pushed him away.

I do believe he loves me and I agree actions speak louder than words, I suppose it'd be nice to be looked in the eye and told and to feel those butterflies, instead of reading it all the time or hearing it on the other end of the phone. Moomoo1 I agree with you, and he cannot express his feelings 100% either, keeps alot of stuff in, so that could be part of it.

I have decided to just relax and go with it, it is probably the best thing, I really need to maybe cop onto to the fact that I have such a good thing with him and if those 3 words is all that is missing from time to time, well so be it.

Thanks again for all your replies, thats the thing I love about Boards you get perspective from different angles.

Thanks again xxxx