I proposed during the week but very anxious

LegacyUser

As mentioned I proposed to my long term GF during the week. The problem is I was very nervouse (and still am). Not because of what the answer might be but because I was so freaked out weather or not I was making the right decision!!!!I must have changed my mind about 20 times in my head in the weeks leading up to the proposal.
Are these normal feelings? I mean, if she said "no" I dont think I would have been bothered. I am so scared of commitment and having children and getting old etc.
Would I have these feelings if "I was in Love with her"
Please help... Im so confused

Is getting on brilliant with someone, good lucks, beautiful person enough..? or is there something missing.

LegacyUser

What were your reasons for changing your mind? When you were asking the big question in your head were you thinking "please say no"? Was she putting pressure on you to get married or were your family?

You sound like you only asked because its the next step in the relationship, either get married or get out..

you should be feeling like you want to spend the rest of your life with her and that you would be devestated if she'd said no. you dont seem like your heart is truly in it.

Kimia

I think it's totally normal OP, in fact I wouldn't be surprised if she's freaking out too right now! It's a big step!

How did it feel the moment she said yes? Were you happy? That'll tell you a lot. Also if it continues to feel wrong and you're dreading it completely you'll know then that it was the wrong decision.

But don't jump to that conclusion. It may be just that you're just having a very normal reaction so see how it goes. Sometimes the proposal seems to be the last step in a way? And then when the girl says yes you realise what it actually means if that makes sense. It's ok I'd say what you're feeling is totally normal.

lynsalot

Hi Op

It's such a massive step... and you will be a little freaked out. just because you're marrying someone your life doesn't stop. You are still you with the same interests and hobbies. Children don't automatically come with a wedding ring. Talk to her about kids and the future about what u both want.

If u love the girl and u get on brilliantly are attracted to her then that's pretty much it yes. If ur anxious feelings are separate to your feelings about her, then it's probably just nerves. You don't have to get married straight away - u could be engaged for 3/4 years or more if u wanted to. Are u living together? This will really show u how it's going. Being engaged isn't being married.... i'd advise to have a long engagement to make sure it's what u want. but ur life doesn't miraculously change.... it's just a piece of paper. U'll still be the same, with the same relationship but u are promising the other person that u'll be there for them for the rest of ur life. So make sure it's what u want

loloray

proposedalready wrote: »

I mean, if she said "no" I dont think I would have been bothered.

What? Why did you ask her then?
Seems to me is that the clue to your answer is there.

prinz

proposedalready wrote: »

As mentioned I proposed to my long term GF during the week. The problem is I was very nervouse (and still am)..

Nerves are perfectly normal

proposedalready wrote: »

Not because of what the answer might be but because I was so freaked out weather or not I was making the right decision!!!!I must have changed my mind about 20 times in my head in the weeks leading up to the proposal.

Natural to start wondering, am I doing the right thing etc.

proposedalready wrote: »

Are these normal feelings? I mean, if she said "no" I dont think I would have been bothered.

Not good at all.

proposedalready wrote: »

I am so scared of commitment and having children and getting old etc.

Not a great start tbh.You should work on your issues here, before getting engaged. Do you think these fears are going to go away between now and the wedding?

proposedalready wrote: »

Would I have these feelings if "I was in Love with her"
Please help... Im so confused.

It's normal to be nervous, to change your mind and all that. I proposed a few months ago, went through the same. Had the ring for almost a month tyring to find the right time to bring it up. That said, the one thing that was not on my mind was a fear of what I was doing.
A proposal/engagement is a commitment. Plus having the attitude - whether she says yes or no, it doesn't bother me, is pure apathy and doesn't bode well for the relationship. As a matter of interest what did she say..

Permabear

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