Why do some men do this???

LegacyUser

After weeks of being chatted up by this man I finally fall for him and decide to give it a go last night. But then he goes cold and backs off completely. I feel like such a fool now. It's not the first time this has happened either. Why do fellas do this? They must be interested to go to all the trouble of chasing you so once they know they have you why do they give up? Is it the thrill of the chase or what? Would love males opinions on this!

GoodBoy09

Hey, sorry to hear about that! I know from my single days the fun of the chase was all important!! The thought of "what if" or "could i" ? I guess from here you need to play him at his game if you're still in contact, play it cool and test his metal to see if he really is interested. If you're not still in contact, move on...

NickNolte

very confused wrote: »

After weeks of being chatted up by this man I finally fall for him and decide to give it a go last night. But then he goes cold and backs off completely.

There's a distinct possibility that he had to spend so long 'convincing' you and jumping through hoops that his pride was dented and it just became about satisfying his ego. Had you decided to treat him as an equal and given him a chance instead of playing mind games and/or 'evaluating' him then it may have worked out better for both of you. You think it's just women that want to be persued/admired/desired? I think you pretty much shot yourself in the foot.

This is where the 'all man are bastards' thinking comes from. If you don't treat us as equals, don't expect the same treatment.

LegacyUser

could be a couple of reasons

I spend so long chasing a woman before and she really made me work hard for it, started out mad about her, but she put me through so much hassle to get her, when she decided I was good enough for her, the whole ordeal had turned me off her. Only realised I didn't feel the same way about her anymore when she fell for me.

If he's been after you for a while, he could have built up an image of you being the perfect woman, and he could be a little intimidated by you. Chasing is fine as there is no danger, but going on an actual date/doing the deed could be worrying him.

G-Money

I think what earlier posters have said sounds somewhat true. I mean if you like a girl there's nothing worse than constantly feeling like you are chasing after her. I mean there's a difference between throwing yourself at a guy as soon as he looks at you and trying to have him dance to your tune for weeks on end.

For me anyway I understand the chase is part of the "game" but I think if you go as far as to let a girl know you are interested, if she's interested too, then both people should proceed like grown ups, get to know each other, go out etc. No mind games or toying with them. I think if a guy makes a move and you're interested but instead of reciprocating you try to make him jump through hoops to see how "worthy" he is, you've no-one to blame but yourself if he loses interest. And trying to justify it as something like "he musn't have been interested otherwise he'd have kept going" holds no water whatsoever. I mean, would you constantly chase after a guy who was showing you no interest? Definitely not, so don't expect the same back.

I think I mentioned this on another thread but it's like going to a job interview, being offered the job then messing the company around and expecting them to keep chasing you trying to get you to take the job.

I'm not saying you strung this guy along making him "work for it" but if you did, it's your own fault he went cold and no amount of convuluted female reasoning will prove otherwise.

dlofnep

Sometimes the chase is more fun than the reward.

VaioCruiser

NickNolte wrote: »

There's a distinct possibility that he had to spend so long 'convincing' you and jumping through hoops that his pride was dented and it just became about satisfying his ego. Had you decided to treat him as an equal and given him a chance instead of playing mind games and/or 'evaluating' him then it may have worked out better for both of you. You think it's just women that want to be persued/admired/desired? I think you pretty much shot yourself in the foot.

This is where the 'all man are bastards' thinking comes from. If you don't treat us as equals, don't expect the same treatment.

With respect to the OP, and the obvious lack of background info ..... I agree 100% with this post.

jujujujuju

Hi OP,
Im in the middle of trying to cope with and figure out a very similar situation, had been making eye contact with a handsome stranger for months in my local tennis club, started to develop a huge crush on him and was going there 3/4 times a week to see him. Couldnt believe my luck when i bumped into him in a pub, he approached me straigh away, told me all the things I wanted to hear, such as he has been trying to speak to me for months also blah blah blah.... We went out twice, lots of texts and I decided that I was going to be completely up front, honest , friendly and not play games ......I decided that I would simply be the "nice girl"...open to getting to know each other more and responsive ....looking back I was probably too available and not much of a challenge to him.

Anyway the texts stopped and now he barely says hello to me!
Bizzare!