Guys Weirded Out by Sleeping with a Virgin?

LegacyUser

Hey all, so going unreg for this. As I've mentioned before here, I'm a 21 year old girl who has yet to do the deed. This isn't because I'm a prude or saving myself for marriage or something, I've just never met anyone I've wanted to do it with.

Anyway, at this point I feel I'm properly ready but I'm a little worried that if it comes to the crtical moment with a guy and I mention subtley that I haven't done it before, is he likely to be weirded out or feel extra pressure? I know that in this day and age 21 is a bit old not to have had sex but I still don't regret waiting. What is a guy's reaction to learning this though?

Any advice appreciated!

Virgil°

If hes worth his salt at all he'll probably feel privilaged to be your first time.

eleven

Hi OP.

I think it's great that you've waited. When you meet a nice guy you'd like to sleep with, just tell him before hand. Not the moment before the crunch! Guys are nice generally , He'll be interested, probably nervous himself, gentle and eager no doubt! Have fun and be careful. And remember, the best thing about sex is the exploration of each others body, and that it's really so much fun!

x

Faith

Personally, I don't understand why you have to say anything. I didn't tell the guy I lost my virginity to that it was my first time.

If it happens in a relationship, then maybe it will have come up before in conversation. In fact, if you start a relationship with a guy and want him to know beforehand, I'd definitely bring it up in conversation early on, but let him know you're ready now. I certainly wouldn't be blurting it out as he's climbing on top of me. If it's the case where you happen to meet a guy on a night out and decide to go for it, I wouldn't bother telling him either.

I think, if I were a guy, or if I were with a guy who told me he was a virgin at a critical moment, I'd feel under extra pressure to make their first time amazing. It's probably not going to put them off if they care about you, but I'd tell them well in advance or not at all (or at least wait until afterwards).

msg11

Same problem myself, OP. I am 19, and spent alot of time messing around and what not but never had sex!

Makes it worse is I am a bloke, and my girlfriend knows too, and I was thinking to myself, I wonder if she finds it weird ? Or am I just going loopy ? How would you feel if you were the girl ?

Shiny

I think you should tell him because how the hell is he going to know
that he "has to take it easy" ?

You think he wont be freaked out if you start bleeding and he doesn't know
why ?

Eun

Im a guy and tbh Id be quite chuffed if some girl decided to loose their virginity with me.:)

galwaybob

Shiny wrote: »

You think he wont be freaked out if you start bleeding and he doesn't know
why ?

Thats not a given, is it???

Micky Dolenz

I've been with a few virgins and there is no way you could tell, there may have been slight staining but no blood of note.

I wouldn't bother saying anything, it could make things a bit more uncomfortable for both of ye. And remember it gets better the more you do it.

Boston

Faith wrote: »

Personally, I don't understand why you have to say anything. I didn't tell the guy I lost my virginity to that it was my first time.

If it happens in a relationship, then maybe it will have come up before in conversation. In fact, if you start a relationship with a guy and want him to know beforehand, I'd definitely bring it up in conversation early on, but let him know you're ready now.

I definitely think you should talk about Sex, before having sex. If nothing more then to gauge the other parties sexual history. I will say that Virgins (especially the type who refer to their virginity as "their flower", or to "gifting it") can hugely over hype the act, and that, rather then the virginity, is what puts the pressure on.

I think, if I were a guy, or if I were with a guy who told me he was a virgin at a critical moment, I'd feel under extra pressure to make their first time amazing. It's probably not going to put them off if they care about you, but I'd tell them well in advance or not at all (or at least wait until afterwards).

Meh, the first time will almost always be a waste out. The important thing is to not pressurise the person and let them feel in control. There will be plenty of time for great sex but I'm not going to be going all out the first time.

LegacyUser

OP here, actually in my case, the whole first time 'messiness' is already taken care of so to speak, so there wouldn't be any physical signs really. If I wasn't in a relationship though, and just met a guy somewhere that I liked enough to go home with, he's not going to think that I'm in love with him or anything just because my first time was with him? Is it a big deal psychologically for guys is what I'm asking I suppose.

Eun

Unregistered21 wrote: »

OP here, actually in my case, the whole first time 'messiness' is already taken care of so to speak, so there wouldn't be any physical signs really. If I wasn't in a relationship though, and just met a guy somewhere that I liked enough to go home with, he's not going to think that I'm in love with him or anything just because my first time was with him? Is it a big deal psychologically for guys is what I'm asking I suppose.

nope, not at all.

MJOR

I broke my hymen while horse riding.... . I was 24 and in a relationship with the guy I knew him and while and just didn't bother telling him. Once the foreplay is good then it should all run smoothly. I know where you are coming from... I never really wanted it that bad or met the right person. It's not weird or should he be weirded out by it

Boston

You know, I'd probably be incredible hurt if my partner never mentioned that or felt it was something they didn't have to bother bringing up.

prinz

Boston wrote: »

You know, I'd probably be incredible hurt if my partner never mentioned that or felt it was something they didn't have to bother bringing up.

If it's a ONS there you'd never know , if a relationship begins then the OP can discuss it afterward.

herya

If it's a no strings night you don't need to bring it up but in a serious relationship I'd recommend telling him about it earlier as it is a kind of special occasion for you both. If it's a good relationship he'd know such things about you anyway & the other way round.

Boston

Boston wrote: »

You know, I'd probably be incredible hurt if my partner never mentioned that or felt it was something they didn't have to bother bringing up.

prinz wrote: »

If it's a ONS there you'd never know , if a relationship begins then the OP can discuss it afterward.

Maybe I'm old fashioned in assuming a relationship exists prior to loosing your virginity, hence I used the word partner.

baileyjackson

As a guy, I would say the only thing that concerns me is if i was to hurt her. Many girls find their first times slightly painful. The blood would freak me out more then her, but i wouldnt make a big deal out of it as I understand some girls would find it embarrassing.

prinz

Boston wrote: »

Maybe I'm old fashioned in assuming a relationship exists prior to loosing your virginity, hence I used the word partner.

OP was asking about taking a guy home for a night, not starting a relationship and not with a partner.
My advice to the OP though would be the same, a relationship would be best place to experience this.

Faith

Shiny wrote: »

You think he wont be freaked out if you start bleeding and he doesn't know
why ?

Bleeding is in no way guaranteed when a woman loses her virginity. I experienced none at all. Indeed, bleeding after sex can be due to a huge number of factors, one shouldn't assume their partner was a virgin.

Unregistered21 wrote: »

OP here, actually in my case, the whole first time 'messiness' is already taken care of so to speak, so there wouldn't be any physical signs really. If I wasn't in a relationship though, and just met a guy somewhere that I liked enough to go home with, he's not going to think that I'm in love with him or anything just because my first time was with him? Is it a big deal psychologically for guys is what I'm asking I suppose.

When you say the messiness is taken care of, do you mean you've used a vibrator before? If you have, I don't think there should be any obvious signs that you're a virgin at all. If you weren't in a relationship, I wouldn't mention it, like I said. I see no point.

A friend of mine randomly met a girl out one night, and was invited back to a party. He and the girl ended up alone, and were about to have sex when she announced that she was a virgin. He was a bit freaked out, and because he knew it would just have been a one night stand, he refused to sleep with her out of a sense of decency. He straight out told her she should find someone better. So that's an example of a guy getting freaked out and assuming the girl would become very emotionally attached.

(As it were, I know she subsequently met a great guy who she's been going out with for a long time now.)

I suppose the question is, would it be a big deal for you psychologically? Do you think you could handle losing your virginity on a ONS with a guy who doesn't know you?

Boston wrote: »

You know, I'd probably be incredible hurt if my partner never mentioned that or felt it was something they didn't have to bother bringing up.

Sure, if it was a significant relationship, I agree it should come up beforehand.

Eric Cartman

for a relationship i wouldnt go near a virgin, but if your up for losing it then and there id say itll be grand and not offputting .

also , to the posters who are saying the guy would feel privaleged/happy you decided to lose it to him, - no , i have never talked to anyone who thinks like that , its nothing special.

Dudess

I agree with Faith in the case of a casual encounter. Only thing is, you'd need him to be a bit gentle so perhaps just say "it's been a while" or something. And say you like a lot of foreplay, which will turn you on to the point that you'll be physically prepared for penetration.
In the case of something that looks more like long-term relationship material, I'd agree with Boston. And 21 isn't that old to be a virgin - there have been quite a few "30 and still a virgin" threads here.

Eric Cartman wrote: »

for a relationship i wouldnt go near a virgin

Wow... even if she's an amazing girl? A girl could be a virgin for other reasons besides being a prude/having issues.

Nervous Wreck

If I was about to sleep with a girl and she told me it was her first time, my only reaction (apart from a small swelling of pride of course) would just to take extra care in making it special and being gentle about it. Dunno about other lads but I'd say most would be similar....

ray giraffe

Nervous Wreck wrote: »

If I was about to sleep with a girl and she told me it was her first time, my only reaction (apart from a small swelling of pride of course)

Only a small swelling of pride?

LegacyUser

Nope not at all, as a guy of same age i would actually be privileged. I would take it all as slowly and be as gentle as possible in everyway.

I know how it is after all, i was in the same situation not too long ago.

First times are something nobody forgets so id always try make it a good rememorable one and im sure your OH / Partner or whatever will do the same if they care for you.

Best of luck anywho!

VaioCruiser

Unregistered21 wrote: »

Hey all, so going unreg for this. As I've mentioned before here, I'm a 21 year old girl who has yet to do the deed. This isn't because I'm a prude or saving myself for marriage or something, I've just never met anyone I've wanted to do it with.

Anyway, at this point I feel I'm properly ready but I'm a little worried that if it comes to the crtical moment with a guy and I mention subtley that I haven't done it before, is he likely to be weirded out or feel extra pressure? I know that in this day and age 21 is a bit old not to have had sex but I still don't regret waiting. What is a guy's reaction to learning this though?

Any advice appreciated!

Hi there OP. As a guy who is a lot older I would have this to say.

Firstly I really think that there is absolutely no need to say this to a guy. There is nothing in life that means we have to have total disclosure before we sleep together. I suggest you relax and let it happen. If it is a guy you date and like, then you may wish to tell him straight afterward. That will avoid the pressure on you and him, and will probably enhance the occasion.

As far as guys reaction, I would say that an older guy would probably feel a lot of responsibility if he was to be told ahead of time. A guy your own age would not have so much experience himself, and DEFinitely not as much experience as he will claim to have. So he will probably be happy.

Please don't do it with a pickup just to lose it. Even in these sexually liberated times, it is a still a special thing to have full sex for the first time and a nice thing to have memories of doing it with a guy you liked and dated for at least a short while.

All the best.

Eric Cartman

Dudess wrote: »

Wow... even if she's an amazing girl? A girl could be a virgin for other reasons besides being a prude/having issues.

if its a religious issue - 100% no, definitley no ,
prude - see above
she just hasnt found someone to do it with - only if shes willing to give it up damn quick (like a month tops)

Pigwidgeon

To be honest, i didn't mention it to my boyfriend, i think he had an idea anyway though but it was never an issue, more an unspoken understanding. I know he was my first and he knows, we just never really felt the need to mention it.

Eric Cartman wrote: »

if its a religious issue - 100% no, definitley no ,
prude - see above
she just hasnt found someone to do it with - only if shes willing to give it up damn quick (like a month tops)

that's a bit much don't you think?
what if a girl had had sex with someone before and as a result had bad experiences, and wanted to wait a while before. would you end it then? relationships really aren't all about sex you know.

Eric Cartman

kateos2 wrote: »

To be honest, i didn't mention it to my boyfriend, i think he had an idea anyway though but it was never an issue, more an unspoken understanding. I know he was my first and he knows, we just never really felt the need to mention it.



that's a bit much don't you think?
what if a girl had had sex with someone before and as a result had bad experiences, and wanted to wait a while before. would you end it then? relationships really aren't all about sex you know.

im not a relationship person really i dont really connect with people on a level thats not just friendship or sex,

i think this may be getting a little off topic, but i suppose not...

Phlann

If I was in a relationship with the girl I'd think it was cool and probably feel kind of honoured. But if she was out to lose it on a one-nighter, I genuinely wouldn't go through with it...

... and I'd probably think she was a bit weird.

IT-Guy

Unregistered21 wrote: »

Hey all, so going unreg for this. As I've mentioned before here, I'm a 21 year old girl who has yet to do the deed. This isn't because I'm a prude or saving myself for marriage or something, I've just never met anyone I've wanted to do it with.

Anyway, at this point I feel I'm properly ready but I'm a little worried that if it comes to the crtical moment with a guy and I mention subtley that I haven't done it before, is he likely to be weirded out or feel extra pressure? I know that in this day and age 21 is a bit old not to have had sex but I still don't regret waiting. What is a guy's reaction to learning this though?

Any advice appreciated!

Hi OP

My gf told me about 3 weeks into our relationship (before we'd slept together, thankfully I've the patience of a saint!) that she was a virgin. I was stunned to be honest as she was 28 and I assumed she had been sexually active before I met her. I wasn't the least bit freaked out as she was open and honest about it though she did admit to being nervous about telling me. As you said in your post and she said to me, she just never met the right guy before so I felt extremely privileged she chose me to lose her virginity to.

On our first night together, we went out for a meal, went back to my house, had a few glasses of wine (just enough to relax us both and not dull the experience) went upstairs and had an amazing night. From my own experience of it, I'm glad I knew she was a virgin beforehand and am a damn lucky guy to have been her first. 21 isn't that old to be a virgin and kudos to you for your patience. You will meet someone you feel you could lose your virginity to and hopefully he'll be a gentleman about it. Best of luck!

LegacyUser

OP again. Thanks guys for all your honest advice. So out of curiosity do most guys lose theirs in a relationship or by one night stand?

Victor

Unregistered21 wrote: »

So out of curiosity do most guys lose theirs in a relationship or by one night stand?

That sounds more like the start of soap operaing than a PI.

I imagine its a mix.