Engagment ring: how much? The money thread.

onering

I've done a search already, and from the other thread on the matter it appears that while €1500 was a suitable amount to spend, the majority replied: it's not about the money. Which, of course it's not, but...

...I know my OH wouldn't care if I produced a €10 euro ring. She's said as much many times. It's the sentiment, not the value, that appeals to her. So much so, she's suggested that a temporary ring, would be the valuable one to her (if produced); it'd be the "real" engagement ring. Knowing her as long as I do, I' know she's honest.

So the problem isn't coming from her. My problem lies with her friends. Her best mates, are extremely crass when it comes to money. I know one defiantly will ask the value, straight out, and I know the other will be all about the €€€. I know my OH doesn't care, but there is part of me that wants to make sure she’s protected from her mates comments (if that make sense) or maybe at some level there’s part of me like them.

Sorry I know this is turning into a PI! So to the crux: I've no idea how much to spend. I know I'm best travelling abroad. But how much do people really spend?

I'm going to make a poll. I want it to be anonymous so people can be honest. I feel I'm not the only person with this problem, so please do respond.

Clareman

Ahhh, this old chestnut, thank you DeBeers

How much would you spend on a pair of jeans? Some people are happy to goto Dunnes, others want the latest and greatest from some designer. This might sound corney, but when the person who's going to be wearing the ring sees her ring, that's the 1, doesn't matter what the price is

Tigger

some people prioritise money differently to others

i never buy new cars dcos of depriciation but i spent a good bit on the ring

discuss it with her ?

onering

Clareman wrote: »

How much would you spend on a pair of jeans? Some people are happy to goto Dunnes, others want the latest and greatest from some designer. This might sound corney, but when the person who's going to be wearing the ring sees her ring, that's the 1, doesn't matter what the price is

Well, to be fair, I've bought jeans before, so I know what I'm at. This is the first time I'm buying a product I know, relativly, f-all about.
When I bought my PC, I bought top of the line, built it myself and spent €2500 - but I knew what I was at.

Tigger wrote: »

some people prioritise money differently to others
i never buy new cars dcos of depriciation but i spent a good bit on the ring
discuss it with her ?

I want to keep it a surprise. She's done a lot for me this year, and she's not expecting it, so I know I can't go wrong. I just was want to start working out how much to save!

Folks, I understand it's a bit like "how long is a piece of string" and I know it's not about the money. However, money is involved, so if we can, can I just state:
I know it's about the sentiment, not the amount.
and box that off. The reason for the poll is so I can garner a grasp of the avgerage cost. Thanks.

Mods: perhaps I forgot to add "Didn't buy a ring" to that poll - can you please add this value for me? Thanks in advance.

Clareman

I bought a ring for the OH for 8k, friend of mine bought 1 for his OH for 2k, another 4 and the last 1 didn't buy 1 at all. They say a good rule of thumb is to pay 3 months salary on the ring, but that's usually outlined by the jewelers

1 of the best I've heard of is a could went on holidays, the fella bought a diamond and a lump of gold, held those out and proposed, they then went to a ring designer and got the gold and diamond made into the ring, didn't cost that much (including the holiday)

aoibhebree

Mine cost about three thousand, but I've never told anyone the price - it's none of their business and I politely tell people so when they ask!

I would honestly have been happy with a much cheaper one if I liked it - plenty of ones that we looked at were below the €1,000 mark - but the one we got was the one that both of us just loved when I tried it on.

Bear in mind that, if you get a cheaper one, there is a risk that it mightn't be as well made. I know someone who bought an 18ct white gold engagement ring in a well-known high street jewellers for €600. The diamonds fell out of it within a month so she exchanged it for a similar one, and then the exact same thing happened! She ended up getting a refund and buying elsewhere. I'm not saying that will always be the case with cheaper rings, but it's a risk.

Have you decided yet if you're getting gold/white gold/platinum?

onering

Gold (not white gold) is her preference.

aoibhebree

Well as you probably know, gold isn't quite as expensive as white gold or platinum, so you'll have more room in your budget for diamonds!

Some advice - when you go shopping, tell the shop assistants your budget, and stick to it. We ended up walking out of one shop because they kept bringing out rings that were literally double our budget, even though we kept telling them that we couldn't go above it.

Tattoo Stan

With great help from my sister, I just bought one that I thought looked really nice. Cost £1,200 online from London.

I'd highly recommend getting a woman's opinion as the first one I liked was terrible as it turned out! I kind of forgot they'd be wearing it every day...it's a bit like a tattoo in that sense so it best be right.

The higher the price, the uglier the ring I found.

ntlbell

I'm a bit confused about the protecting her from her friends part

are you going to tell your gf how much it was?

do the OH's generally know how much the ring was?

i find this very odd

onering

ntlbell wrote: »

I'm a bit confused about the protecting her from her friends part

well don't worry about it - it's not really the point of the thread.

are you going to tell your gf how much it was?

I'm sure it's something she would learn, what with insurance and valuations and certificate and what not.

do the OH's generally know how much the ring was?

I would have thought so, you need to get it valued and state the value on your house insurance if you wish to get it insured.

Big Nelly

Nobody should ever ask how much you paid for your ring, its none of there business and bad luck. Also you shouldnt need to ask on here, work out how much you can afford and then get a ring for that amount. Not try to get information on here so you feel better if you buy a cheap ass ring when you could of offered a better ring. I spent a good bit when I got the ring for my GF but not going to say how much on here!!!:)

ntlbell

onering wrote: »

well don't worry about it - it's not really the point of the thread.
I'm sure it's something she would learn, what with insurance and valuations and certificate and what not.
I would have thought so, you need to get it valued and state the value on your house insurance if you wish to get it insured.

but they don't bring the cert around to the pub to show their friends surely?

anyway off topic sorry!

aoibhebree

Even if she knows, you could just both agree not to tell anyone, and she can pretend to any nosey friends that you didn't tell her?

onering

aoibhebree wrote: »

Even if she knows, you could just both agree not to tell anyone, and she can pretend to any nosey friends that you didn't tell her?

Well she wouldn't say it to anyone, I'm sure, and neither would I. But I'd have thought that people who had gone through the process would be able to make a very educated guess? Am I wrong?

Big Nelly wrote: »

Nobody should ever ask how much you paid for your ring, its none of there business and bad luck. Also you shouldnt need to ask on here, work out how much you can afford and then get a ring for that amount. Not try to get information on here so you feel better if you buy a cheap ass ring when you could of offered a better ring. I spent a good bit when I got the ring for my GF but not going to say how much on here!!!:)

While I appreciate your wholly unproductive post Big Nelly, the reason I'm asking here is because of the fact that I can't as my friends, and here I can ask anonymously, and people can answer anonymously. This will help me and anyone else thinking about getting a ring, what sort of money they can expect to have ready.

In relation to your childish comment about "a cheap ass" ring, the simple fact of the matter is that I can afford any 4 figure amount, and a few 5 figure amounts, however, she's made it clear that she would much prefer I keep that kinda money for a house.

As for how much you spent: good for you. You didn't have to make that statement, and you don't have to vote. :rolleyes:

NextSteps

Maybe another thing to consider - and which might be important to her - is the ethics, and the question of where the diamond comes from. My boyfriend gave me an antique ring, and I love the fact that it's been around a while, and there are no (recent!) guilty questions about where it came from. That meant more to me than whatever it cost, which I certainly wouldn't tell my friends.

As far as most people are concerned, price-wise, one ring looks much like another, I suspect.

Best of luck.

beertons

Why not pick a diamond, and design a ring around it? We went to Antwerp, and did just that. Our's finally arrived on Tuesday, got it apraised, and it's worth twice what we paid for it. Happy days.

Toots

Big Nelly wrote: »

Nobody should ever ask how much you paid for your ring, its ... bad luck.

I never knew that! Well that would be a good response to the friends if they start asking questions. Honestly though, nobody's ever asked me how much mine was. A lot of people have said things like 'it must have cost a fortune.' but actually for an engagement ring it wasn't that expensive at all. Less than a months wages. TBH, unless someone was fairly knowledgeable in the field, I'd say it'd be hard to guess what the ring cost.

onering

beertons wrote: »

Why not pick a diamond, and design a ring around it? We went to Antwerp, and did just that. Our's finally arrived on Tuesday, got it apraised, and it's worth twice what we paid for it. Happy days.

Thats actually something that crossed my mind, but I hadn't looked into it yet. Would you mind if I asked you a few questions about it? (not cost related)
Like: where did you go to in Antwerp?
Why you choose there as opposed to, say, New York?
How did you go about getting the ring made?
Did you make a drawing of what you had in mind and bring it to a jewlers?
Did you know a jewler to make the ring, or do they all offer that service?
etc.
Thanks

It's a great idea

beertons

http://www.philippe-harold-jewellers.be/links.htm

This is the guy we went to, recommended by a cousin of mine. I've heard alot of bad stories about going over to NY, I thought if there was a problem with the ring, Antwerp is closer if you have to bring it back. Antwerp is where they grade rings, so why not go to the source.

Loads of sketches were done, emails sent to Harold. Ther morning we met him, he closed his shop, and stayed with us for 2 hours talking and advising. We weren't put off by other customers walking around and asking questions. He didn't pressurise us into taking a bigger diamond.

Harold has a workshop, and melted the white gold into place. There was one princess cut, brilliant diamond on ours, and 123 little brilliant cut diamonds around it, and on the sides. The detail is unreal, and we have never seen anything like it before. PM me if you want and I'll send you the picture.

You'll save a fortune going to Antwerp. The jewellers of Dublin kinda bunched together, and refuse to value rings that aren't bought in Ireland. But I found a place that does, and she doesn't charge 1% of the value of the ring as a fee either!

tannytantans

I'd really suggest maybe proposing with a small cheap ring and then maybe the two of you going together to pick out the actual ring. Maybe even agree on a budget before you go. That way she can pick a ring that she loves.

My fiance did this for me and it was so exciting going to pick the ring. Only problem is we spent double what we had budgeted for :eek:. But it is a gorgeous ring!

Anyway no one has ever asked me how much my ring cost. I'd think it was very cheeky if they did. Some people have said it looks expensive but I just smile. No reason why your girlfriend should have to tell her friends.

Black Swan

UB wrote: »

Maybe another thing to consider - and which might be important to her - is the ethics,

Blood diamonds? I would prefer a gold band with an inscription on it uniquely from him. Four or five creative and passionate words he wrote about us (and not copied from a Hallmark moment or some dead poet).

kizzyr

beertons wrote: »

http://www.philippe-harold-jewellers.be/links.htm

This is the guy we went to, recommended by a cousin of mine. I've heard alot of bad stories about going over to NY, I thought if there was a problem with the ring, Antwerp is closer if you have to bring it back. Antwerp is where they grade rings, so why not go to the source.

Loads of sketches were done, emails sent to Harold. Ther morning we met him, he closed his shop, and stayed with us for 2 hours talking and advising. We weren't put off by other customers walking around and asking questions. He didn't pressurise us into taking a bigger diamond.

Harold has a workshop, and melted the white gold into place. There was one princess cut, brilliant diamond on ours, and 123 little brilliant cut diamonds around it, and on the sides. The detail is unreal, and we have never seen anything like it before. PM me if you want and I'll send you the picture.

You'll save a fortune going to Antwerp. The jewellers of Dublin kinda bunched together, and refuse to value rings that aren't bought in Ireland. But I found a place that does, and she doesn't charge 1% of the value of the ring as a fee either!

Bad stories like what?

onering

tannytantans wrote: »

I'd really suggest maybe proposing with a small cheap ring and then maybe the two of you going together to pick out the actual ring.

It's a good idea, but, unfortunatly, it won't work.

onering wrote:

...I know my OH wouldn't care if I produced a €10 euro ring. She's said as much many times. It's the sentiment, not the value, that appeals to her. So much so, she's suggested that a temporary ring, would be the valuable one to her (if produced); it'd be the "real" engagement ring. Knowing her as long as I do, I' know she's honest.

beertons

Bad stories,

Rings with cracks, and the crack filled with some compound that comes out a month later when you wash your hands or something like that.

Doctored certs. They claim that the ring is a different grade.

And finally, it's way too expensive over there.

Electric Sheep

Clareman wrote: »

They say a good rule of thumb is to pay 3 months salary on the ring, but that's usually outlined by the jewelers

I wouldn't marry anyone so easily deluded by advertising that they'd spend 3 months salary on a ring. If I were a man, I wouldn't marry a woman who expected that.:p

kizzyr

beertons wrote: »

Bad stories,

Rings with cracks, and the crack filled with some compound that comes out a month later when you wash your hands or something like that.

Doctored certs. They claim that the ring is a different grade.

And finally, it's way too expensive over there.

Where had these people purchased their rings? Was it from a reputable jeweller? You can be conned anywhere.

beertons

New York, supposidly reputable jewellers. I know you can be conned everywhere, just sharing what I've heard recently.

DangerMouse27

Hi all!
Im looking for some advice if you please.
First time around i spent over 1000 euro on the engagement ring(one she picked out and i went back and got and surprized her...romantic and all that!)

About a year later and we put the whole thing on hiatus.Now we are back together and im wondering what should i do? is there a standard thing guys do in this situation.
We have talked about this...kind of but obviously i dont want to surprize her with something new that she would feel devalues the old one.

She loves the old one so help!

kizzyr

beertons wrote: »

New York, supposidly reputable jewellers. I know you can be conned everywhere, just sharing what I've heard recently.

Thanks for that, wasn't trying to come off snotty or anything just wondered.

alphamale 1

Personally, i believe platiinum is supposed to be the most durable and the lower the letter the better ( the grading goes down to D which is the best)

My advice is buy in the sale here in eire. I saved € 1200 by doing so

bensoneb

DangerMouse27 wrote: »

Hi all!
Im looking for some advice if you please.
First time around i spent over 1000 euro on the engagement ring(one she picked out and i went back and got and surprized her...romantic and all that!)

About a year later and we put the whole thing on hiatus.Now we are back together and im wondering what should i do? is there a standard thing guys do in this situation.
We have talked about this...kind of but obviously i dont want to surprize her with something new that she would feel devalues the old one.

She loves the old one so help!

Why can't she just wear the old one? It is your engagement ring after all....

Waesfjord

bensoneb wrote: »

Why can't she just wear the old one? It is your engagement ring after all....

why not buy her some other piece to augment ring, or ask her to pick something out, least then keep the same ring, still celebrating your re-engagement (not spending a fortune again either)!!

alphamale 1

I agree. You would be mad to buy a new ring for the same girl

lilolilly

Got mine for 1,200 and I was delighted with it decided against some of the more expensive ones as they looked tacky!!

emma82

My fiancee made a huge deal out of proposal- rose petals, marry me, total surprise etc- to be honest thats all I see when I look at my ring! He gave me a token ring- €5 out of Claires Accessories to propose with and then we both chose the ring together! Not in claires accessories!!!!

I would bust him if he told me he'd saved 3 months salary (live together have mortgage etc) he spent €350 over his budget as thats all I would allow and the jewellers gave in when we said thats all we would pay!

You need to spend what your gf would approve of- my OH spent approx one months salary & it was more than enough- friend of mine has ring and made such a point of telling everyone it was online have a look etc etc- we did and it cost 10.5k- my thought- shes a tw*t for making her OH buy that- we know he took a loan out of credit union to do it- crazy!!!

The proposal itself is where the effort, thought etc should go in- not into how much you will or will not spend- Im engaged 6 weeks now & still love tellin my engagement story- and I know I always will! BTW no-one has asked me how much ring was- if they did I'd be as rude as they are by tellin them to f**k off!!!