Feeling not good enough for other half

LegacyUser

hey,

im going out with this fantastic girl for the last 5 months. We were friends for a couple of years before hand. she has this massive network of friends and family. Were as i have quite a small set of individual friends, not so much groups and a small family. she is always inviting me to events like parties, weddings etc... where as i have nothing going on. Im starting to get worried that she might get bored of me. also our familys are so different, my parents are seperated and there is no real closeness in my family were as her family would be a very close knit unit.

I just feel like i cannot meet her anyway close to half way. i get anxious at the thought of bringing her down to meet some of my family as mine are abit rough/common. i never have anything interesting or exciting going on, she constantly has things to go to or friends to meet for one thing or another.

I wish i didnt have these feelings but its starting to get at me. how can i feel good enough? i am a very good boyfriend to her, we get on well and we do like each other. we are in our mid 20s.

WeeBushy

Well you've been friends for a couple of years now as you say so she clearly knew you when you started going out. If she thought you "weren't good enough" for her she would never have started going out with you in the first place.

There is so much more to a person than how close they are with their family and how many friends they have etc. I would think she got involved with you for the person you are. You do come across as very considerate and nice guy so don't be hard on yourself.

She must think highly of you so be proud of who you are and what you have, because she is.

Tar.Aldarion

It's not up to you to think you are not good enough for her, it is for her to decide. She seems to think you are, no probs mate. Just try to be the best you can. She loves you, not you're friends, not your family, not your social events.

VaioCruiser

OP - I have to say that this really makes me wonder about your wider feelings toward women. Please don't think I am being smart arsed or indulging in some amateur psychoanalysis..... I am just musing on the subject.

Many guys like to be with a girl who is not quite as bright as we are. It may not be politically correct to say that - but most girls are aware of this. It's VERY VERY common. I have often felt that need from time to time and indulged it a few times. It allows guys to feel better about ourselves and to be admired and appreciated. For me I ultimately always enjoy being with really intelligent girls, even more so than me. It is very sexy for me.

So what I am getting at is this... that you may prefer to be with a girl who is not so intimidating. if this is the case, deep down, then there is very little you can do to change how you feel.

All the best.

Tar.Aldarion

VaioCruiser wrote: »

Many guys like to be with a girl who is not quite as bright as we are. It may not be politically correct to say that - but most girls are aware of this. It's VERY VERY common. I have often felt that need from time to time and indulged it a few times. It allows guys to feel better about ourselves and to be admired and appreciated. For me I ultimately always enjoy being with really intelligent girls, even more so than me. It is very sexy for me.

I think it's an odd view to hold, I couldn't go out with my girl if I didn't think she was smart. A very attractive feature she has. Suppose people are different!

Stheno

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

I think it's an odd view to hold, I couldn't go out with my girl if I didn't think she was smart. A very attractive feature she has. Suppose people are different!

Some studies amongst female MBA and medical students have shown the viewpoint expressed by the previous poster to be the case tbh.

Anyhoo back to the OT, to be honest OP lots of people from small families would be similiar to yourself, or people who are not close to their families and don't have masses of friends at all.

What you describe could happen to loads of couples depending on all sorts of factors, enjoy her being as fantastic as she is.

VaioCruiser

Tar.Aldarion wrote: »

I think it's an odd view to hold, I couldn't go out with my girl if I didn't think she was smart. A very attractive feature she has. Suppose people are different!

It may be odd - but it is very prevalent. Look around you at family, cousins, prominent people .... it really is very common.

cashback

I don't think the OP mentioned anything about being intimidated about her intelligence, more about the fact she has more going on socially.

OP I wouldn't worry about it really, she probably has enough parties/weddings on her side without having to attend lots on yours.
She may well find it a relief that things are more low key with you.

LegacyUser

OP, I think (and this is only my opinion) this is a case of "what does she see in me/why does she want to go out with me when she could do better", which is really common. You have to believe that she's with you because she wants to be, because she CHOOSES to be with YOU, not with some guy with a distinguished family/fancy job/flashy car etc. Even if you had all those things, as a person you wouldn't be the boyfriend that she wants, because you wouldn't be you.

My boyfriend often thinks things like that too, and to be honest it really does prevent him getting close to me. I'd have a huge extended family, and have weddings and different occasions very often. My dad is a businessman (albeit not a very highly paid one!) and his dad is a tradesman (runs a small business)- I think he compares our backgrounds a bit, but absolutely NONE of these things matter to me. In fact I'd HATE to be going out with sombody wrapped up in their careers/money/status. Besides, I have my doubts at times as to why he's with me, e.g. I'm not fun enough/good looking enough (I think he's waaaay better looing than me for example!!) So how do you know she doesn't have thoughts like you have at times??

Just after we first kissed my boyfriend was all worried about me being so much more "together" than he is, as if I wouldn't need him considering I had so much other stuff going on. I can tell you now, I wouldn't be without him, messed up and all as we are about us at times. Your girlfriend is lucky to have you, and no one is more aware of that than she is. Have some confidence, and some fun

LegacyUser

hi, op here.

thanks for the replies, alot of good opinion and advice there. one poster has said it right that deep down this is something i am going to find it hard to get over. I suppose if you compare say schooling she would have done far better than i did, but i would be successful enough career wise so im not so much intimidated by that it is more her social side im intimidated by. she really is an amazing girl, very popular with everyone.

I was never really in a popular social group, in school I pretty much kept my head down, left college with a handful of friends which i no longer keep in touch with. I had a very strict controlling father growing up so i never got to do what any of the other kids did in the area were i lived, i could never bring friends home to the house as my father didn't like it. I'm starting to hold some resentment for my father lately as I feel he placed some restrictions on my childhood growing up that are now starting to affect me! we don't talk properly anymore, not that we ever did as we don't really know each other. I also see how wonderful her parents are (more so her father) and then i look at my father and it upsets me that things have turned out this way. most of my extended family ( and ill probably be shot for saying this) are social welfare scroungers, no ambition. I feel like im on the outside of my family looking in, gets me down.


i can't believe i've just written all that. never thought i had those feelings!