Need your relationship advice

Dazzler88

i was going out with a girl 3 months ago and things were going really well.We got on the best and everything was rosy until one night she went to a party and ended up kissing the last fella she was with before me.The next day she came and told me what happned because she said she felt awful about it and didnt want to keep any secrets from me.I was so mad i told her i didnt want to go out anymore,she understood but told me that she didnt want to lose me but had to tell me.About a month later we ended up kissing and said we would give it another go,she promised that she never cheat again.The next few night we were out i use to get jealous anytime i seen her chattin other fellas(something that i never got jealous about before she cheated).I use to sulk about it even though she doesnt speak to the guy she cheated on me with.We kept fallin out everytime we were out so she said that if i couldnt trust her it wasnt goin to work,so we broke off again.Then around two weeks later we ended up kissing again and this time i asked her back out but she refused and said she only wanted to be friends anymore.Now weeks later she gets in touch and wants to get back together..What should i do???

omahaid

Sorry man, my opinion is once a cheater always a cheater and I think people that confess do so for themselves to feel better. Only heartache down this road I'm afraid, time to call it quits.

Dazzler88

sunflower27 wrote: »

she has done everything since to prove herself to you and you seem intent on punishing her.

i think you have a point,wat makes things worse was all her friends told her after the kiss dont tell him(me) but she did.The reason i took it so serious was because when we first started going out her ex kept trying to split us up.he use to always be telling her that i wasnt right for her.the last few weeks ive seen her with a different fella and it didnt bother me in the slightest so i think ive overcome the jealousy.i was never the jealous type in previous realtionships.

Colonel_McCoy

Think you need to walk away...........you dont seem to be able to trust her and it will only wreck your head if she goes out with her friends.

Sorry but move on

redfacedbear

If there is no trust there is no relationship. If you decide to get back with her you have to 100% let go of what has gone before. If you don't think you can do that don't waste your (or her) time.

LegacyUser

Colonel_McCoy wrote: »

Think you need to walk away...........you dont seem to be able to trust her and it will only wreck your head if she goes out with her friends.

i don't completely agree with this.sure i was a bit hard after the cheating happened but its very hard to trust someone after they have hurt you.Everyone is human.

Tar.Aldarion

Unregistered wrote: »

i don't completely agree with this.sure i was a bit hard after the cheating happened but its very hard to trust someone after they have hurt you.Everyone is human.

Yes they have to earn the trust back, it is just a matter of can they. If they can convince you that they are sincere then you should let it go.

LegacyUser

Look these things do happen and people do change. IF she has made a mistake and is sorry for it and is sure she will not do it again then give her asecond chance (if this is what you want).

If you decide to give her this second chance then you must wipe all memories of it from your mind and NEVER throw it at her in an argument or hold it against her.

If you both do the above then you can have a good relationship. If you don't/can't then you need to end it now.

Dazzler88

sunflower27 wrote: »

Yes, you were hurt but sulking and getting all jealous is not the way forward. It's a childish attempt to make her feel bad about what she did.

i didnt really make her feel bad,i just said that i needed to know she nver do that to me again and when i seen her out after we got back 2gether she would dance with all the lads she could find.when i look back now i think she was testing me and i failed.

Dazzler88

sunflower27 wrote: »

So what if she dances with lads... she's allowed to. She's not sleeping with them.

i def agree with that.ive learned from my mistakes and wouldnt do anyting to ruin it from here on in.Thanks for your advice and im now going to try and make things work for us..;)

VaioCruiser

Dazzler88 wrote: »

i was going out with a girl 3 months ago and things were going really well.We got on the best and everything was rosy until one night she went to a party and ended up kissing the last fella she was with before me.The next day she came and told me what happned because she said she felt awful about it and didnt want to keep any secrets from me.I was so mad i told her i didnt want to go out anymore,she understood but told me that she didnt want to lose me but had to tell me.About a month later we ended up kissing and said we would give it another go,she promised that she never cheat again.The next few night we were out i use to get jealous anytime i seen her chattin other fellas(something that i never got jealous about before she cheated).I use to sulk about it even though she doesnt speak to the guy she cheated on me with.We kept fallin out everytime we were out so she said that if i couldnt trust her it wasnt goin to work,so we broke off again.Then around two weeks later we ended up kissing again and this time i asked her back out but she refused and said she only wanted to be friends anymore.Now weeks later she gets in touch and wants to get back together..What should i do???

This is what happens when naive selfish people (like this gf) tell their partners things that should never have been told. Mayhem and emotional pain.

Learn this lesson if nothing else.

All the best.

Wibbs

VaioCruiser wrote: »

This is what happens when naive selfish people (like this gf) tell their partners things that should never have been told. Mayhem and emotional pain.

Or god forbid not do it in the first place. Keeping her tongue in her head in both cases is the best plan. If one is single and fancy free, or is into an open relationship and their partner is on board with that then play ball. If not, don't.

IMHO there are two people in this one. Now she kicked off with the ex snog and when she told him, he had two choices; scrape her off as this troubled him, or forgive her, learn and move on. If you say you trust someone then you either do or you don't. Getting all jealous and twitchy is pointless. Even if you forget the whole emotional maturity lark, it's pointless. 9 times outa 10 being twitchy and demonstrating lack of trust will actually cause them to cop off with someone else.

So this is still your choice. Make a decision and try to stick to it. Say no way jose and scrape her off, or actually work on it and leave the needy jealousy at the door. If you do go back completely open with her and non needy and she cops off with someone again well your answer would be clear. Bye bye.