If we'd no rose-tinted glasses, would we end it all now?

Eve_Dublin

I had an interesting conversation while I was travelling with a Swedish guy I met (over a shed load of beer on Paddy's Day afternoon) and we agreed that humans would probably end it all if we didn't have the ability to look back on negative past experiences and gloss them over through rose-tinted glasses.

I think most of us have bottled up the emotions we felt when we were dumped or bullied at school or shouted at by our parents and sometimes more serious experiences like sexual or drug abuse or being a victim of a violent relationship and what we felt during these times has become more trivial over time. We can't relate to emotions we felt back then, we might remember these times as "not being so bad" or perhaps we've unconsciously deleted these

This conversation came about when we talked about our experiences travelling alone (we both had for quite some time by ourselves...myself for over a year) and I waxed lyrical about what a great time I had, all the wonderful people I met blah blah but failed to mention the times when I felt incredibly lonely or when I was scared or when I was just plain bored. These times were more frequent than I'd even admit to myself and sometimes I might have felt down for weeks on end but my mind seems to have blotted them out when I look back now.

My sister asked me the other day if our dad used to hit us when we were bold as kids. I distinctly remember my father being quite gun-ho with the auld wooden spoon as a child but she seems to have "forgotten". She seems to have a totally different memory of growing up in the same home as me. Very strange....but interesting.


Is this a mechanism humans have mentally developed over time to deal with this and if we lacked the ability to adorn these rose-tinted glasses to see our lives in this way, would we end it all now?

Affable

Hmm. Some people have an ability to focus on the positive. It comes more when times are worse..we can focus on negativity when we feel ok, it's a luxury. Life has taught me this. I don't think we would all end it at all, I have a much more happy view of life than that.

Eve_Dublin

Affable wrote: »

Hmm. Some people have an ability to focus on the positive. It comes more when times are worse..we can focus on negativity when we feel ok, it's a luxury. Life has taught me this. I don't think we would all end it at all, I have a much more happy view of life than that.

Do you think it's that simple though? That my sister is more optimistic than me and that's why she completely failed to remember my dad walloping her with the wooden spoon as a child? I didn't get hit as much as I was younger. It seems like the only person who doesn't remember in the family (I'm from a large family) is my sister. She'd also be the most sensitive and also the closest to my dad. I wouldn't say she was the most positive, optimistic of us all though.

I've other examples...friends who were bullied at school but claim they weren't (even though I was there when they were getting the crap beaten out of them)...loads more but probably shouldn't stick them on here. It's as if people are capable of just deleting memories from their mind to save their sanity...or at least pretend to. I don't think this is a pessimistic outlook...I'd say I'm an absolute optimist, love my life but I know for a fact I've deleted chunks of my life that I'd rather not remember. Of course this is a positive ability...I'm just wondering if all the emotions we felt in the past were as fresh today as they were in the past, how would we be now?

Perhaps suggesting most of us would end our lives is going too far...but maybe for some, it's not. I don't know what I'm trying to say, really. Do we fool ourselves about the past to save our sanity? Do we rewrite history to some extent?

Zombrex

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Is this a mechanism humans have mentally developed over time to deal with this and if we lacked the ability to adorn these rose-tinted glasses to see our lives in this way, would we end it all now?

Why would we end it all? Do you think being dead would be better?

Affable

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Do you think it's that simple though? That my sister is more optimistic than me and that's why she completely failed to remember my dad walloping her with the wooden spoon as a child? I didn't get hit as much as I was younger. It seems like the only person who doesn't remember in the family (I'm from a large family) is my sister. She'd also be the most sensitive and also the closest to my dad. I wouldn't say she was the most positive, optimistic of us all though.

I've other examples...friends who were bullied at school but claim they weren't (even though I was there when they were getting the crap beaten out of them)...loads more but probably shouldn't stick them on here. It's as if people are capable of just deleting memories from their mind to save their sanity...or at least pretend to. I don't think this is a pessimistic outlook...I'd say I'm an absolute optimist, love my life but I know for a fact I've deleted chunks of my life that I'd rather not remember. Of course this is a positive ability...I'm just wondering if all the emotions we felt in the past were as fresh today as they were in the past, how would we be now?

Perhaps suggesting most of us would end our lives is going too far...but maybe for some, it's not. I don't know what I'm trying to say, really. Do we fool ourselves about the past to save our sanity? Do we rewrite history to some extent?

Ah, I see. Well, I think we need to block out and remove focus from pain to help us get on with our lives, and people who are sensitive like your sis, want stuff to treasure and realise life is short I guess, and so are more inclined to block out than focus on vengeance or greif or whatever, sometimes anger/vengeance/pain can drive us and keep our competitive fire going, but it's rarely conducive to happiness tbh.

Don't know if that goes anyway to answering it.

Eve_Dublin

Wicknight wrote: »

Why would we end it all? Do you think being dead would be better?

No, of course not. Not sure what part of my post says this.

Banter Joe

I don't really think it's a case of having rose-tinted glasses or blocking things out. I'm sure this happens but I'd imagine most people simply move past these events and can let them go.

The emotions concerning a certain event are going to be strongest around the time of that particular event. It's not just bad emotions but good ones too. Imagine the happiest you ever felt in your life, you probably can't feel that right now no matter how hard you try, same as with the time you felt at your lonliest, most depressed etc.

Not that there aren't exceptions, but if we kept having to feel the same intensity of emotions concerning a certain event years after it happened, I think it would drive you a bit crazy. Just my opinion anyway

Eve_Dublin

Affable wrote: »

Ah, I see. Well, I think we need to block out and remove focus from pain to help us get on with our lives, and people who are sensitive like your sis, want stuff to treasure and realise life is short I guess, and so are more inclined to block out than focus on vengeance or greif or whatever, sometimes anger/vengeance/pain can drive us and keep our competitive fire going, but it's rarely conducive to happiness tbh.

Don't know if that goes anyway to answering it.

Yeah, I suppose it's that simple. I understand why she's done this but it gave me the creeps a wee bit..it was a case of, "So you DON'T remember the dreaded wooden spoon at ALL?" and her response was a simple "no". Very odd.... just find it fascinating that humans have the ability to do this and I would agree that's it's essential. Humans who look back on bad experiences and can't remember all the details and particularly the most grim parts..this comes up a lot in criminal cases in court.

Interesting stuff, the human mind!

Eve_Dublin

Banter Joe wrote: »

I don't really think it's a case of having rose-tinted glasses or blocking things out. I'm sure this happens but I'd imagine most people simply move past these events and can let them go.

The emotions concerning a certain event are going to be strongest around the time of that particular event. It's not just bad emotions but good ones too. Imagine the happiest you ever felt in your life, you probably can't feel that right now no matter how hard you try, same as with the time you felt at your lonliest, most depressed etc.

Not that there aren't exceptions, but if we kept having to feel the same intensity of emotions concerning a certain event years after it happened, I think it would drive you a bit crazy. Just my opinion anyway

Yeah...very good points. Hmmm....

Húrin

To end it all we would need a faculty that blocks memories of the positive experiences. I think Swedish guy was trying to be dramatic.

Eve_Dublin

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Is this a mechanism humans have mentally developed over time to deal with this ...?

Absolutely. I think Freud analysed and categorised levels of self-defence mechanisms ranging for normal to psychotic.

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

if we lacked the ability to adorn these rose-tinted glasses to see our lives in this way, would we end it all now?

Quite possibly. At the very least I've always felt that if women didn't have the ability to forget the pain of child birth, the population would dwindle rapidly

CathyMoran

My life has been colourful but I try and grab the good times whenever I can and not to focus on the bad...I do not think that it is "rose-tinted glasses", more trying to make the most out of life...at the moment I am on the net, my husband is sitting beside me and I am looking forward to food - not exciting but I am enjoying it, sometimes the good times are simple moments but you have to have seen the rough times to appreciate them.

I can still recall a lot of the bad times but I try not to dwell on them...I know that I will have bad times again but at the moment I am happy.

Eve_Dublin

Húrin wrote: »

To end it all we would need a faculty that blocks memories of the positive experiences. I think Swedish guy was trying to be dramatic.

Indeed. Another good point.

Eve_Dublin

CathyMoran wrote: »

My life has been colourful but I try and grab the good times whenever I can and not to focus on the bad...I do not think that it is "rose-tinted glasses", more trying to make the most out of life...at the moment I am on the net, my husband is sitting beside me and I am looking forward to food - not exciting but I am enjoying it, sometimes the good times are simple moments but you have to have seen the rough times to appreciate them.

I can still recall a lot of the bad times but I try not to dwell on them...I know that I will have bad times again but at the moment I am happy.

Yep, seize the day and find pleasure in the simplest things. I'd be the same as yourself...and optimist but "sometimes bad things happen to good people"...things you don't have control over. I'm just interested on the not dwelling on the bad times to the point that they've completely eliminated them from their memory. I've seen and heard cases of this in reality. Very interesting.

Eve_Dublin

Deleted User wrote: »

Absolutely. I think Freud analysed and categorised levels of self-defence mechanisms ranging for normal to psychotic.



Quite possibly. At the very least I've always felt that if women didn't have the ability to forget the pain of child birth, the population would dwindle rapidly

Hmmm....do you know where I could read up on this, Jackie or what kinds of key words I'd google to find info?? Thanks.

CathyMoran

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Yep, seize the day and find pleasure in the simplest things. I'd be the same as yourself...and optimist but "sometimes bad things happen to good people"...things you don't have control over. I'm just interested on the not dwelling on the bad times to the point that they've completely eliminated them from their memory. I've seen and heard cases of this in reality. Very interesting.

I have actually been in that situation where bad memories were eliminated from memory - I had chemo from October to December 2006, it was one week on, 3 weeks off - my week would start fine and then would get to me vomitting all the time - I do not remember much of that time at all, certainly not the end of the week, sure I was anti-nausea tablets but I was awake for most of it...my husband is glad that I do not remember it (as he is still haunted by it) but it does feel strange to have large chunks of memory gone.

I do know that "bad things happen to good people", the reverse is true...bad things are uncontrolable but you have to find bright spots even in the darkness...

Eve_Dublin

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

Hmmm....do you know where I could read up on this, Jackie or what kinds of key words I'd google to find info?? Thanks.

Freud(ian) ... defence ... mechanism(s) - should work Eve. The first article you'll get is the Wiki entry which summarises the theory but should probably read in conjunction with other analyses, I'm told Wiki isn't always reliable. And this is just one point of view but which makes sense to me, particularly in the context of your question.

Cheers.

Porkpie

I don't think we tend to look at past negative experiences with rose tinted glasses as such, rather we simply view them as being in the past and realise that that's where they belong, that they are not very relevant to us now. I lived abroad too, and there were really lonely times but there were also great times. I can recall vividly some really bad past experiences and if I really wanted I could dwell on them constantly. I don't gloss them over in any way, I guess I just view them as being part of the ups and downs of life. I can view them more objectively now and learn from them. Our minds let go of past memories in order to prioritise more on the present and future. If we didn't, imagine how much junk we'd have in our brains. We'd go mad!

Zombrex

Eve_Dublin wrote: »

No, of course not. Not sure what part of my post says this.

Ok, so why would we end it?

Eve_Dublin

Wicknight wrote: »

Ok, so why would we end it?

Go back and read the thread...