What to do next...

LegacyUser

I posted up a thread a couple of weeks ago about my breakup with my ex girlfriend
http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php?t=2055581708&page=3&highlight=mistake
and things haven't being going well for me since. Sorry for posting up another thread on this but im all over the place with confusion.

Firstly I got rid of the small circle of (so called) friends I had after I confronted certain individuals about the stories being told, why the lies and why (one of them) was calling her behind my back and telling her stuff that was completely untrue. I called him and had it out on the phone. I was told to 'f••k off' and he hung up. Speculation says he was either trying to move me outta the way to create a chance for himself or he's just being an 'aul one' and likes to spread rumors of which there is a history from what ive learnt in the last few days.

I have not being feeling any better since the break up and all the things that happened around it. Never been in a 5 year relationship before and at 31 years old, the breakup has taken a lot out of me and I feel so alone, nothing to look forward to and so old for some reason. My emotions are very much up and down. One minute Im (sort of) OK, and then the next I feel my breathing getting out of control, getting very upset and wanting to throw in the towel. I miss her so much, we were perfect for each other. I feel worthless. Ive nobody to call on and no friends to go out with. Im just completely messed up. When i go out for a walk, i throw on the baseball cap to hide my eyes and look to the ground.

So, i decided to see a councillor two days per week which is helping to some degree. Being able to talk to someone who doesnt know you personally is very difficult for me. Never had the confidence to talk socially in the past but i guess just the interaction with another human being is priceless at this point considering the initial appointment is there to actually talk and get things out. Will see how it goes.....

I did have a conversation with my ex a couple of days ago. This went on for nearly 9 hours. MIxed emotions for us both, both talking about the times we had - joking and laughing, not letting each other hang up. Sun was up, the birds were out and people were beginning to get up when i got off the phone. I felt drunk i was so tired, but felt i could have talked forever, but her battery died. I had the first hours of proper sleep in ages. Didnt know what to take from the conversation but i told her how i felt and wanted to be with her for the rest of my life.

......then two days later i get a text from her telling me she couldnt cope and not to call her again. I went white as a ghost and felt physically sick. Still do when i think of this. Im completely lost in all this. Think I should look into selling up my place and moving away from everything. Nothing here for me anymore and want to start a new life but dont know what to make of anything.

Moomoo1

well, yeah, she's naturally afraid that she'll be sucked back into the relationship with the person who 'betrayed' her. I personally don't like that in people, putting pride before love.

I'd still call, maybe in a week's time: yeah, she told you not to call, but people's moods change, and she might be happy to hear from you (if you talked for 9 hours there's a good chance of that). The worst thing that can happen is that she'll tell you to go screw yourself....