A Strange Situation..

LegacyUser

Hey all, going unreg. for this. So basically I’m a 21 year old female and in a bit of a strange situation. Excuse the long and rambling post please.

I am currently working in a small town in Japan, and I and an American guy are the only two foreigners in town. He is roughly my age and we met at the company training in March of this year. We ended up in the same tiny backwater and have been keeping each other company in a friendly way for the past few months.

Now, my contract here is due to end in 3 weeks time and I will then leave Japan entirely, so the likelihood of me ever seeing this guy again is slim to none. We have had long conversations on drunken Saturday nights about previous relationships, sex, everything. We’ve been to dinner lots of times and gone sightseeing and we generally get on quite well.

My problem is, as yet I have still not done the deed, not due to being a prude or looking for a ‘perfect’ first time or anything, simply because I have never met a guy I trusted enough to go the whole way with. So, this guy is pretty cute and I do fancy him, is this good opportunity to get the first time thing out of the way? Bearing in mind that I probably will never see him again and no-one I know will judge me. I’m pretty sure he fancies me, but is there any way to be certain and to initiate a sexual thing after so many months in the ‘friend zone?’
I’m not great at making a move either so any suggestions are appreciated.

PirateShampoo

If it feels right then go for it. Enjoy.

drunkmonkey

show some clevage and smiles he'll soon figure out what's on your mind..

just make sure he wears a helmet, you never know where he could have been on the drunken friday nights...

as op said enjoy!! Remember the 3rd times the charm, not the first;)

Das Kitty

OK, a couple of things,

Why do you feel you would be judged for having sex? You say you want to do it where no one knows you so you won't be judged.

You say you've never met a guy you trusted enough, including this guy. To be honest for a first timer trust is everything, regardless of whether you're going to see them again. The first time can be painful and bloody, do you really want to share all that with someone you don't trust?

Is it really a good idea to have sex with someone who you can't contact down the line? Even with the best will in the world accidents can happen, you may need to contact this guy for a number of reasons.

One of the worst reasons for having sex for the first time is "to get it out of the way". Just because you've done it once won't make it any less nerve-wracking with the next guy.

faceman

First of all, there is nothing strange about your situation at all. Dont feel there is.

OP, a persons sexual life is completely their business and no one elses. How and whether people judge you is completely irrelevent.

If you have personal views about how you want treat sexual encounters then there is no reason for you to feel under any obligation to have to change your views for the sake of it.

If however you do want to go ahead with getting it on with him, there isnt really a hard and fast rule. The girls can advise you better i suppose!

No matter what you chose, just remember to be careful and all that.

wexford202

I would go for it with him but for the love of god please don't do it for the first time on your last night as the first time is not incredibily pleasant. Well it wasn't for me anyway!

Once you do it once the fear of how to etc and what it is meant to be like will go away and you will have a great time.

Be careful, Do use protection.

You will have a great time as you will have loads of passion because you are leaving.

LegacyUser

Yeah, OP here again. I definately respect everything you guys have said, good advice by the way, thanks. I should clarify a few things though.

I personally couldn't give a flying sh*te what people think about me or my sex life, I probably phrased it badly. I mean, more the grilling girlfriends tend to give you if and when they find out, looking for the gorey details etc. I'm a pretty private person, so I'd like to savour the experience without the 'good natured' nosiness that comes from doing it with someone your friends know.

Secondly I don't mean that it's a nasty experience that I want to get over and done with, more that I feel I'm finally ready, I'm mature enough and have had enough encounters with guys to know that I could do a lot worse than this one. He's a smart, funny, genuine guy, that has put no pressure on me whatsoever, (even though I probably want him to!). Also, a majorly hot body and he treats me with respect. Protection by the way, is a no brainer here!

I think it's just time that I jump that final hurdle and just do it, and this is a guy I'm really comfortable with. My major problem really is how to shift the relationship up a gear, I mean how do I approach the situation, I'm not the type of girl that can just come out with the likes of 'Fancy a shag?'
So how to go about it really is what I'm asking..

ManOfMystery

Unregistered21 wrote: »

Yeah, OP here again. I definately respect everything you guys have said, good advice by the way, thanks. I should clarify a few things though.

I personally couldn't give a flying sh*te what people think about me or my sex life, I probably phrased it badly. I mean, more the grilling girlfriends tend to give you if and when they find out, looking for the gorey details etc. I'm a pretty private person, so I'd like to savour the experience without the 'good natured' nosiness that comes from doing it with someone your friends know.

Secondly I don't mean that it's a nasty experience that I want to get over and done with, more that I feel I'm finally ready, I'm mature enough and have had enough encounters with guys to know that I could do a lot worse than this one. He's a smart, funny, genuine guy, that has put no pressure on me whatsoever, (even though I probably want him to!). Also, a majorly hot body and he treats me with respect. Protection by the way, is a no brainer here!

I think it's just time that I jump that final hurdle and just do it, and this is a guy I'm really comfortable with. My major problem really is how to shift the relationship up a gear, I mean how do I approach the situation, I'm not the type of girl that can just come out with the likes of 'Fancy a shag?'
So how to go about it really is what I'm asking..

Well if you both meet up regularly for dinner/drinks/etc it won't be difficult to end up sitting closer together, move in for a snog and see how things go!

LegacyUser

Hmmm, I should add, also that he lives in the same apartment building, so contact is not an issue. Maybe what I'm worried about is that we are too far into the friend zone now and it might be awkward..

Miss Fluff

Sounds like a good idea and if you feel the time is now right I think it's great that you've spent a bit of time getting to know the guy so you like him and trust him.

Don't leave it until your last night. In for a penny, in for a pound and all that, why don't you enjoy the next couple of weeks practicing? Why not initiate it when you next have dinner. Don't get too rat-arsed, keep yourself protected and go forth and prosper young lady:)

Das Kitty

In that case OP, go for it.

There's no sure fire way of letting a guy know you want to have sex with him short of telling him.

I had to be practically naked infront of my OH before the penny dropped!

Good luck with it!

I_am_Jebus

Normally, I would say the guy needs to have his head screwed on about providing condoms etc..

but in this case, op I think you should get yourself out there and pick up a packet or 5 of condoms.

The two of you have been seeing each other/enjoying each other's company for some time and the issue of sex (as in, with each other) hasn't arisen. So he most likley wont be expecting the move when you make it and he, therefore, probably won't be prepared.

If YOU don't have the condom base covered before the move, you may end up disappointed. But whatever happens, make sure you use them (properly). And if for some reason, neither of you have any the first time, enjoy each other in a hands on (and maybe tongue ) way to get used to being intimate with each other. Then next time, make sure you've got the protection. But if that happens, don't get caught up in the heat of passion and "chance" it.

Be Safe, be well and just have a good fricking time.

Moomoo1

I really don't know. On the one hand, temptations are there to be yielded to :-).

On the other, appealing as it may sound, doing it with someone you genuinly love and plan on being for a long time feels a lot better than with someone you have just met briefly and will probably not meet again. Also, whatever feelings you have for him are likely to magnify many-fold once it gets intimate, and then it would be a massive wrench to have to leave in the middle of the good times.

My wife had once told me how great it was that her first time was with me and not with some random guy. But you may be different in that respect.

As for how to initiate contact, there's always the good old fashioned 'hold hands then kiss' routine... just make sure you are sitting close.

LegacyUser

OP here, I think you're all pretty on the ball on this one. I'll be honest, I don't have very high expectations for the first time, from what girlfriends have said it isn't usually comfortable or that much fun, so really I won't exactly be crushed if it's underwhelming. What I feel is that this not having had sex thing is standing in the way of me having a proper relationship with someone due to the apprehension factor so I think at this point this would remove the fear factor and clear the way for bigger and better things when I get home. But how can I be sure of his response? Can any of the guys help me out on this one?

I_am_Jebus

No one here can be sure of his response. Actually, if you take yourself out of the situation and look at it from outside direct emotional involvement, YOU are actually the person who can tell best. You two spend a lot of time together and I am sure you share common ground on interests etc... Most guys in that kind of a situation will jump at he chance for some between the sheets action (not everyone, suppose you can't generalise). Dress up a little bit too (not saying you don't already). Maybe wear some more revealing clothes (nothing too slutty) or more figure hugging clothes... importantly, show your sexy self - so that when he looks at you he wants you, a sexy girl plus confidence in herself = super sexy.

But really you just gotta release the fear of rejection. The best approach you can take is just go out on a night out as normal like you have been doing with him and up the levels of flirting and let things develop naturally. He may stop you at a certain point of he doesn't want it and at least if it gradually builds up you are not throwing everything out there to be rejected.

Obviously, I know neither of you, but I would be surprised if you get shot down. Beat the fear and enjoy...

LegacyUser

OP here, thanks for all the advice guys. I'm dithering partly because of fear of the unknown and partly because he seems interested but isn't making any moves. I know you're all going to say, well you make the move then, but I have never yet given a guy the come on and it's kind of unchartered waters. I have to say, guys deserve kudos for having the balls to do this on a regular basis!

themacdaddy

Hi Op,
He may well be feeling the very same as you but like you may be too shy to say. Not all guys are full of confidence and very good at this thing. You do seem that you want this to happen so why not go for it. You might regret it if you let it pass by. I suggest the next time ye go out to dinner be a bit flirty and see does he respond...simple things like "oh you look great" .."your such a great guy..i am really glad i met you" etc etc... and see how he responds. Maybe if things are going well give him a kiss goodnight after...on the cheek even and see how he reacts. It is plausible he feels the exact same way. And no harm if he doesn't. I really do feel you will regret it if you don't give it a try...All the best

LegacyUser

Hi all, OP here again. Well the tension is mounting. It's 10 on Friday night here and he has just left my apartment.

I knew he would call tonight and so made an extra effort, you know, hair, makeup etc. We watched a movie and all the while I could feel him glancing my way every now and then. He commented on the fact that I looked different, 'Are you going out? You look made up?' Don't know if this was positive or not to be honest but he was quieter than usual and kept touching my arm while we chatted.

I feel he was building up to make a move but bottled it. Is there anything I could do now that would move things on? I was thinking about sending a text like 'You were very quiet tonight is there something wrong?'

What do you guys think of the situation?

Miss Fluff

Was there any drink involved? I'm not suggesting you both get sh1t-faced but sharing a bottle of wine between you may just oil the wheels as it were;)

Invite him around for another movie tomorrow night, crack open the wine, maybe lean your head on his shoulder while watching it OR even better get an absolutely terrifying film where you'll be forced to hold on to him every time it gets too scary, i.e. nestle your head in his chest when it gets too much etc;)

The fact he is touching you when talking to you is a good sign, you just need to step it up a gear now. Not so sure about sending a text like that, I'd try and arrange to see him again instead.