need advice

LegacyUser

just posting this to get ye're advice, was looking at some of the other threads and was impressed with the quality of the responses so said id try get your advice on this issue.

im 24 and have been in a relationship with my gf for nearly 2 years,things were going great up until xmas when we started fighting and arguing a lot,we decided in jan to go on a break to give each other some space,we stayed in contact through out the break, txting and ringing each other (we told each other that we missed each other and that we still loved each other) and meeting up for coffee the odd time, at end of march we decided to get back together to give us another chance, things were going great until a mutual friend told me what she'd been up to while we were on a break,i found out that while on the break (while she was ringing me telling me she loved me) she was meeting up with a male friend of hers (who is engaged) to have sex, when i confronted her about it she denied everything at the start but eventually owned up, she told me that it happened 4 times over a 6 week period,and that twice she had to get the morning after pill because of it!

I was so upset when i heard the full story, I know we were on a break but im still so pissed off about it, i keep wondering how she could do something like that all the while she was ringing me telling me she loved me and wanting us to meet up for chats, im upset that she showed both herself and me such disrespect by having unprotected sex with some guy who was basically using her as a f**K Buddy, she said it meant nothing and that she only wanted some fun and company while we were not together and that it is none of my business,a part of me realises that i shouldnt be mad but its always on my mind, whenever i think about what she did it makes me so upset that she could do something like that, apologies for the lengthy post, your advice is much appreciated

ManOfMystery

I love this 'on a break' line that so many people use.

If you have a completely clean breakup, with no intention of getting back together, then I say it's fair to go out and shag whoever you want. After all, you're completely single with no ties. And if you end up getting back together with your original partner and sorting out your issues, that's fair enough - it was an unplanned reunion.

However, so many couples - like yourselves - go on what I call a temporary break; that is, basically just some time apart to sort out your issues, during which time you're still in touch, still thinking about each other, maybe professing love for each other, etc. There is every hope of a reunion. So why go out and shag someone else? Technically you're both single but it's obvious there's a lot of emotional investment on both sides and someone who can do that and feel their partner should have no opinion or feelings on it must think like a robot.

Your girl sounds like a player, or someone who just wants to have some fun at the moment - doesn't sound to me like someone who wants to be in a committed relationship. Asides from the dubious moral choice of sleeping with a guy she knows is engaged, it was a complete act of disrespect to you when you're making an effort to keep in touch with her and still telling her you love her, and vice versa. If I broke up with my girl tomorrow but thought we had any chance of getting back together, I certainly wouldn't want to fill in time or muddy the waters by suddenly going out and jumping into bed with some other girl - my energies would be better invested in fixing my relationship.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

(while she was ringing me telling me she loved me) she was meeting up with a male friend of hers (who is engaged) to have sex

when i confronted her about it she denied everything at the start but eventually owned up,

she told me that it happened 4 times over a 6 week period,and that twice she had to get the morning after pill because of it!

You can't love someone and be banging someone else

She lied to you

She wanted this guy so much she had unprotected sex with him

Advise, move on

wexford202

Look she probably doesn't love you and seems like a bit of a slag to be honest.

If she could jump straight into bed with another guy who is engaged just because she was missing company she a bit stupid. We all like the bedroom action but 6 weeks without any is hardly torture.

I'd stay well away from her. I guarantee you she will continue to sleep with this engaged guy and trust me people like that really have no morals.

Forget about her quick and move on swiftly.

LegacyUser

I think you are all being a bit harsh and a bit unrealistic here.

I dont think you can call her a slag. She was obviously going through alot of emotions on the break. They still love eachother. I think alot of people have it in them to sleep with someone besides their OH when on a break. She could still be upset about it, feel bad afterwards, be confused. Feel neglected as her OH wanted a break. Or perhaps she did. She is only 24!Some people are a bit wilder than others, or can do these things and it doesnt meant they are a bad person, or that they would cheat.

I do however think the whole being with an engaged person is wrong...But thats more his fault.

LegacyUser

hi its guy who posted thread, thanks for your advice so far, I appreciate all your advice, I know it sounds like what she did is really distrustful,when i talked it over with my friends they said the same thing that you guys were saying i.e that she is likely to do it again etc.. when i told her i was uncomfortable about the whole situation she said that she never planned for it to happen, that she brought it up repeatedly with the guy that he had a partner, she said that he wasnt too bothered about it so she thought "f**K it im not the one engaged" I told her that if she was capable of sleeping with someone who has a partner then she is capable of cheating on me when i said this she got very insulted saying she didnt cheat on me and would never cheat on me etc...

about the whole unprotected sex thing: she said that she had to get the morning after pill twice because she was very drunk when it happened and couldnt remember if protection was used she said after those two drunken times the guy she was with told her condoms were used but she got the pill anyways because she was worried about the condoms breaking, when i heard this i started laughing telling her shes making it up to try and cover up the fact she had unprotected sex with him, I told her I thought she was lying, that the story sounds implausible but she became very upset swearing to me that it was the truth, i dont know what to believe!

wexford202

She is 24 a grown woman. I am 25 and was married to my boyfriend at 24.

It is the guys falt who is engaged too but the fact that she knew and it was just sex is not a great excuse to tear apart another relationship.

Could she not have found a single guy if she was just lookin for sex.

I'm sorry but she is a dirty minx and I bet there will be more skeletons in that closet for sure

ManOfMystery

Unregistered wrote: »

hi its guy who posted thread, thanks for your advice so far, I appreciate all your advice, I know it sounds like what she did is really distrustful,when i talked it over with my friends they said the same thing that you guys were saying i.e that she is likely to do it again etc.. when i told her i was uncomfortable about the whole situation she said that she never planned for it to happen, that she brought it up repeatedly with the guy that he had a partner, she said that he wasnt too bothered about it so she thought "f**K it im not the one engaged" I told her that if she was capable of sleeping with someone who has a partner then she is capable of cheating on me when i said this she got very insulted saying she didnt cheat on me and would never cheat on me etc...

about the whole unprotected sex thing: she said that she had to get the morning after pill twice because she was very drunk when it happened and couldnt remember if protection was used she said after those two drunken times the guy she was with told her condoms were used but she got the pill anyways because she was worried about the condoms breaking, when i heard this i started laughing telling her shes making it up to try and cover up the fact she had unprotected sex with him, I told her I thought she was lying, that the story sounds implausible but she became very upset swearing to me that it was the truth, i dont know what to believe!

Did you and her use condoms when you slept together? Did she run off for the morning after pill then too? I thought females were only allowed to take it a small number of times in their lifetime as it's dangerous.

I agree with you, sounds like an implausible excuse to me TBH

LegacyUser

ManOfMystery wrote: »

Did you and her use condoms when you slept together? Did she run off for the morning after pill then too? I thought females were only allowed to take it a small number of times in their lifetime as it's dangerous.

I agree with you, sounds like an implausible excuse to me TBH

we used condoms at the start of our relationship,and she claims that she was worried after the 1st couple of times; getting pregnancy tests, counting down the days to period, but didnt get morning after pill. after a couple of months she went on the oral contraceptive pill and we stopped using condoms, there was 1 or 2 times that she had to get the morning after pill, i.e she forgot to take normal pill/ or we had sex while she was on antibiotics which neutralises the efficacy of the pill. A part of me realises that her explanation is doubtful but she is naturally a nervous/worrier kind of person

My older sister is a doctor and she says that apart from encouraging risky sexual behaviour the morning after pill isnt dangerous to a womans health

~me~

Unregistered wrote: »

we used condoms at the start of our relationship,and she claims that she was worried after the 1st couple of times; getting pregnancy tests, counting down the days to period, but didnt get morning after pill. after a couple of months she went on the oral contraceptive pill and we stopped using condoms, there was 1 or 2 times that she had to get the morning after pill, i.e she forgot to take normal pill/ or we had sex while she was on antibiotics which neutralises the efficacy of the pill. A part of me realises that her explanation is doubtful but she is naturally a nervous/worrier kind of person

My older sister is a doctor and she says that apart from encouraging risky sexual behaviour the morning after pill isnt dangerous to a womans health

thats real risky though, using the MAP so often. and you know that it doesnt always work?
leave her. if she did it once with this guy it was a mistake, if she did it multiple times she just didnt care, if she didnt care about that mans commitment to his fiancee what makes you think she'll respect hers to you?? you've every right to be annoyed. if she denied it at first she knew it was wrong. the fact she tried tolie about it at all means you cant trust her.