Am I being unreasonable?

LegacyUser

I've been fighting a lot lately with my girlfriend of 5 years. We're both 22 and have lived together for 3 years. She's been unemployed for the past 18 months. Increasingly lately she's been going out loads without me. I usually can't go due to having work early the next morning and I'm generally exhausted quite a bit. Now this I don't mind. But the problem is that now when she goes out she always goes back to someone elses house and stays there, generally surrounded by all males. I trust her, and them as they're friends, but it still upsets me for some reason. She never texts to say where she is, so I usually wake during the night freaked out cause I don't know where she is. She'll then get home while I'm at work and be tired and falling asleep all evening when I'm home. She'll still be recovering from tiredness on my days off, and either won't do anything with me or will want to do something including these other guys.She has also been texting a few of these lads non stop for the last few days. She's never done either of these things before and I tell her it upsets me but don't know why. She then accuses me of not trusting her, and trying to stop her having friends.

Am I being unreasonable by being annoyed by all this? What should I do?

tanyaog2007

shes been going out not letting u know if she is ok and not even comin home and then textn lads . id be havin words with her . if it was the other way round im sure she wud have somthing to say

IRISH RAIL

perhaps a taste of her own medicine is in order op
it looks like she could be tired of the relationship id be making or breaking now.
btw if shes not working and lives with you how can she afford to go out?? does she not contribute to the bills etc?

wexford202

How does this girl afford to go out so much?

Also she isn't a child she is in a committed relationship (or meant to be) and it is not on staying away every weekend. She should look forward to coming home to you after a night out.

I'd be laying the cards on the table my friend and saying to her to sort erself out. Get a job and although she may be bored when not working she needs to know that when you are working your ass off that you do not need the worry of her staying out all night with males. Although they are firends it is still not on esp when there is drink involved.

LegacyUser

OP here. Sorry to drag this up again but I have an update. We decided that we'd live apart for a bit so we could learn to appreciate each other more, and not take each other for granted. Within 7 days of me moving out I found out she slept with the guy she was always texting. This tore me apart, as prior to this we had been the other's only sexual partner. Yet she didn't respect herself or me and just jumped into bed with this guy. She reckons it doesn't matter as "we were on a break"(cliche). This was news to me, as we both said we were still together, just not living together. This was a few weeks ago, the first 2 or 3 weeks were horrible but I'm slowly getting over it.
She said she still wants to be with me once she's gotten all of this out of her system, but won't promise not to sleep with him or anyone else again. I've told her I won't wait till she's done, if this is how she wants to live her life then I'm gone. I'm not gonna be her safety net.

davyjose

jesus dude, that's horrible.

She sounds like a right piece of work tbh. Not promising she won't sleep with him, and expecting you to maybe get back with her?


Look, this relationship is dead. plain and simple. you need to accept that - face up to that. When you have, it'll be a helluva lot easier to face up to. by going back to her - or even considering it, is leaving the door open to a universe of heartache.

Best of luck chief.

Shin Bet

i really feel for you op
she is one nasty piece of work youre better off without.
it sounds like there was something going on for a while there with the other guy.
my advice get rid of all her stuff out of your house and enjoy the single life for a while.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

That sounds truly awful. However how you're dealing with it is the right way (in my opinion anyway)

Honestly, who the hell does she think she is?? She can't promise she wont sleep with anyone else??? She wants to be with you AFTER shes gotten this out of her system??!?! Tell her on her bike!! And never NEVER look back. She is/was treating you like ****e and no one would ever treat their other half like this if they truly loves them NEVER! She lost the chance to ever be lucky enough to be with you again.

You should be angry that someone who you spent 5 years with treats you like this, hell I'm even angry for you!! Use this anger and never NEVER let this disrespecting carcus excuse for a person back into your life.

You deserve so SO much better, never ever forget that!

e04bf099

Her having slept with d'other lad makes this a really simple scenario. At least you know what she is like. She definitely doesn't respect you and, even though it might take a couple of years to realise it, if you break up with her now she will end up regretting her actions and behaviour. She will realised what she has missed out on. Forget about her now while you still have your self-respect and dignity, because she will erode these things, and the rest of your confidence, if you don't cut her loose. Then you'll be free to look elsewhere. There are plenty of girls out there that will give you the respect you deserve. Her behaviour is NOT normal and you are not being unreasonable. She wants freedom, so just give it to her. She'll soon realise that she doesn't want it as much as she thinks right now.

extrinzic

Hi OP. Sorry to hear your story. It sounds like this relationship has been hurting you for a long time. Although the betrayal is brutal to accept, in time you will feel better all-round without her. You are both quite young, and have been going out for a long time. You both have changed much since you got together, and you both have had very different lifestyles for a long time. This makes you very different people today than when you first meet. You need to accept that your ex is not somebody who wants the same things from life as you do, and be grateful that you can move on without baggage ie. kids, house, etc. Hurts man, but its my guess that your life is on course for happiness, whilst your ex......

LegacyUser

Wow thanks for all the comments, really appreciate you're kind words!

If I'm honest up until maybe 2 weeks ago I was willing to try again but since then I've really seemed to come out of my shell. It's like I was being held back from being the person I am all this time. I'm finding it easier to talk to people, I'm not holding back on things as much and I've reconnected with friends who I had neglected during the relationship. Sure I still have some awful days, where the whole situation just dwells in my mind, but I've also had good days.

To anyone reading this experiencing something similar, it does get easier. I went mental when I found out, never realised I had the ability to go so crazy and emotional. But after a while I started to get better. The good days now outnumber the bad, though I know it'll be a long time before I'm over this and can fully trust again.

Zombienosh

Hey OP, sorry to hear about what happened, but glad to see how you're dealing with it, you're doing the right thing

Moomoo1

OP, you are still quite young, you'll have plenty of time to find someone who won't treat you like this.