Help with an upcoming tough situation...

LegacyUser

Hi all,

I am 24, my boyfriend is 22 - going out just over a year and living together a few months.

Pretty soon after we decided to live together, things changed for me dramatically. Because we had gotten on so fantastically, and spend so much time together anyway, we made the decision to move in together quite easily. Ever since then though, I have started to feel entirely and utterly miserable.... I feel that I am too young to be in the relationship, and that my independence has been shot to pieces... I feel like I am not myself anymore, and I know that deep down I am unhappy.

The guy is amazing - utterly amazing... somebody that I once envisaged spending the rest of my life with...

I know I have to talk to him about this - but he is quite oblivious to these feelings, and I know it will shock him to the core.. I also don't know how to handle if we had to move out - I would be leaving him in a terrible position as I know he cannot afford to rent somewhere by himself, and breaking up would bring him such anger / heartbreak, I don't think I can do it to him, esp when he is the innocent party in this, and has done nothing wrong in the least.

Should I think about it a little more? I have been having these feelings now for at least 2 months... but to me it seems like I will never have the courage to go for what I really want. Which for me I think is possibly living by myself, free and single and being my age... then again, that may be the worst decision I will ever make...

Please help me

Sephiroth_dude

talk to him asap and tell him how you feel,no point in being with him if you dont feel the same anymore,it aint fair on him.

VaioCruiser

Talk to him.

It seems like the move in was too soon. People make the mistake of thinking that they should move in as an automatic progression of a good relationship. Wrong.

You seem to still be in love with him so there is no reason to end it. You just moved in too soon. Try to explain this to him. You can move back out and stay together. Maybe you might change your mind in 6 months or ... never. Who knows. Tell him that if you stay, while having these feelings, it might destroy the precious relationship that you do have.

I hope it goes well.

All the best.

murfie

In my opinion and experience it might seem like the right decision to split and move out but more often than not you will regret it. By then the damage will be done, and he may not want you back.

I have have been on both sides of this situation and I am just very thankful that my then girlfriend, now wife, took me back as I thought like you and split for reasons I made up when all along she was everything I was looking for!

Think longer and harder before you make the decision.

LegacyUser

You should stay with this guy to keep him happy and financially secure. Forget your independence.

See how ridiculous that sounds.

Talk. Baby steps. Maybe breaking up is not necessary.. just a step back(however hard it will be).

Who knows it could make ye stronger

CDfm

Dublin921 wrote: »

Hi all,

I also don't know how to handle if we had to move out - I would be leaving him in a terrible position as I know he cannot afford to rent somewhere by himself, a

Can you explain this bit cant he share or move back home or do you intend to move out and let him pay the rental?

LegacyUser

Stcik with it ....try to resolve it..perhaps explain to him what you're feeling..you clearly still love him so dont throw it away...

Was done to me a while back..I was gutted but eventually moved on d=found another..then she came back saying it was a huge mistake..but too late I'd moved on....

If you do love him..work it out !!

Best of luck ..

herya

Can you try and find other ways to feel more independent first?

I was in a similar situation when I met my bf now fiance - I was very independent and a bit of a loner and when we started living together it took me a very long time to get used to it (I was 22 when I met him and 24 when we moved in together). I felt so bad living with somebody that sometimes I'd go out for a 3 hour walk because I felt like I couldn't breathe, or I'd take a book out to the balcony and sit there on my own for the whole evening. It was difficult for him to understand at first (he's very social) but I needed my space. I also had those "free and single again" longings. I had to get used to his company and I have, but it took me months. Long walks and being very active on your own definitely helps.

It's just a personality issue, I was and still am like a cat that needs freedom but will come to you eventually (when it suits him). If you are of similar mindset and your bf is worth it try to give yourselves time.

Munster_Gal

Talk to him and try and find a way through this.
My ex moved in with me after 6 months. we spent what I thought was 9 happy months living together and then out of the blue he dumped me by letter telling me that he had been unhappy for the last 6 months or so. It devastated me because I had said when we moved in together, that if either of us felt like it wasn't working we had to talk about it and live in seperate houses if necessary to give each other space. I couldn't believe that he didn't even thing to speak to me.

Don't do the same to your Boyfriend. Talk to him. You might be able to sort it without having to break up.