Apathy

liah

I don't know if this is necessarily a real issue or not, but I'm curious about it.

I seem to be severely, unnaturally apathetic. I never get worried, stressed, excited, etc. I take everything as it comes, and I just deal with it. I never get that whole giddy excitement thing and I don't even understand the meaning of the word "stressed." I can't remember the last time I was overwhelmed by any emotion other than sadness or anger.. which is kind of depressing in and of itself.

I have such a "fúck it" attitude to life. It's not that I don't care about life or anything, I love life, I love living. But I don't get any extremes. I never jump for joy or bubble over with happiness. When I'm faced with an absolutely desperate situation where I am in danger (which, oddly, happens more often than not), I don't even get a hint of worry or stress.

When it comes to myself I just don't feel much. I am hugely compassionate, though, and hearing negative things about other people will make me react emotionally.

The majority of my life is spent in a state of being relatively.. content, I guess. Just kind of a constant "meh, sound" thing.

Is this normal? Why is it so easy for me to feel the extent of the anger/sadness emotions but nothing else?

Carsinian Thau

I don't know if it's normal or not but it sounds nice.

Not being overwhelmed is probably a good thing. Just sounds as though you're very stable to me.

liah

Carsinian Thau wrote: »

I don't know if it's normal or not but it sounds nice.

Not being overwhelmed is probably a good thing. Just sounds as though you're very stable to me.

Stable would be a good word for it, and it has its pluses as I'm pretty level-headed in any situation and don't get scared/deterred easily.. but I'd love to feel moments of uncontrollable excitement about things once in awhile, too.

metamorphosis

Im the same in certain situations. I just don't/can't/don't care to worry over things that are in my mind trivial but to others, a big deal.

I go with the flow , kinda just say 'meh'.

It's a nice place ... most of the time.

On the other hand i have this anxious, feel like im missing something side to me and it's usually tied to my friends. I can get paranoid about stuff for no reason but deep down in my head i know its silly. That reads kinds backarsed i realise!!

It's like a switch in me that can flip between the two. Im happy doing my thing, doing what i like to do and going with the flow but something can trigger that away.

Carsinian Thau

liah wrote: »

Stable would be a good word for it, and it has its pluses as I'm pretty level-headed in any situation and don't get scared/deterred easily.. but I'd love to feel moments of uncontrollable excitement about things once in awhile, too.

A correlation of the ability to feel uncontrolled excitement is the ability to feel uncontrolled depression and sadness. I think that it's always easier for people to hit the lowest ends of despair than to hit the highest points of gladness.

Being neutral would be far better than to fall so far into sadness.

However, I say this as someone who isn't neutral. So obviously the alternative would look better to me. I could understand why it would be bad to be so unresponsive but when things average out, it looks as though neutrality might just edge itself a victory.

The good news is, that normal or otherwise, it hasn't adversely affected you. You love life and you love living it. Negative emotions could prevent that. And paradoxically, so could positive ones (c.f. the effects of manic phases of bipolar disorder).

liah

Carsinian Thau wrote: »

A correlation of the ability to feel uncontrolled excitement is the ability to feel uncontrolled depression and sadness. I think that it's always easier for people to hit the lowest ends of despair than to hit the highest points of gladness.

Well yeah, but the thing is, I'm incredibly capable of feeling all negative emotions such as anger and depression. I've been to the bottom and beyond. I have no trouble feeling the full extent of them. I just never get the other end of the spectrum, the good bits. The elation, excitement, etc.

Sarah W

"Do one thing each day that scares you."

Baz Leumann? Not sure, but it might be worth giving yourself a thrill occasionally - ride a rollercoaster, eat something new, to a comedy club on your own (and heckle, quietly ), go for a weekend away somewhere you haven't heard of or can't spell!

I have a very quiet life and love it but a little thriller (RIP Michael Jackson) is very, very good for the heart!

metamorphosis

liah wrote: »

Well yeah, but the thing is, I'm incredibly capable of feeling all negative emotions such as anger and depression. I've been to the bottom and beyond. I have no trouble feeling the full extent of them. I just never get the other end of the spectrum, the good bits. The elation, excitement, etc.

I was gonna say that it sounds like your emotionally tranced or something but you have been to the bottom but not the top. Does it bother you much that you have never felt the top? Maybe that's a factor in preventing you from actually feeling more exciting emotions to the full extent?

After re reading my post, it sounds like im talking through my arse. Im not it's just im can't seem to correlate my thoughts onto the keyboard properly

philologos

OP: I don't see that there is anything wrong with your current position really. I have times like this but it is never really the majority of the time. I personally do find that I feel strongly about certain things in my life, and how my life seems to be panning out if that makes sense. You seem to be getting on alright. Just curious, do you think that your apathy may come from what worldview or what particular beliefs you have in your life? I'm not saying it does, but it might. I don't think you have a problem in any way, I just think that your worldview / beliefs might be fuelling how you feel about the world and about life as mine motivate me and motivate quite a lot of how I feel in my life.

liah

Jakkass wrote: »

OP: I don't see that there is anything wrong with your current position really. I have times like this but it is never really the majority of the time. I personally do find that I feel strongly about certain things in my life, and how my life seems to be panning out if that makes sense. You seem to be getting on alright. Just curious, do you think that your apathy may come from what worldview or what particular beliefs you have in your life? I'm not saying it does, but it might. I don't think you have a problem in any way, I just think that your worldview / beliefs might be fuelling how you feel about the world and about life as mine motivate me and motivate quite a lot of how I feel in my life.

I doubt it, though I can see where you're coming from.

I think it has more to do with my past; I've constantly been in negative situations, very, very rarely would anything positive come my way, so perhaps I've only learned to react to negative ones and am just plain so unused to positive ones that I don't react because I don't know how?

I'm not sure.

I just don't think changing my worldview/religion would have much difference; I'm content and happy day to day, it's not like I'm constantly sad or angry, they're rare enough emotions these days. It's just they're the only things I feel the extremes of.

LegacyUser

From your buddha quote, I am wondering do you do any kind of meditation or spiritual practice? Vairagya is a side effect of such practices, but it isn't Apathy. The mind just is no longer enthralled by the acquisition or accumulation of the material or the transient.

That is not to say that one no longer enjoys the transient. There is just no longer that "ARRRGGGHHH" for stuff like jobs, relationships, things etc. The moment is enjoyed for what it is.

Emotions are only labels that are given to energy moving through the body. There are no negative or positive emotions. For example, is there really a difference in the feeling of anxiety (negative) and excitement (positive), once the identification is removed?

You say you are open to feeling the full extent of negative emotions. Next time, instead of labelling the emotions as negative, investigate. Perhaps, what you call sadness or anger, could be something else.

philologos

liah wrote: »

I doubt it, though I can see where you're coming from.

Hm, I recall before I really gave anything such as worldview / beliefs much thought, I felt rather apathetic myself about a lot of things. However, I wouldn't have characterised that as a particularly positive part of my life. However, it seems to be rather positive for you, which is different. That's the only reason I thought it might be somewhat related.

liah wrote: »

I think it has more to do with my past; I've constantly been in negative situations, very, very rarely would anything positive come my way, so perhaps I've only learned to react to negative ones and am just plain so unused to positive ones that I don't react because I don't know how?

I'd say this is where we differ. Overall apart from a spell of about 2 - 3 years, I would say that my life has been positive. By "constantly" are you suggesting that negative situations seemed more prevalent to you in every day experience than positive ones? I think you might be onto something here, but then again, you are a much better assessor of yourself than I would ever be

liah wrote: »

I just don't think changing my worldview/religion would have much difference; I'm content and happy day to day, it's not like I'm constantly sad or angry, they're rare enough emotions these days. It's just they're the only things I feel the extremes of.

I just find your situation interesting, and I suppose I was looking out a root cause, worldview seemed to be the first to come to my mind.

It is becoming common in Western society that people are dismissing emotions as merely irrational, people aren't considering them as important in their lives anymore, as such if people are going to dismiss them merely as irrational and unimportant people will no doubt find that they have issues dealing with them. Not saying that that is your case however, it is merely an example of how ones worldview can affect their lives.

liah

Jakkass wrote: »

By "constantly" are you suggesting that negative situations seemed more prevalent to you in every day experience than positive ones?

My life tends to be the epitome of bad luck. So yes, negative situations are more prevalent in everyday experience but also hard-hitting life-impacting situations (everything from sexual abuse to homelessness) that most people never have to deal with. And it just never seems to abate. At most, it stops for a couple months. And then it's right back into the fray when some other problem arises.

All things considered I've maintained a very positive outlook though. So I suppose that's something.

It is becoming common in Western society that people are dismissing emotions as merely irrational, people aren't considering them as important in their lives anymore, as such if people are going to dismiss them merely as irrational and unimportant people will no doubt find that they have issues dealing with them. Not saying that that is your case however, it is merely an example of how ones worldview can affect their lives.

I wish that was my case, because then I could at least feel them in order to dismiss them. I'd give anything to be a positively emoting person. I really would.

Carsinian Thau

liah wrote: »

My life tends to be the epitome of bad luck. So yes, negative situations are more prevalent in everyday experience but also hard-hitting life-impacting situations (everything from sexual abuse to homelessness) that most people never have to deal with. And it just never seems to abate. At most, it stops for a couple months. And then it's right back into the fray when some other problem arises.

OP, is there any chance that you may be emotional traumatised? It looks as though you've been through a lot.

Counselling may be of help to you.

liah

Carsinian Thau wrote: »

OP, is there any chance that you may be emotional traumatised? It looks as though you've been through a lot.

Counselling may be of help to you.

Perhaps. But I don't think counselling would do much for me. I've no problems discussing my past and I'm content enough with it. I freely talk about it and it doesn't bring me down at all when I do, so it's not like I need someone to talk to about stuff. What would I need a counsellor for?

Tyler MacDurden

I seem to be severely, unnaturally apathetic. I never get worried, stressed, excited, etc. I take everything as it comes, and I just deal with it. I never get that whole giddy excitement thing and I don't even understand the meaning of the word "stressed." I can't remember the last time I was overwhelmed by any emotion other than sadness or anger.

It seems that some of us are cursed with unnaturally stable personalities. This could precisely describe me too.

In some ways, it's a positive asset: we don't get flustered or panicky in extremis, we don't get pulled along by mass-hysteria or get unduly influenced by external trends.

Conversely, I have often wished I could let myself go, let some, any emotion well up for once. I usually rein in any feelings that threaten to get the better of me. Apathy, over-analysis, procrastination are all tied into for me at least. No wonder I love Hamlet so much. :rolleyes:

From what I've seen/read of you in The Godless Heathens other forums OP, you come across as someone who's pretty restless intellectually, questioning and examining constantly. For the record, I think this is a positive thing. I read a passage once that resonated with me, you might see something in it too:

There is no mystery to happiness.

Unhappy men are all alike. Some wound they suffered long ago, some wish denied, some blow to pride, some kindling spark of love put out by scorn—or worse, indifference—cleaves to them, or they to it, and so they live each day within a shroud of yesterdays. The happy man does not look back. He doesn’t look ahead. He lives in the present.

But there’s the rub. The present can never deliver one thing: meaning. The ways of happiness and meaning are not the same. To find happiness, a man need only live in the moment; he need only live for the moment. But if he wants meaning—the meaning of his dreams, his secrets, his life—a man must reinhabit his past, however dark, and live for the future, however uncertain. Thus nature dangles happiness and meaning before us all, insisting only that we choose between them.

...More than a hint of Hamlet there.

Remedies, counter-balances to one's apathy? The poster who suggested the Baz Luhrmann "do something everyday that scares you" approach might be onto something. I've found that something, but i shan't presume to suggest a course for you.

My longest post ever.

*exit, stage left.*

Overheal

liah wrote: »

Well yeah, but the thing is, I'm incredibly capable of feeling all negative emotions such as anger and depression. I've been to the bottom and beyond. I have no trouble feeling the full extent of them. I just never get the other end of the spectrum, the good bits. The elation, excitement, etc.

that answers my question anywho.

Have you been to your GP or anything? Checked to see if it might be a psychological issue, such as a clinical depression? Time to rule some things out, like. You may not be able to see what benefit a psychiatrist/psychologist/counselor might do for you, but they would.

TPD

I think im pretty similar to you OP. Had a whole speil typed out but I think youd know it anyway.

liah

Overheal wrote: »

that answers my question anywho.

Have you been to your GP or anything? Checked to see if it might be a psychological issue, such as a clinical depression? Time to rule some things out, like. You may not be able to see what benefit a psychiatrist/psychologist/counselor might do for you, but they would.

My family is prone to clinical depression. All female members of my family have it. I have it. I've been through the ropes for it, but I don't feel it anymore. Not even remotely. I'm content and happy in day to day life and I love life. I don't see how any of that would benefit me as I'm nowhere near miserable, I'm quite positive and upbeat-- I just don't get extremes.

Again, I ask: If I have no trouble discussing my past, my personality, every facet of my life (I'm a disturbingly open person), and none of it does any emotional number on me at all, in fact I'm happy enough with the trauma of my past because it made me who I am now, what could a psychiatrist/psychologist/counsellor possibly do for me?

dearg lady

Liah I'm intrigued by your post, I'm kind of the opposite myself, feel everything too much, and often overreact to situations. On the one hand you sound extremely well adjusted but obviously you want to feel the highs too, and that's completely understandable.
is it the case that day to day life is fine, but every few months something bad comes up and you feel all the negatives? and you say you're not depressed any more, so how is it you feel at these bad times?
Funny thing is I think I could learn a lot from someone like you, my boyfriend is quite similiar and I often admire his ability to not let things bother him and be content day to day. Being content is something I strive for. in saying that I'd be interested to see what suggestions come up and if you find any of them useful

liah

dearg lady wrote: »

is it the case that day to day life is fine, but every few months something bad comes up and you feel all the negatives? and you say you're not depressed any more, so how is it you feel at these bad times?

I don't get sad/angry about little things at all (minor squabbles, rumours, etc are just annoyances), but the things like break ups, losing people or pets from my life (death or otherwise), horrible situations I can't control, things people are doing to me at the moment that they shouldn't be like abuse, fights over things that mean something to me, etc., I feel the extremes of those situations just like anyone else. Heartbreak, frustration, so on. I'll bawl for a night or two if something like a breakup happens or someone leaves my life, and then intermittently thereafter if I get particularly sentimental, as I see to be fairly normal. I get angry if someone is physically attacking me or being verbally vicious (and it takes a lot for me to react to verbalities), as I also see to be fairly normal. I tend to get more angry than scared if put into a scenario such as abuse or rape. In fact, there's very little on this planet that will scare me.

I get over things stupid quick though, so the emotions tend not to last. Thankfully.

It's a lot different now than when I was depressed. When I was depressed I just wanted everything to end. I wanted no part of anything. I wanted to just curl up and die and I wanted it to all go away. I was crying every night and constantly angry and acting out against the people who were only trying to help and having pretty terrible thoughts as well as trying to take myself out. The feelings dominated my life and were overwhelming.
Now I adore life and can't imagine not being a part of the world and can't bear the thought of being taken out of it, I have so much left to do and discover. I love people and my animals and I see beauty in everything. The world is too good to leave behind.