Would Moving Out Help Me Move On

LegacyUser

My ex left me around 5 months ago and I'm still trying to heal but have since moved out of the area that we lived in together and have stayed with family. I want to get my own place now and have some space but i'm worried that if i move back to the area i lived in with my ex there will be too many memories and it'll slow down the healing process.

I do really like the area and don't fancy starting all over again in an unknown area but I'm wondering will all the reminders bring me down and I'll never get over him and move on. I don't like the area where my family are so I don't want to stay there.

Any advice please.....

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Don't go back.

Everything you do, go to the shop for milk, get the same bus you used to get, drive on the same roads will remind you of him.

Also, there is always the chance of meeting him and stuff happening as a "comfort".

Unless, of course, you want that

LegacyUser

Des wrote: »

Don't go back.

Everything you do, go to the shop for milk, get the same bus you used to get, drive on the same roads will remind you of him.

Also, there is always the chance of meeting him and stuff happening as a "comfort".

Unless, of course, you want that

Definitely don't want to run into him. Its heartbreaking having the 'oh hi, how are you?' with someone you're still madly in love with. Happened once and it nearly killed me.

SarahSassy

I dont think you are helping yourself long term by dodging moving back there. It may be painful in the short term but you will get over it, it will help you get over the relationship and ultimately you will be very proud of yourself for not letting the situation beat you.

Good luck and dont live life in fear.

pookie82

While I agree with Sarah on the "don't let the past stop you living where you want" point, it's tough call. If he still lives there and the likelihood of bumping into him is high each time you leave the house (depending on the size of the place) it'll only hold you back.
And to be honest, even if you DON'T bump into him that often, the expectation that you might on every trip to the shop or night out in the local will probably cause a lot of untold heartache.

I used to go out with a guy from my home town when I was away in college, and we broke up really badly. For ages it was impossible for me to go home without getting upset. Like I mentioned earlier, even if I didn't meet him out (and I often did, or drove past him in the street which would send me into a spin for hours) the expectation of doing so had me on high alert all the time and really frayed my nerves. It's very hard to move on when you're frequenting the same pubs/clubs/shops/parks that you did together.

On the other hand, if you have your own mates and life there, then I would think twice about not going back. A break up is a break up and there's a certain amount of inevitable pain that will always go with that. It could take months to heal. but there will come a time when you have healed, and giving up a place you love where you can be close to your mates just to make those few months easier could be costly.

It's a tough call.

LegacyUser

pookie82 wrote: »

While I agree with Sarah on the "don't let the past stop you living where you want" point, it's tough call. If he still lives there and the likelihood of bumping into him is high each time you leave the house (depending on the size of the place) it'll only hold you back.
And to be honest, even if you DON'T bump into him that often, the expectation that you might on every trip to the shop or night out in the local will probably cause a lot of untold heartache.

I used to go out with a guy from my home town when I was away in college, and we broke up really badly. For ages it was impossible for me to go home without getting upset. Like I mentioned earlier, even if I didn't meet him out (and I often did, or drove past him in the street which would send me into a spin for hours) the expectation of doing so had me on high alert all the time and really frayed my nerves. It's very hard to move on when you're frequenting the same pubs/clubs/shops/parks that you did together.

On the other hand, if you have your own mates and life there, then I would think twice about not going back. A break up is a break up and there's a certain amount of inevitable pain that will always go with that. It could take months to heal. but there will come a time when you have healed, and giving up a place you love where you can be close to your mates just to make those few months easier could be costly.

It's a tough call.

He doesn't live in the area but may still be in the area from time to time but there are ways that I can avoid seeing him so thats not even a big issue.

I may see him driving in the area but like i said I do like the area and I feel safe there which is important since I'm gonna live alone. The things I was really thinking of is going to the same shops that we used to, the same restaurants and just generally being in that same area but the reminders are constant anyway, songs on the radio, films we saw together, clothes I bought to go out with him and on hols with him etc

I'm heartbroken anyway, so at least I'll be heartbroken in familiar surroundings.

SarahSassy

Well I would suggest you move back and pull off the plaster.. Go back to all the places you went with him and get it over with. Each time you go the pain will be less. It will be another step in the process of letting go of him.

pookie82

stillsadhere wrote: »

He doesn't live in the area but may still be in the area from time to time but there are ways that I can avoid seeing him so thats not even a big issue.

I may see him driving in the area but like i said I do like the area and I feel safe there which is important since I'm gonna live alone. The things I was really thinking of is going to the same shops that we used to, the same restaurants and just generally being in that same area but the reminders are constant anyway, songs on the radio, films we saw together, clothes I bought to go out with him and on hols with him etc

I'm heartbroken anyway, so at least I'll be heartbroken in familiar surroundings.

What Sarah said. Basically if you feel like this I think you should go back, deal with it, suffer the pain in familiar surroundings as you say, and wait for it to pass.

To be honest it sounds like you really like this place. Leaving now/staying away because of him would probably make it a taboo area for you forever and totally ruin the place. Staying and braving it will mean the pain will fade with time and you won't have left a nice town to come out the other side.

Best of luck, I feel for you.