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Aw guys.. I'm just not sure!

  • 27-06-2009 12:33pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    23 female.
    6 year relationship.
    Long distance
    Perfect guy!

    BUT I crave being single! I do more or less have a "single life" most of the time as we live apart (that doesn't include other romantic relationships). There is still a part of me that wants to be alone. It's not about wanting to get with other people. I'm hugely independent but I see him as my weakness, all rationality and independence disappears when he arrives.

    I am young and when I think about how long we've been together, I kind of get short of breath and my heart tightens. Here's when other people come into the equation... what if i'm 45 still with this guy and regret spending my youth with just one person. I'm not talking about whoring around town but.. you know..just meeting new people, not feeling guilty for chatting to another guy. Is the grass greener?

    The reality of leaving him seems Very unrealistic because I could meet him three weeks after we break up and start swooning over him. I'm dumb like that. Sometimes I wish he was in some way fatally flawed (don't get me wrong he does have some flaws :)) so that it would give me reason to hate him and never want to see him again.

    I guess there's a lot more to this than i can bore you with but...help with just this bit would be greatly appreciated.


Comments

  • #2
    SarahSassy
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,145 ✭✭✭SarahSassy


    Its very hard to meet a decent partner who loves you and treats you well. If you are happy with the same guy at 45 then so what?

    Maybe its time you made the long-distance into no-distance. Why are you living so far apart? Have you plans to move closer?

    Chances are you are bored. Not with him but the situation so why not do something about that before you finish a good relationship.


  • #3
    Cabaal
    Moderators, Technology & Internet Moderators, Regional South East Moderators Posts: 28,536 Mod ✭✭✭✭Cabaal


    Maybe its just a case of grass looks greener on the other side, OP I get where your coming from but you could end it all and then find you've made an awful mistake


  • #4
    Tar.Aldarion
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,110 Mod ✭✭✭✭Tar.Aldarion


    The thing is, would you rather look back at 45 and think, I have had this one person all these years and I am so happy to have him but what could ahve happened with other men? Or look back and think, what could have been with that person that you loved for years, and was perfect for you, but you gave him up becuase you thought you might be 'wasting' your youth on one person?


  • #5
    VaioCruiser
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭VaioCruiser


    Unregistered wrote: »
    23 female.
    6 year relationship.
    Long distance
    Perfect guy!

    BUT I crave being single! I do more or less have a "single life" most of the time as we live apart (that doesn't include other romantic relationships). There is still a part of me that wants to be alone. It's not about wanting to get with other people. I'm hugely independent but I see him as my weakness, all rationality and independence disappears when he arrives.

    I am young and when I think about how long we've been together, I kind of get short of breath and my heart tightens. Here's when other people come into the equation... what if i'm 45 still with this guy and regret spending my youth with just one person. I'm not talking about whoring around town but.. you know..just meeting new people, not feeling guilty for chatting to another guy. Is the grass greener?

    The reality of leaving him seems Very unrealistic because I could meet him three weeks after we break up and start swooning over him. I'm dumb like that. Sometimes I wish he was in some way fatally flawed (don't get me wrong he does have some flaws :)) so that it would give me reason to hate him and never want to see him again.

    I guess there's a lot more to this than i can bore you with but...help with just this bit would be greatly appreciated.

    I think that what you are going through is perfectly normal. In my humble opinion you have been in a relationship with him way way way too long. Life is here to be lived. Dating the one guy from 16 to 23 is very limiting. Clearly you also have a natural instinct for independence and this may come from your upbringing.

    It's a tough decision. You say he is perfect.... but measured against what ? See what I mean ? Your criteria is one that has no experience of other guys and how more perfect or less perfect they may be.

    I am reluctant to suggest splitting, but on the other hand you have a long long life ahead of you. Clearly he doesn't inspire you to start nesting and making babies. So I would seriously suggest you consider taking a break and checking out the social scene with the girlfriends, enjoy chatting guys up and maybe a date here and there and see what happens.
    Please don't be frozen by the fear of never finding another great guy... there are LOADS of them out there for you.

    All the best.


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