Ex-boyfriend problems

LegacyUser

Lost a bit in this problem and really need some perspective. my boyf and I broke up over 6 months ago- he broke up with me, he tried getting back with me, but after we broke up I basically found out he had been back onto the website that we had met on orginally.. he hadn't gone on a date, he had been messaging people on the website, and in one case, he had sent on his phone number. The only thing I can say in his defence as I am still mad he deceived me like is, is that he had read something I had written that was hurtful to him.
He said he went there as his confidence had been shattered and he needed confidence pep up.
So since then I asked for no contact, which he broke a few times- each time I thought he wanted to get back with me, and I was distant but nice-ish.. part of me misses him ya know.. and still he makes no real effort to get me back ya know? Even though he will say' I know you said don't contact, but I really miss you', etc.
So to get him to stop that I told him I met somebody, and wanted to give it a decent try with them, and for him to give me some distance.. of course he didn't. Few days later was asking me where did I meet him, etc. And I'll be honest part of me thought I'd tell him that to make him jealous, the other part was saying this will make him go away.

Okay so then he had a panic attack and I felt maybe my news had something to do with it, so I told him that the new guy and me weren't really suited after all and that we were friends, etc. So my ex is still texting me.

I don't know what to do. Can you trust someone who deceived you like that? Am I wasting my time waiting for him to turn around and say he made a mistake and wants me back??
Should I truly stop contact with him, just not reply to his messages, and move on 100% and not look back?

Would appreciate any perspective folks.

EPM

How exactly did he decieve you again? By going on a site AFTER you broke up? Getting on with his life? Then he texts you saying he misses you and you offer little encouragement to him despite the fact you miss him too? Instead you make up a lie to hurt his feelings.

To be honest he's probably better off without these games. Just grow up and talk to the guy and see what happens

SarahSassy

Unregistered wrote: »

after we broke up I basically found out he had been back onto the website that we had met on orginally..

I think she means she found out, after they broke up, that he had been on the site while they were still together....

kittenkiller

Stop playing games and walk away.

You're messing each other around and unless you're getting a kick from the attention (or lack of it), I can't see what you could be getting from it.

He obviously wants what he can't have (the people on the site while he was with you and you when you said you were with someone else).
Sounds like a really drawn out booty call to me.

Get out of there if you feel you deserve better.

LegacyUser

EPM wrote: »

How exactly did he decieve you again? By going on a site AFTER you broke up? Getting on with his life? Then he texts you saying he misses you and you offer little encouragement to him despite the fact you miss him too? Instead you make up a lie to hurt his feelings.

To be honest he's probably better off without these games. Just grow up and talk to the guy and see what happens

Oh God no, I didn't explain myself properly at all - wrote that last night and I was really upset..No he had been on the website for a month before we broke up- I only found out after we broke up cause I just got a feeling he could have been on it, and yeah it was true-he had given out his number and been messaging girls. We were together all the while

LegacyUser

Yeah he did deny it for a long time- he gave in eventually and admitte to it. I found out because his new username on the site was very similar to from when we had met originally, and then by contacting all of his contacts on his profile which are public to every member.. and that's how I found out it was definitely him- he gave his phone number to one of them. He hadn't cheated full blown (that I know of) but the part that kills me is that like you were saying he could have been doing it to keep his options open..He doesn't cope well alone. He says that at the time his confidence was knocked by what he had read in my diary and he was contacting them for attention..
Ah I guess I'm wondering would I be better off cutting him out of my life. Is it safe to stay friends and then some day to find myself falling for him again.

IRISH RAIL

i think you should cut him from your life and change your number etc so he cant contact you.
then I think you should stop writing hurtful things in diaries about your boyfriends.

dlofnep

He's probably better off without you, and you without him. You either are together or you aren't. Don't play games with him.

seanybiker

have to agree with Irish Rail here on this one.

Also. You asked him not to contact you but are asking why isnt he trying harder to get you back. How is he supposed to get you back without contact. I know ya said you had little contact but it dont make sense.