I need advice?

LegacyUser

My boyfriend has a woman friend who is draping herself all over him and kissing him grabbing him and has even climbed into his bed naked.He tells me everything all the time about how she is carrying on.And she has told him she is in love with him now to.He hasn't been with her and he does tell her to stop.But she is still dong it and he lets her do things to a certain amount.
I have flipped out on one or more occasions,i am only human and i have got a heart and it hurts very much.
My question is how would you feel about your Boyfriend having someone making advances on him like the stuff i mentioned above and he is still around her? Or am i over reacting?She has over stepped the boundaries in far more ways than that but he keeps laughing at it.

eleven

That is an awful awful situation. Seeing as it's gotten as bad as it has, if it was me i'd say "I don't want to ask you to choose between us, but I don't think I have any other option"

I'm sorry. Good luck

Silverfish

Unregistered wrote: »

My boyfriend has a woman friend who is draping herself all over him and kissing him grabbing him and has even climbed into his bed naked.He tells me everything all the time about how she is carrying on.And she has told him she is in love with him now to.He hasn't been with her and he does tell her to stop.But she is still dong it and he lets her do things to a certain amount.
I have flipped out on one or more occasions,i am only human and i have got a heart and it hurts very much.
My question is how would you feel about your Boyfriend having someone making advances on him like the stuff i mentioned above and he is still around her? Or am i over reacting?She has over stepped the boundaries in far more ways than that but he keeps laughing at it.

Sounds like he may not be interested in her, but he loves the attention, and likes the fact that it upsets you too, so he has two women giving him attention.

I'm not usually one for the 'It's her or me' ultimatum, but clearly whatever he's telling her, he's not discouraging it enough for her to stop, and he finds it amusing - if you had no problem with it that's one thing, but you do, so he needs to make a decision. But I suggest you make one first. Do you really want to be with someone who thinks something that causes you pain is funny?

Sarah W

Leave them to it. He's getting a buzz out of her behaviour, but much worse he's getting a buzz out of telling you. Nasty.

epik

That is not cool. No one can say they'd be ok with it. I second what Silverfish posted.

Terodil

If he really wanted to stop it, he could!

You're not being irrational or controlling or whatever; I agree with Silverfish that this is a her or me situation.

I'm not sure if talking is the best way to go about it; I think he may have become too comfortable with the whole situation. The way he talks to you about it may be an attempt to rid himself of guilt by pushing all the blame on 'the psycho woman', still allowing him to 'reluctantly' enjoy the menage a trois. Maybe you should take a couple of days off, go somewhere else and ask him to sort it out. As I said before, if he wants to, he can, and if it takes a court order. Don't let this continue any longer -- have some self-worth!

LegacyUser

My question is how would you feel about your Boyfriend having someone making advances on him like the stuff i mentioned above

Girlfriend....

And it would p155 me off PROPER. This behaviour is totally unacceptable... naked into bed like? He is getting off on the attention and (possibly as one poster above said) on telling you about it.

I wouldn't be one for the them or me ultimatum either, as I think it's a bit melodramatic but I think you should ask your OH to put himself in your situation... would HE mind YOU hopping into bed with a naked lad or two, or getting felt up by them? This might open his eyes a bit. Us lads are jealous b******s!

petes

Unregistered wrote: »

But she is still dong it and he lets her do things to a certain amount.

That's the one sentence that stood out for me. What things does he let her do exactly?

If I were you I'd hit the road.

LegacyUser

eleven wrote: »

That is an awful awful situation. Seeing as it's gotten as bad as it has, if it was me i'd say "I don't want to ask you to choose between us, but I don't think I have any other option"

I'm sorry. Good luck

Op here.Thanks i have thought of that a now a few times.I am not that type of person at all.But i do think their is certain boundaries that even flirting can cross.And she is crossing it,It really is awful situation to be in.I do be thinking i am been overly sensitive and then i think he really doesnt see it what is wrong with it.
Thanks alot

LegacyUser

Silverfish wrote: »

Sounds like he may not be interested in her, but he loves the attention, and likes the fact that it upsets you too, so he has two women giving him attention.

I'm not usually one for the 'It's her or me' ultimatum, but clearly whatever he's telling her, he's not discouraging it enough for her to stop, and he finds it amusing - if you had no problem with it that's one thing, but you do, so he needs to make a decision. But I suggest you make one first. Do you really want to be with someone who thinks something that causes you pain is funny?

Yeah he does say that he has no interest in her,I don't want to go that far i want him to make that decision for himself you know.Hold on a minute you are disrespecting my gf by doing that so now don't contact me again.
I don't understand the girl either.What are women like that they can do that,its sickening.

Oh The Humanity

he lets her do things to a certain amount

OP dump him.

He is encouraging her and taunting you with the stories as he is loving the attention and ego boost.

Never ever let yourself be disrespected like this.

End it.

LegacyUser

I agree, there is no point giving him the her or me discussion because it looks as if he has made his choice already.

If it was me, I would plan it so he catches me in bed with another man, then when he kicks off say innocently "I did tell him to stop". OR, just leave the loser to it and find someone who respects you.

You don't need it, it is disrespectful and sickening, just think of the things he HASN'T told you.

LegacyUser

sunflower27 wrote: »

Yes, it is a bit of a ploy really telling you some things so that you think 'ah, well, at least he is being all up front' but how do you know that he is actually telling you everything?

If she's in his bed naked, then in all probability something has gone on for her to think she could do it without making a total fool of herself.

Agreed. Unless she has the morals of Jordan, she must have had some come on to do it, I wouldn't dream of getting naked in bed with anyone but my man. Especially if he was a "friend".

kittenkiller

I'd sit him down and have a frank talk about it.

Tell him how much it hurts you and how you're happy that you have such an open and honest relationship, but that knowing he is putting himself in these situations is denting your confidence and hurting you on an ongoing basis.
Let him know that you no longer see this friend of his as a friend but more of a threat to your relationship.
See how he feels about this psycho ruining your relationship regardless of whether or not he scores her.

If he is insistant that he still sees her (as a friend), you will need to reassess your relationship and where you see it going.
Anyone who puts you in a position like that knowing how it effects you doesn't have any regard for your feelings.

Best of luck OP.

Chocoholic84

Unregistered wrote: »

My boyfriend has a woman friend who is draping herself all over him and kissing him grabbing him and has even climbed into his bed naked.He tells me everything all the time about how she is carrying on.And she has told him she is in love with him now to.He hasn't been with her and he does tell her to stop.But she is still dong it and he lets her do things to a certain amount.
I have flipped out on one or more occasions,i am only human and i have got a heart and it hurts very much.
My question is how would you feel about your Boyfriend having someone making advances on him like the stuff i mentioned above and he is still around her? Or am i over reacting?She has over stepped the boundaries in far more ways than that but he keeps laughing at it.

OP! Tell your b/f to stop seeing this woman INSTANTLY - or you're outta there. No matter if she's a friend - Christ, if my OH had a "friend" like that, it would certainly be ultimatum time!

He sounds like he's loving the attention tbh, which is why he won't do anything about it - very immature.

You need to call the shots here. It's not on.

wexford202

I wouldn't be too pissed with your boyfriend as he will stop telling you things but I would let her know that he is telling you everything and then she will feel like a proper fool and hopefully stop.

God some girls have no shame

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Yeah he does say that he has no interest in her,I don't want to go that far i want him to make that decision for himself you know.Hold on a minute you are disrespecting my gf by doing that so now don't contact me again.
I don't understand the girl either.What are women like that they can do that,its sickening.

He is the one disrespecting you, he might be telling you what is going on and said he tells her to stop, but he is also 100% as responsible for her behavior as she is. If he wanted it to stop it could be done instantly, he doesn't, end of story.

Unregistered wrote: »

I don't understand the girl either.What are women like that they can do that,its sickening.

There's a pair of them in it

LauraLoo

try and figure out when shes next going to be in his bed.

calmly walk in and encourage her out of the bed (by the hair if she wont comply)

escort her to the front door.

make sure shes naked still.

throw her out and lock the door.

Then go up to your boyf and tell him hes not worth sh*te and that he can have her.

then leave him.

and change your number.

LegacyUser

Have you spoken to him?

I doubt he would stand a bloke draping himself over you and climbing in your bed starkers. My boyfriend has done things in the past which aren't cheating as such but when I reversed the roles, he realised how out of order he was.

Try it with him, if he doesn't change, change him. For a bloke who wants you and you alone.

Good luck.

LegacyUser

OP again here.Thanks so much guys for all your replies it really helps to see i am not been a mad cow or something.I wouldn't do it to him ever in anyway and i so agree even if he is not doing it back he is making me suffer for it and he knows it hurts me.He doesn't see anything wrong with and says he doesn't understand why i have problem if he isn't reciprocating it to them.He just laughs it off.I have asked him to stop telling me these things but still keeps telling me.I have never had a good relationship in mine life and with him always was so good and so happy,First time in mine life i ever loved anyone unconditionally and would do anything for them.He changes his moods so much,I get so confused.He loves me more than anything in this world he says and i do believe him but then he wont get rid of the things that upset me when i ask him to.He is very very very very good looking man and has women throwing them selves constantly and i think he doesn't no how to not have their attention or he is insecure and doesn't believe i am in love with him not for his looks or his money.Is it possible he keeps them around to stop himself from completely letting himself get involved with me.Or he is just to immature to see what real love is about.

eleven

Hi Op.

Your relationship doesn't sound healthy. If this guy can seriously just 'laugh off' your concerns about his involvement with a woman who treats him sexually, to the point of 'kissing, touching, climbing into bed naked, and telling him she loves him' he's mad or bad.

I mean obviously you don't think he's actually cheating on you, and he therefore feels his behaviour is within the confines of a normal monogamas realtionship. So he doesn't see your problem.

The biggest problem in my eyes is that whether he did or didn't kiss/etc with her, is that he has completely disregarded your feelings, doesn't take your reaction to this seriously and is ignoring your plea's to stop. He doesn't think you're smart or intelligent enough to see the situation clearly for what it is. He thinks you're just an irrational woman.

I would not like to be with someone who can just ignore my emotions, sensitivies and feelings. That's not to say they are *OVER* sensitivies, emotions and feelings, because you have people here (and I presume in real life aswell,) backing you up. Because then where is the partnership, and trust that is needed for a properly functioning relationship?

Unless this man not only stops his conduct with this other girl, but actually sees why and understands what he has done wrong I personally couldn't continue in that situation.

Good luck xx