Virgin at 22

LegacyUser

I'm 22 and a virgin, it's mostly by choice because I don't want my first time to be because it's what's expected. I've never had a serious relationship and I've never been in love but I have been "seeing" lots of guys over the years. I've never hid the fact that I'm a virgin and nobody I've been with has had a problem with it or tried to pressure me in any way.

This may not make sense but I get a lot of attention from guys when I'm out but just brush it off because I'm so shy and mostly feel unworthy of the attention. The girls are always at me saying I'm mad for not going for some of the guys that approach me...I just have no confidence and I think it's because I put too much pressure on myself because I'm a virgin.

Has anybody any advice for me as I'm just going nuts lately?! I feel like if it hasn't happened by now...it never will...lol!!

LegacyUser

Hi Op,

I was in the exact same position as you (I'm 29 now). Fairly good looking girl and got a lot of attention from guys and at the time I genuinely thought there was something wrong me but hand on heart looking back now I just wasn't ready. I lost my virginity at 26 to my OH and my God was I glad I waited!
It just felt like the right time with the right person and I even shocked myself that I wasn't even nervous! It just happened when it was right for me and it sounds like you're in the exact same boat. I was convinced there was something wrong and I worried for years over it and it turns out it was all about timing and being ready.

You're perfectly normal hon and it'll happen when it's meant to. I'd put it to the back of my mind and just have fun and enjoy like and when you least expect it... ;-)

Nervous Wreck

Just remember that you're (not) doing it by choice. Sounds like you've had ample opportunity so I wouldn't put pressure on yerself. Sex is loads of fun and can be really special but don't put it on a pedestal. Don't jump right in if you don't want to but don't shy away just cos it's new. Also, believe in yourself. You get attention from guys because there's something attractive about you (probably a lot of things). You deserve all the positive attention you get. Have fun!

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi Op,

I was in the exact same position as you (I'm 29 now). Fairly good looking girl and got a lot of attention from guys and at the time I genuinely thought there was something wrong me but hand on heart looking back now I just wasn't ready. I lost my virginity at 26 to my OH and my God was I glad I waited!
It just felt like the right time with the right person and I even shocked myself that I wasn't even nervous! It just happened when it was right for me and it sounds like you're in the exact same boat. I was convinced there was something wrong and I worried for years over it and it turns out it was all about timing and being ready.

You're perfectly normal hon and it'll happen when it's meant to. I'd put it to the back of my mind and just have fun and enjoy like and when you least expect it... ;-)

Can I ask you if your OH was a virgin at the time as well?

LegacyUser

Thanks guys...I had a strange fear that people weren't going to understad and criticise me for this...you have reassured me!

My friends tell me more or less the same the whole time but it's just hard to listen when all your friends have fallen in and out of love many times and have had all of these experiences and you constantly feel like you're living on the outskirts of your own life...never feeling like you fit in especially during all the girl talk!!

I've never really cared about fitting in but there is a lot of stigma attached to being a virgin and our generation is all about sex that I feel like it is harder to meet people because the older you get the more of an issue it becomes!

I try not to put sex on a pedestal Nervous Wreck but it's hard to dismiss it completely when we're living in a sex crazed society, ok, that may be a bit of an exaggeration but I wouldn't say by much...lol!!

LegacyUser

Whatever you do, don't do it with some bloke just to get it over with.

You need to learn to be emotionally intimate before you can be physically intimate.

I was exactly in your position and I sort of decided to 'get it over with' because in my case I had waited so long, it was built up into this big thing in my head, I found it difficult to date guys because I knew I'd eventually end up doing it and I also felt totally left out and as if I wasn't fully living my life . My first time wasn't with someone special and I regret that but at the same time, I think it was what I personally needed to do to move on. The problem when you get into your 20's is that the vast majority of guys will have already been with a few girls, so the 'ideal scenario' of being each other's first is unlikely to happen. IMO that is the big downside to losing your virginity at a later stage. Once I had lost my virginity, I stopped obsessing about it and shortly afterwards met my first serious boyfriend. Whatever issue I had with guys and relationships pretty much disappeared. This was me though, I am aware that the majority of people will probably tell you to wait.

LegacyUser

Good for you girl i was a virgin Until i was 19 all my friends lost it when they were much much younger.
I to lacking in confidence from the taunting and constant abuse i got from my so called friends.
When you are ready you will be ready.Don't lose feel you have to have sex just because you think your older.
Lacking in confidence and giving over your virginity in that frame of mind is not a good idea in slightest.I suggest some classes for confidence building for yourself also then you will be able to pick out a more stable man for a boyfriend.

LegacyUser

OP, believe me when I say NOBODY makes as big a deal out of their virginity than the person who is yet to lose it. Most people couldn't care less if someone is a virgin or not- so don't worry about people thinking it's strange.

As regards wondering if you're missing out- I suppose that depends on how important sex is in your life. I've only ever slept with one person, the man I'm going out with now. I'm 27 now and I was 25 the first time we slept together. Granted, my first time was crap, mostly cos I didn't have a clue what I was doing, but I have NEVER regretted waiting.

You can only do what feels right for you- but I do think sleeping with someone just to lose your virginity is a pity when you're only 22 and could yet meet someone wonderful that you'll be glad to sleep with for your first time. Good luck with whatever decision you make.

LegacyUser

I was 24 when I first had sex. He was (still is!) the first serious boyfriend I had. The first time was a bit crap to be honest - but it gets better with practice!! Don't put yourself under too much pressure OP, if it feels right, then it's ok.

LegacyUser

Unregistered wrote: »

Can I ask you if your OH was a virgin at the time as well?

No he wasn't. In fact he had slept with a lot of women before me which I always thought if I ever met some-one who had been with a lot of girls I wouldn't be comfortable sleeping with them. Surprisingly it wasn't an issue at all (if anything I've reaped the benefit from all his experience!).
Why?