Virgin at 30 and fed up

LegacyUser

I am a 30 year old virgin. Not only have I never had sex with a girl, I have never even kissed a girl. 30 years on this planet without any intimacy of any kind.

Now, to get this "monkey off my back", I am thinking of visiting an escort. Here am I looking up escorts on the web to lose my virginity at 3 years of age, How sad is that! But what choice have I got? I want to feel what sex is like, I do not want to go through my whole life without being with a woman, even if its without the intimacy that an encounter with an escort brings. I have gone a long time without being with anyone, It doesnt look like "It will happen" as many might suggest. Not once in my entire life has a woman ever approached me.

I have serious moral concerns about visiting an escort but ehat can I do? As I explained above, I can see no other way :-(

Eun

What do you feel is the problem for this? Do you really feel you have to resort to a prostitute for fake intimacy? Tell me more, im listening

And dont worry, you have nothing to be embarrassed about!!

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

brazilicious

seriously.... i honestly dont think this is the way to go.... you say you have never been approached by a woman...do you approach women much?? and if the whole love and special intimacy thing isnt really an issue anymore, there are PLENTY of women who will just go for it, payment free... :P it would probably just eat into your self esteem and your wallet... is it really worth it??

gaeilgegrinds

Don't do this please. Sex without intimacy is not in anyway similar as sex with. And to have sex without intimacy your first time is not a good idea in my mind. Do you go out much?

tbh

I'd advise against this. Once you do it, you'll never, ever be able to undo it.

kmick

You have not given us much background on yourself so its hard to know how you are going to handle it. I think if you are expecting intimacy from a hooker you are going to be disapointed. Thats not their job. I dont want to start the whole join a club rant cause Im not sure that works for a lot of people but if I were you Id set yourself the goal of having a girlfriend within the next 12 months and then throw yourself into internet dating with abandon (following all the rules of caution that that entails). If at the end of 12 months you have nothing to show for it then by all means get the monkey off your back and have it over with.

LegacyUser

Can I just say that I wouldn't have the same moral dilemma about this as the other posters seem to be having!

Now don't get me wrong... actual physical stimulation is but one dimension of sex... as cited above there is a whole other emotional connection thing there if its with someone you love especially, and that can NEVER be bought.

But who here can say that the time they lost thier virginity was the best sex ever? Nobody I bet... the first time is more often than not really really crap and awkward... So what's wrong with paying a professional to do it right, and get it out of the way? You can always work towards the amazing spiritual experiences down the line.

But if you just want to know what 'gettin the ride' feels like, I say go for it. i TOTALLY would in your situation.

But I agree with the poster above who says that you should really look for the cause of your unhappiness, as oppose to just patching it up by having sex with hookers. I was a bit of a late bloomer myself in this department and let me tell you, it's NEVER too late.

What can happen is that you go for so long without anything that you just resign yourself to the fact that you will never get with anyone and it spirals downhill from there... a vicious cycle. But it's not too late to turn all that around.

Katgurl

oh dont' do it.

Hit the Net and advertise your dilemma & see how you get on.

LegacyUser

Its all very well everyone on here with sex lives telling you dont do it. Telling you it wont be perfect sex with someone you love and all that. But realistically many peoples first time is far from perfect.

I think people are forgetting you are 30 years on this planet with not so much as a kiss. That is heartbreaking, obviously you have tried everything, I think its heartless for people to tell you not to do this.

Prostitution is there for a reason, I am female, as far as I am concerned it is a neccessary thing. Its been around for ever and it always will be. Its not for OP to be worrying about the so called morals of the whole thing. He is only responsible for himself and the occasion he does go with someone. As long as he treats her respectfully, its no one elses business.

Do it, get that Monkey off your back, something has got to give and any sex is better than none. You can work on the other problems later, whatever is wrong that is causing you not to attract women.

An escort has already made her choice you are just another punter, so what.

Take control, get rid of that monkey.

tbh

Unregistered wrote: »

Its all very well everyone on here with sex lives telling you dont do it. Telling you it wont be perfect sex with someone you love and all that. But realistically many peoples first time is far from perfect.

I think people are forgetting you are 30 years on this planet with not so much as a kiss. That is heartbreaking, obviously you have tried everything, I think its heartless for people to tell you not to do this.

What's the big deal with a kiss? Is it the physical sensation of someone elses lips on yours? Or is the the understanding that the other person likes you as much as you like them, and are expressing it physically?

Prostitutes don't kiss for a reason - it's too intimate. More intimate than sex, as far as they are concerned. If you want your first experience to be souless, loveless and joyless, and are happy enough to to just feel the physical sensations in a clinical environment, then I agree with this poster, a prostitute is your best bet.

At least you can change your story from "I've never had sex" to "the only time I ever had sex I had to pay for it".

I'm not against ANYONE paying for sex, if that's what they want to do, but for a first time - the time you will compare all other experiences to - no thanks.

LegacyUser

tbh wrote: »

What's the big deal with a kiss? Is it the physical sensation of someone elses lips on yours? Or is the the understanding that the other person likes you as much as you like them, and are expressing it physically?

Its both and either. In the case of someone who has never been kissed Im sure any kiss would we welcome. A kiss might not be a big deal to you but if you never had one then it is a big deal.

tbh wrote: »

Prostitutes don't kiss for a reason - it's too intimate. More intimate than sex, as far as they are concerned. If you want your first experience to be souless, loveless and joyless, and are happy enough to to just feel the physical sensations in a clinical environment, then I agree with this poster, a prostitute is your best bet.

Thats a bit like saying to a suffering starving third world child, 'oh dont bother with that sachet of PlumpyNut, its not a real meal like a proper Sunday roast. Dont eat it and wait for the real thing, it will be much better'

Its true of course quality sex is the pinnacle but there are levels of experience right the way down. Its elitist to assume the OPs possible first experience will be joyless. He might not care that its soul-less, he may be more interested in getting his rocks off and that will be enough.

tbh wrote: »

At least you can change your story from "I've never had sex" to "the only time I ever had sex I had to pay for it".

Maybe OP doesn't see this as a 'story' that needs to be told and compared. Maybe he is a descreet private person who doesn't live to impress others with his stories.

tbh wrote: »

I'm not against ANYONE paying for sex, if that's what they want to do, but for a first time - the time you will compare all other experiences to - no thanks.

I certainly dont compare every time I have sex to the first time. I think you are projecting your own thought patterns onto OP. You have to remember everyone does not think alike. Move outside your own assumptions.

tbh

Unregistered wrote: »

Thats a bit like saying to a suffering starving third world child, 'oh dont bother with that sachet of PlumpyNut, its not a real meal like a proper Sunday roast. Dont eat it and wait for the real thing, it will be much better'

It's nothing alike, to be honest. The child will die if they don't eat whatever it is you said they didn't want to eat. The guy isn't going to get sex, he's going to masterbate on/in another person.

Its true of course quality sex is the pinnacle but there are levels of experience right the way down. Its elitist to assume the OPs possible first experience will be joyless. He might not care that its soul-less, he may be more interested in getting his rocks off and that will be enough.

well then he won't be too bothered about my opinion I hardly think it's elitist to think an encounter with a prostitute for your first experience would be joyless. I don't think it's a big deal that the OP hasn't had sex yet, but he sounds like it's getting him down. I don't think the solution to that is to pay someone to have sex with him, I think that'll make it worse.

Maybe OP doesn't see this as a 'story' that needs to be told and compared. Maybe he is a descreet private person who doesn't live to impress others with his stories.

I'm not referring to a story to be told to others. I'm talking about how he thinks of himself.

I certainly dont compare every time I have sex to the first time. I think you are projecting your own thought patterns onto OP. You have to remember everyone does not think alike. Move outside your own assumptions.

Fair point. The op, however, didn't ask me what he thought I would do if I were him. He asked what our opinions were of his idea. I've given mine.

just to remind you, when he refers to the monkey on his back, he's talking about the lack of intimacy in his life, not the lack of orgasms. I'm quite happy to accept that he may get an escort who gives him some form of intimacy, but I'd say the odds are long, and if the experience is not what the OP had hoped for, it could affect him adversely. imo, of course. Visiting an escort is treating the symptoms of the problem, not the problem itself.

LegacyUser

tbh wrote: »

It's nothing alike, to be honest. The child will die if they don't eat whatever it is you said they didn't want to eat. The guy isn't going to get sex, he's going to masterbate on/in another person.

The comparison is to show an experience does not have to be perfect to provide relief. Masturbating on/in another person as you put it will probably feel like heaven to the un-initiated. I dont think its right to rain on that parade.

tbh wrote: »

well then he won't be too bothered about my opinion I hardly think it's elitist to think an encounter with a prostitute for your first experience would be joyless.

It is. Its akin to 'let them eat cake'

tbh wrote: »

I don't think it's a big deal that the OP hasn't had sex yet, but he sounds like it's getting him down.

Well, I get that he does think it a big deal. Its not about us and what we feel its about him.

tbh wrote: »

I don't think the solution to that is to pay someone to have sex with him, I think that'll make it worse.

I dont, I think it will break the seal and get the ball rolling.

tbh wrote: »

I'm not referring to a story to be told to others. I'm talking about how he thinks of himself.

In his shoes I would say it would sit ok with him. Desperate times, desperate measures.

tbh wrote: »

Fair point. The op, however, didn't ask me what he thought I would do if I were him. He asked what our opinions were of his idea. I've given mine.

As it applies to YOU and your set of values, get into his set of circumstances.

panda100

tbh wrote: »

Prostitutes don't kiss for a reason - it's too intimate. More intimate than sex, as far as they are concerned. If you want your first experience to be souless, loveless and joyless, and are happy enough to to just feel the physical sensations in a clinical environment, then I agree with this poster, a prostitute is your best bet.
.

I think most escorts in Ireland do kiss. Most provide the GFE (Girl friend experience) which allows the client to be relaxed and feel like there with their 'girlfriend'. If you find the right escort then It doesnt have to be the cold, clinical transaction that you describe.

Though this goes against all my feminist principles, I would reccomend the op go to an escort. He doesnt have to sleep with her,in fact I would reccomend not sleeping with her. Escorts,legally anyway, are first and foremost about companionship rather than sex.

From the sound of your post you have zero confidence in yourself around women. You need that confidence lifted in you for you to realise that women can/will enjoy your company. However, you need to be more comfortable around women. Spending time with someone who will praise you ,as an escort will do, may help relax you around women. If at the end of the date you feel like kissing her then kiss her.It may boost your self esteem a bit.


Though If you have a very strong moral objection to escorting then I would say don't do it. Perhaps try internet dating?

tbh

Unregistered wrote: »

The comparison is to show an experience does not have to be perfect to provide relief. Masturbating on/in another person as you put it will probably feel like heaven to the un-initiated. I dont think its right to rain on that parade.

It'll feel the same as any other masturbation, imo. I think he'll regret it once it's done. You don't. Fair enough.

mawk

its funny, i remember back some years when i was in a similar position. not quite to your age, but still.. Sex had been built up to mountainous proportions in my head, I was so depressed at feeling left out.

But then it happens and its just "awesoome! ...eh... I need a shower"

now ive been through a collection of girlfriends and the full spectrum of intimacy, so really, even though youre a late starter, its certainly not too late to find something real.


Anywhom, I think that a gfe would be a dangerous place to start. for someone in a position like OP's. imagine how easy it would be to get stuck in a routine of doing that every week just for companionship.

id say, get a nice haircut, some good aftershave and spend a monday in copper face jacks, find a nice nurse and get the confidence boost. all you have to do is dance with some girls. as long as youre not stood at the side with a drink not moving then you will be fine. dont even have to be a good dancer.


alternatively, go internet dating. it can be very effective, and will at very least get you laid if thats all you want. finding love can be hard, but finding company is easy enough.

LegacyUser

Ok going unreg for this, and don't want to give to many details.
I was in a similar situation to your own and decided to go for it.

Bit of backround, at the age of 23 I was still a virgin and had properly kissed one girl, even that was quite a drunken thing and was a one night kiss in a night club.

Prior to that I had at the age of about 11 or 12 kissed one or two girls in games of dares/spin the bottle, and I'm just talking about a silly little peck.

The reason for this, I have very little self confidence and was never good with girls, they almost seem like a separate species to me and I just don't know how to interact with them well. Now I do have a number of friends who are girls but to be honest they are more friends by the situation, i.e. they're friends with my mates, than friends with me. So I can manage to hold down a conversation with a girl just no further.

Anyway, while on holidays one night after a drunk night out I decided I'd had enough, I was going to have sex even if it was with a prostitute. So I went to a brothel paid for it and had sex.
Do I regret it? No, I don't think I do, its not something I'm proud of or something I would tell anyone I know. However I can't deny I did enjoy the experience, consider it like a very good self service.

Now part of my reasoning for doing it was that once I got over that initail hurdle it would give me confidence and I'd be able to move on and get it myself.
Has this happened? Not really, that was well overa year ago now, and since then I've kissed two girls and in fact slept with one of them. I know this sounds like I may have managed to get over it but both these occasions were drunken one night things that i think would have happened none the less.

So to sum up and my advice, by all means go ahead with it, if you are going to, do it properly. Escort sounds like a good idea or possibly in a country where it is legal.
However, from my experience anyway, do not think that by having sex you will suddenly be scoring all the time, it may well give you certain ammount of confidence but you are still going to have to work hard. Also as other posters have mentioned it lacks intimacy. Sure I'd love to go out a end up sleeping with some girl this weekend but what I'm really looking for, as I guess you might be, is someone to have a relationship with and share intimate moments. And that over a year later I still haven't found.

One more thing, some posters hinted that this may become like an addiction which is bad, for me it hasn't anyway. I haven't really considered doing it again, although I'll admit I do regularly look at porn.

LegacyUser

"Are there appearance issues? Are you painfully shy? An awkward conversationalist? Figure out what the problem is, and address it. That's the best way forward for you."

All of these are issues for me. I am not good looking, I am painfully shy and am not the best talker.

“You need to get out there and meet someone who isn't just going to sleep with you for the money—who is going to do it because she is attracted to you, likes you, and wants to share intimacy with you. The experience will be so much more rewarding and gratifying.”

Yes, I am sure that this kind of experience would be much more rewarding. However , Can everybody find such an experience?

“you say you have never been approached by a woman...do you approach women much??”

No, I don’t approach women much


“Hit the Net and advertise your dilemma & see how you get on”

Like I am doing here???

"id say, get a nice haircut, some good aftershave and spend a monday in copper face jacks, find a nice nurse and get the confidence boost. all you have to do is dance with some girls. as long as youre not stood at the side with a drink not moving then you will be fine. dont even have to be a good dancer."

You make it sound so easy! The reality is different though!

LegacyUser

OP, you will have to decide for yourself if you still want to wait in hope for meeting the right person or just do it, know what the whole fuss is about.
My first time was also very late - I was 26 then. Since 25th birthday or so virginity became a burden and not a "treasure"(im female) and I just wanted to do it and get it over with. I was lucky as my bf became my fiance but at that time I didnt know that. I was more than happy that at last Im not a woman noone finds attractive enough to sleep with.
Being idealistic is nice but if you OP think you may not get a chance to find your other half, never experience your first time, then by all means do it.

LegacyUser

I lost my virginity to a prostitute at the age of 23, it was in Shanghai. Never even bothered asking her name. It was good.

Victor

Unregistered wrote: »

I lost my virginity to a prostitute at the age of 23, it was in Shanghai.

Not to everyone's tastes, has separate health and social issues and most people would prefer to at least like the person they lose their virginity to.

Wagon

FedUp1 wrote: »

I have serious moral concerns about visiting an escort but ehat can I do? As I explained above, I can see no other way :-(

Don't do it then. If you have moral concerns about it then don't force yourself to do it just for a sake of it. If you didn't have those concerns though, id say go for it.

What about when you were younger? Did you approach many women then?

BumbleB

mawk wrote: »

i
id say, get a nice haircut, some good aftershave and spend a monday in copper face jacks, find a nice nurse and get the confidence boost. all you have to do is dance with some girls. as long as youre not stood at the side with a drink not moving then you will be fine. dont even have to be a good dancer.

Copper face jacks (cringe factor 10). Coppers is a waste of time ,a real c**k fest .Best off going into early in the week .Go to some of the pubs in temple bar which usually have tourists . Foreign girls especially Yanks are mad to shag irish guys this time of year.I know because I've been propositioned loads of times this year.

liah

I agree with the people who are saying go for it.

Yeah, you lose that "click" you'd get with some people, but in essence it's just a one night stand, or at least the same effect. I've had a few drunken snogs with strangers that I enjoyed, just because I like kissing, and a few one night stands, just because I like sex. I don't regret those, they were fun.

I think people are forgetting the fact that to a virgin it kind of doesn't matter all that much at the exact moment of the kiss or shag that it's not with someone he's in love with. He's still going to get butterflies in either situation, whether out of love or sheer nervousness, and it's still going to be a unique experience for him. Either situation he's going to be scared out of his wits. Perhaps moreso if it was a girlfriend, he'd have the performance thing hanging over his head, pressure is never good.

If he does go to an escort and gets a GFE at least it's with a girl who's had experience with this kind of thing. She'll know how to put him at ease and she shouldn't make him feel like a sleazebag if she's good at what she does.

I don't see a problem with it tbh. It's easy for people to say "don't do it" when they've been knocking boots for awhile. Not so easy to say when you're in the same boat.

Wagon

liah wrote: »

I don't see a problem with it tbh. It's easy for people to say "don't do it" when they've been knocking boots for awhile. Not so easy to say when you're in the same boat.

I agree completely. again, i dont see any problem with it but he said he has serious moral issues with it, so i dont think he's exactly pushed about it himself. So i dont think it's the answer.

Joey the lips

donegalfella wrote: »

This post has been deleted.

I agree NSA sex sounds apealing but not for this reason.