Slept with an ex workmate ... or so I thought

LegacyUser

Bit of background first - I have always lived by the rule "don't sleep with anyone you work with because you have to face them the next day at work" - I broke my own rule on Saturday, well kind of.

I was made redundant in January of this year and have been out of work since, Saturday night i went out, had a fantastic night, caught up with old work colleagues and ended up going home with one, and we slept together.Sunday when i woke up i felt fine - it was the first time i had seen him since i finished work and it would probably be another 6 months before i see him again.

Yesterday morning i got a phone call offering me my old job back i jumped at the chance (because im not stupid) and i start back in 4 weeks. I loved my job.

Now today, im dredding going back. I haven't spoken to him since Saturday, and i think its very unlikely he would spread it around. My fear is it will get out, its a bit of a gossip central. My problem is my job will involve me working directly with him and we will be in the same office, just a few desks away. I have already told a friend at work everything and her advice has been ignore him.

What do i do the first day i go back?
Do i mention it?
Do i ignore him?
Do i act friendly (i don't want a relationship and don't want to give wrong impression)?
Should i wait for him to make the first move?

puglover

I would just act completely normal and don't let it bother you.

You're two consenting adults who slept together, no biggy. You're putting way too much thought into this.

Congrats on the job & good luck

LegacyUser

If it was me in that situation I would treat him the same as everyone else in the workplace.. ( i know this is going to be hard and ul be trembling inside), Do not be more friendlier to him than you are to anyone else as he may think you have interest in him, and if you ignore him, it is obvious to him that you have a problem with sleeping with him and this could result in an issue being made out of it(people will also wonder why ye are not speaking)... I would not mention it at all and in the event that he mentions it i would just make sure he knew that it was a once off,, be friendly and professional, and when working closely make sure its not too closely or become dependant on him - this may also lead him to think you have interest,,, chances are he will be as nervous as you, so just try and avoid tension at any cost,,,

LegacyUser

How about e-mailing him before you start to say you presume he's heard you're returning to work and that as far as you're concerned your night together wont make any difference to your working relationship and you hope he feels the same. This will get it out of the way before you get into the office.

Munster_Gal

I wouldn't treat him any different to how you normally would. You're both adults. Any awkwardness will pass after a few days.

You'll be grand

happyfriday

Oh goodness who could ever see that coming, it really is Murphy's law isn't it??

I agree with the above posters, just act as normal as you can. As if nothing ever happened. Don't bring it up unless he does and if he does just explain that when it happened you never thought that you would be working together again and that you'd prefer to just have a professional relationship. And if other people bring it up and slag you off about it I find the best way to deal with these things is to say nothing and laugh it off, people soon get bored when they don't get a reaction.

But I wouldn't wind yourself up about it to much and congrats on getting your job back!!

VaioCruiser

Work problem wrote: »

Bit of background first - I have always lived by the rule "don't sleep with anyone you work with because you have to face them the next day at work" - I broke my own rule on Saturday, well kind of.

I was made redundant in January of this year and have been out of work since, Saturday night i went out, had a fantastic night, caught up with old work colleagues and ended up going home with one, and we slept together.Sunday when i woke up i felt fine - it was the first time i had seen him since i finished work and it would probably be another 6 months before i see him again.

Yesterday morning i got a phone call offering me my old job back i jumped at the chance (because im not stupid) and i start back in 4 weeks. I loved my job.

Now today, im dredding going back. I haven't spoken to him since Saturday, and i think its very unlikely he would spread it around. My fear is it will get out, its a bit of a gossip central. My problem is my job will involve me working directly with him and we will be in the same office, just a few desks away. I have already told a friend at work everything and her advice has been ignore him.

What do i do the first day i go back?
Do i mention it?
Do i ignore him?
Do i act friendly (i don't want a relationship and don't want to give wrong impression)?
Should i wait for him to make the first move?

Hey ! you have abs nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. If you don't want a relationship then just walk proud and act as if nothing happened. It has abs nothing to do with work and he has no business making it an issue.

All the best !

WIZE

Work problem wrote: »

Bit of background first - I have always lived by the rule "don't sleep with anyone you work with because you have to face them the next day at work" - I broke my own rule on Saturday, well kind of.

I was made redundant in January of this year and have been out of work since, Saturday night i went out, had a fantastic night, caught up with old work colleagues and ended up going home with one, and we slept together.Sunday when i woke up i felt fine - it was the first time i had seen him since i finished work and it would probably be another 6 months before i see him again.

Yesterday morning i got a phone call offering me my old job back i jumped at the chance (because im not stupid) and i start back in 4 weeks. I loved my job.

Now today, im dredding going back. I haven't spoken to him since Saturday, and i think its very unlikely he would spread it around. My fear is it will get out, its a bit of a gossip central. My problem is my job will involve me working directly with him and we will be in the same office, just a few desks away. I have already told a friend at work everything and her advice has been ignore him.

What do i do the first day i go back?
Do i mention it?
Do i ignore him?
Do i act friendly (i don't want a relationship and don't want to give wrong impression)?
Should i wait for him to make the first move?

But your the one who is spreading the Gossip. Maybe hes the one who is hoping that you keep quite. Did you ever take time to think of this ?

LegacyUser

BVB wrote: »

But your the one who is spreading the Gossip. Maybe hes the one who is hoping that you keep quite. Did you ever take time to think of this ?

OP here, when i said i told her what i didn't make clear was that she was actually on the night out and was among a group of people that went back after the club, so she knew it happened without me telling her (obv. he knows she knows) - i just asked her for advice given i got my job back, i wasnt trying to spread gossip.

Taltos

OK so the deed is done and you have talked to another work mate who is there.

From this point out - stum...
Say nothing to no-one - anyone rises you - "so what".
Just treat him the rest as the others in the office and they will soon get bored.

ie - it is only a big deal if you make it a big deal....

Big congrats on the job

Rb

Maybe you got your job back because you slept with him?

Wibbs

Rb helpful posts only please.

orourkeda

These things have an unfortunate habit of becoming common knowledge no matter how much of a secret you try to make of it. I hope for your sake it doesnt become an issue between you. Although as someone mentioned earlier it is a matter between you two it isnt always seen in such a light by other people.

Front

Work problem wrote: »

Bit of background first - I have always lived by the rule "don't sleep with anyone you work with because you have to face them the next day at work" - I broke my own rule on Saturday, well kind of.

I was made redundant in January of this year and have been out of work since, Saturday night i went out, had a fantastic night, caught up with old work colleagues and ended up going home with one, and we slept together.Sunday when i woke up i felt fine - it was the first time i had seen him since i finished work and it would probably be another 6 months before i see him again.

Yesterday morning i got a phone call offering me my old job back i jumped at the chance (because im not stupid) and i start back in 4 weeks. I loved my job.

Now today, im dredding going back. I haven't spoken to him since Saturday, and i think its very unlikely he would spread it around. My fear is it will get out, its a bit of a gossip central. My problem is my job will involve me working directly with him and we will be in the same office, just a few desks away. I have already told a friend at work everything and her advice has been ignore him.

What do i do the first day i go back?
Do i mention it?
Do i ignore him?
Do i act friendly (i don't want a relationship and don't want to give wrong impression)?
Should i wait for him to make the first move?

Is he the type to be a d1ck about it? as in make it tough for you. How well do you know him? Could you not just ring him for a chat, tell him you've got your job back and pass some semi humerous remark about the night in question - get it out in the open and leave it behind?

I think you can assume that if he has a laddish relationship with his male colleagues then he will have told them he slept with you - you were the girl that used to work there who he just had sex with - no reason not to from his POV. I mean that with all respect, just giving it to you from a lads perspective. We tell our friends when we shag girls - and we have big sh!t eating grins on our faces

LegacyUser

don't email him.....most offices monitor their email, plus if he feels rejected he could simply forward your email to all the lads to prove he's actually scored with you. My advice is to be just normal, I bet you're not the first couple to have slept together in that office.