Interested in Ex's best friend

LegacyUser

I broke up with a girl after a short relationship (few weeks) not too long ago. I'd been attracted to her best friend since before our relationship but figured that wouldn't be important and would be forgotten. We're now broken up (by me (and not because I wanted to get with her best friend)) and we are remaining friends, though this is hard for her. I'm doing my best to be supportive and to give her time when she needs it - trying to take responsibility for the hurt which I've caused her.

However, my feelings for her best friend have gotten much stronger lately. I'm dying to at least let her know what my feelings for her are. Unfortunately I'm certain that, at least at this stage, this would be far too hurtful for my ex.

So my question is, will it ever be okay to express my feelings to this girl? I'd wait a year if I must.

Thank you!

HalloweenJack

How serious was the relationship with your ex (you said yourself it was short)?

Imo, if it wasn't serious, then you shouldn't feel guilty about it being "too soon" to approach her friend. With all dues respect, simply telling the friend you like her doesn't necessarily mean you'll end up going out with her.

LegacyUser

Well we had been friends for a while beforehand so things took off quite quickly... So i'd say quite serious.

You're reply is exactly what I want to hear, but I certainly won't make any move for quite a while. She's still very upset and it'd be cruel to flaunt a relationship with her best friend in front of her.

However, I think you are right in saying that telling the friend I like her will not nessecarily instigate a relationship, and there are a number of other favourable outcomes possible.

Thanks for your reply!

prinz

howlongifever? wrote: »

However, I think you are right in saying that telling the friend I like her will not nessecarily instigate a relationship, and there are a number of other favourable outcomes possible.

tbh I'd say the chances are very, very, very slim. There are also non favourable outcomes like being knocked back and having a detrimental effect on her relationship with her friend/your ex. Move on to someone else IMO.

Sinall

Regardless of how you feel about this girl, she may not feel that she can be with you due to the fact that you dated her best friend. She might not be willing to risk that relationship.

If you want to tell her how you feel, I would advise waiting another while anyway. But be realistic in your expectations!

happyfriday

I'm not sure this is a good idea at all, I think it will end up causing hurt to everyone involved and putting your exgirlfriends friend in an awful position. If you approach her friend it's more than possible that she will feel she has to say something about it to your ex. For now I would steer clear maybe very far down the line like when your ex meets someone else and seems happy, but I really think this could end up being very messy if you make a move in the near future. I know it's really not what you want to hear but I can just see so many hurdles!!!

LegacyUser

Thank you for your replies!

I agree with what all of you are saying. Trying anything in the near future is a definite no-no. Also, if she is trying to overcome her feelings for me while remaining friends, the least I can do is to do the same for the other girl - I'll try to move on too...

Still, if it's still there a good bit down the line and circumstances seems a bit favourable I may give it a go...