Don't know what to do about OH

moproblems

I need some advice please I don't know what I'm doing. I've been with my OH for 8 years and we both have a child each from previous relationships we split up briefly about a year and a half ago as I had enough of how he was treating me (badly) and we were arguing all the time. We decided to get back together and give it a proper shot and we even got engaged but have not yet set a date, we are also looking to buy a house and have gone for a mortgage which we were approved for. That's the boring background out of the way now the problem.

I think he has a problem with drink in that he gets pissed beyond control and has embarrased me at friends weddings, come home drunk and puked everywhere all cos he can't control himself when he's drinking.

Last night took the biscuit though, he went out with a few of his mates for Fathers Day and rolled in about 3am locked out of his head, didn't know his own name STANK like pure alcohol so I directed him towards the sitting room and he collapsed in a heap on the couch, I thought feck him he can stay there till the morning, next of all I hear him getting sick all over the couch and the floor. I'm just livid, my daughter was asleep in her room and heard everything he was moaning and groaning and puking all night. This is not the kind of example or role model I want for my daughter. Neither of us got any sleep at all last night and she asked me this morning what happened and why was he like that, I'm just sick at the thoughts of it. His son doesn't live with us but if he did I don't know if he'd subject him to that.

I am like a zombie now I'm so tired and just want to sleep but my house is covered in sick so I rang in sick to work and booked into a hotel to try get some rest and peace but I can't I know he'll ring me later when he's sober all apologies but he spoke to me like **** last night as well and I just can't go getting myself into a commitment with him when he's like this. He doesn't think he has a drink problem and after growing up with an alcoholic parent I cannot put myself and my child through this again. What in god's name am I going to do?

Sorry it's been so long, thanks for reading

snowy2008

you need to get rid of him, you were good enough to take you back now he thinks he can just go back to his old ways?! your daughter is priority here, his behavious is not acceptable, you deserve alot better, you know that dont you?

LegacyUser

Oh my god, OP! I can't believe your story. And not only is behaving in this disgraceful way, he is doing it with your young daughter living in the house.

You need to tell him that you're not coming back into the house until every trace of sick and smell is cleaned up. And you also need to tell him that this behaviour is intolerable -- if he is going to be a husband and a father he can't go on acting like he's just one of the lads. It's time for him to grow up and start meeting his responsibilities like a man.

You need to lay down the law here. If he can't grow up and stop drinking - make him go to AA if necessary - there will be no house, no wedding, and no future for him and you.

VaioCruiser

I am really sorry you have experienced this terrible spin off from alcohol abuse. Alcohol abuse is a destructive and insidious thing that destroys relationship, damages children and doesn't just stop after one or two episodes sadly. It almost always gets worse and worse and worse.

It would seem to me that the situation requires drastic action before this happens, and it will happen. I feel very much for the kids, especially for his one if you don't mind me saying so...

All the best.

Oh The Humanity

Why are you marrying this .......loser?

He treated you badly so you split up. You don't say why you got back together?

He is still treating you like sh1t, talks to you like sh1t, yet you are getting a mortgage and planning to commit to him with marriage?

Why?

He is an alco, it doesn't matter that he doesn't realise it. He's not your problem. You can't fix it.

If you do stay with him, this is what its going to be like, for years. For ever.

I advise you to dis-engage yourself and boot out the loser.

moproblems

Thanks guys, in my heart of hearts I know what he's done is unforgivable. I'm scared of the consequences of marrying him and being trapped owning a house with him. If I'm going to get out now's the time because I know it would be a hard life with him. The think is he has tried a lot since we split up, we went to counselling together and everything, it sorted out a lot for us and I thought we were on the right track but obviously not. He really could do with going to counselling himself.

Something in my head just keeps screaming "you were subjected to an out of control alcholic who didn't care for you when you were young, why let the rest of your live be just the same when you have a choice" I also feel like I'd be failing my daughter if I stayed with him. But (and here comes the cliche I suppose) I do love him, it's the same old story when things are good, they're good.

I can't talk to anyone about this and I'm just stuck in this hotel room when I should be in my home, going to my job and having myself and my daughter going about our daily business

To the poster who asked if I know I deserve better, I'm scared I'll never get it.

snowy2008

you have to kiss alot of frogs before you get your prince, and he kinda sounds like the pond scum those frogs eat so yes, you can do better and you can take this problem and turn it around into an opportunity so treat yourself better, give yourself some over due respect and kick him to the curb, yes you can!

snowy2008

also, there are tons of really fantastic guys out there, just put that loser down as experience, you'll meet someone when you least expect it

LegacyUser

Was in the same situation myself, we broke up, he promised he'd changed, i took him back, things went back to the way they were with him drinking and treating me like sh1t, now six months since I walked away, thanks to a great bunch of friends and my family can honestly say even if I don't meet my prince charming I'm still better off without him in my life.


You will come out the other side just leave him and his problem behind it's his problem not yours if he wants to quit the drink he's got to admit he has a problem himself and get himself help, there is nothin you can do even dragging him to AA meetings won't help untill he admits he has the problem.

There is light at the end of the tunnel just surround yourself with people you love and care about and you'll get through it. I did

Nevyn

What supports do you have now?
Really you are are dead right to not want to live that way or subject a child to trying to grow up in such an enviroment. It is not your job ot fix him or be the impedious or prize for him if he does.

http://www.al-anon-ireland.org/meetings.htm

Get yourself some help and support and keep him away from you while he is toxic you need to be strong for yourself and your child and you can't be if he is draining you mentally, emotionally and the stress is draining you physically.

LegacyUser

you are so right not to put up with this behaviour, his drinking needs to be given up or seriously toned down, there is no way you should get married or buy a house with this guy especially with his behaviour, you need to seriously put your foot down here and make it crystal clear that he changes his way or its over... your child cannot be subjected to this kind of behavour,, I would also make an issue of the way he spoke to you - WTF? who does he think he is, falling in the door at that hour and throwing foul comments,,, Leaving him would be the best option however if giving him a chance make sure he's well aware that it is his last, if he does this again you know he does not respect you,,,