Whats going on?

LegacyUser

Hey everyone, Bit of confusion here. K my girlfriend has jus returned from a 2 day girls holiday, while there she text me to let me no how things wer going. then she said they wer drinkin and playin truth and dares . there was only the 4 girls like but the entire game was in a sexual direction wit lots of sexual questions and touchin and kissing. i have no problem with the whole truth or dare game but it kind of weirded me ou the way my gf participated in all the events. after the game finished and that they went ou and after when they went back to there vacation home my gf and one other girl ended up sleepin in the same bed? she didn elaborate if anything happened when i asked but jus dismissed the question with a laugh. and when i told her i was weirded ou ove the hole female on female kissing she apologised for makin me feel weird and that was it.then she made sure she told me it didn give me permission to kiss any oder girls. then on returnin home i was speakin to her on the fone and she was literally jumpin down my troath being extremely moody wit me and now isn speaking to me...i dont know wat to tink...did they sleep wit each oder and is she now confused and takin it ou on me or wats going on at all....anyone got any advice....?? however i dont tink jus talkin to her will do any good as she aint one for openin up...??

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

Hey everyone, Bit of confusion here. K my girlfriend has jus returned from a 2 day girls holiday, while there she text me to let me no how things wer going. then she said they wer drinkin and playin truth and dares . there was only the 4 girls like but the entire game was in a sexual direction wit lots of sexual questions and touchin and kissing. i have no problem with the whole truth or dare game but it kind of weirded me ou the way my gf participated in all the events. after the game finished and that they went ou and after when they went back to there vacation home my gf and one other girl ended up sleepin in the same bed? she didn elaborate if anything happened when i asked but jus dismissed the question with a laugh. and when i told her i was weirded ou ove the hole female on female kissing she apologised for makin me feel weird and that was it.then she made sure she told me it didn give me permission to kiss any oder girls. then on returnin home i was speakin to her on the fone and she was literally jumpin down my troath being extremely moody wit me and now isn speaking to me...i dont know wat to tink...did they sleep wit each oder and is she now confused and takin it ou on me or wats going on at all....anyone got any advice....?? however i dont tink jus talkin to her will do any good as she aint one for openin up...??

So being her boyfriend gives you right to control her to the extent that she can't have fun with her friends and have a crazy week away on holiday with them, and maybe sleep in the same bed ? which is almost de rigeur for girlfriends anyway ? I think she was very generous to apologise. You need to step back and contemplate on what it is that makes you feel such ownership toward a girl you date.
Sorry to be so tough - but this is a very controlling habit you might be getting into.

All the best.

Liam Byrne

Unregistered wrote: »

i told her i was weirded ou ove the hole female on female kissing

then she made sure she told me it didn give me permission to kiss any oder girls.

Like with like, anyone ? It might give you permission to kiss other guys while on hols, but not girls......

Girls are different; and while the whole pseudo-lesbian rubbish is fashionable, there's no indication that she did anything particularly "wrong".

If she's gay or bi, then maybe you've a right to be confused, but otherwise try to lighten up and not be so controlling.

me_right_one

Whats all this about controlling? The lad is just asking if his GF's narkiness towards him has anything to do with the lesbian antics the week before.

Liam Byrne

me_right_one wrote: »

Whats all this about controlling? The lad is just asking if his GF's narkiness towards him has anything to do with the lesbian antics the week before.

"lesbian antics" ? :rolleyes:

And the narkiness might depend on how much he went on about it, given that it "weirded him out".

Like I said, unless she's actually gay or bi, I don't think there's an issue, and if it were my g/f, I'd prefer her to be messing around on hols with her female friends than heading off with a guy......

Zaph

OP, if you're going to reply to any posts in this thread please drop the text speak as it's not permitted in PI/I.

Thanks.

VaioCruiser

me_right_one wrote: »

Whats all this about controlling? The lad is just asking if his GF's narkiness towards him has anything to do with the lesbian antics the week before.

Reading all of things that "weirded him out".... I beg to disagree.

me_right_one

Liam Byrne wrote: »

"lesbian antics" ? :rolleyes:

And the narkiness might depend on how much he went on about it, given that it "weirded him out".

Like I said, unless she's actually gay or bi, I don't think there's an issue, and if it were my g/f, I'd prefer her to be messing around on hols with her female friends than heading off with a guy......

Eh, yea. Girls kissing girls is lesbian. And she was the one going on about it, she texted him and told him. He has every right to feel wierded out. Up until that point in his life, he thought his GF was straight. Now he finds out he's dating someone he thought he knew, but doesn't. AND she cheated on him!

Anyway, back o/t. Is there a link between her narkiness and the fact that she had a lesbian experience while being with the OP? Maybe there is, maybe there's not. She could just be having a bad week, back to the grindstone after holidays and all that. There's nothing "controlling" in any of this.

Liam Byrne

Sorry ?

Unregistered wrote: »

i have no problem with the whole truth or dare game but it kind of weirded me ou the way my gf participated in all the events.

The whole point of "truth or dare" is that you participate in all the events! I don't like it, but the OP says he has no problem with it.

OK, maybe the game got a bit racy, but the game was played and then it was over.

Unregistered wrote: »

after the game finished and that they went ou and after when they went back to there vacation home my gf and one other girl ended up sleepin in the same bed?

Which would / could have happened REGARDLESS of the game....or if it was the sleeping arrangements, it would have been weirder if it HADN'T happened, because it would have implied that there was an ACTUAL undercurrent to the "game".

Unregistered wrote: »

she didn elaborate if anything happened when i asked but jus dismissed the question with a laugh.

Why ask ? THAT'S the controlling bit !

Unregistered wrote: »

and when i told her i was weirded ou ove the hole female on female kissing she apologised for makin me feel weird and that was it.

Note that she apologised for how it made the OP feel, not for "what happened", because she had no reason to as far as I can see. Fair play to her for apologising.

But if he went on about it I can see how she'd get annoyed. Having someone assume that something happened when it didn't is VERY irritating. And if you can't reassure them and they keep going on about it - after you've already apologised to making them feel bad - then you're going to get narky!

LegacyUser

Right from a girls view - Just because she kissed a girl NOTE in a game of truth or dare! Does not mean she has turned lesbian. it was a dare. deal with it. it was a girls holiday. deal with it. She slept in a bed with another girl - again does not mean anything happend - does not mean she is lesbian-deal with it.
Im sorry for been a harsh bit*h but come on like, it was a girls holiday, there was drink involved and a game of truth or dare.
I slept in a bed with a girl last weekend - i was on a weekend away and drunk - nothing happened - and my boyfriend was very turned on when i told him. he knows im 110% faithful and trusts me 110% he knows at the end of the day the only one i want to be with his him.

I think your girlfriend feels like you dont trust her. Wouldnt blame her.

star.chaser

Unregistered wrote: »

whats going on?

It's called life!

wicklowgal

I sleep in the same bed as my girlfriend's all the time and I'm not gay. It saves 1 of us from sleepin on the floor! You're gonna need to ask your girlf if she's bi though, because obviously I don't know her personally. If she is bi, then that's a whole different ball game!

However, I do know how your girlf feels. I had the whole 'what would you do if I kissed a girl' conversation with my boyf and he said he'd be disgusted and would consider it cheating. Luckily for him I've no intention of kissing any girls, even for a dare. We've agreed to disagree on this topic because IMPO, kissing your g/fs for a dare is just a bit of crack.

LegacyUser

OP, I am a girl and I have played truth or dare like this with girlfriends. And yes, kissing, flashing boobs and stuff like that was all just part of the fun, esp. after everybody's had a few drinks. I think you're going over the top when you say she "cheated" on you. And in case you don't know, most girls are completely ok with sharing beds with other girls. If there aren't enough beds to go round, girls will just double up without thinking too much about it. Guys are just weird about stuff like that and would rather sleep on the floor than be in bed with another guy. So.... I think you completely have the wrong end of the stick here. Cut your gf some slack.

LegacyUser

don't know, i disagree with most of ye here.. some people might not mind their other half gettin it on with others for the laugh but if hes not alright with it, its not controlling, hes right to ask if anything happened in bed with her friend after.. personally it wouldnt bother me, but she still cheated with someone, even if it was for the laugh.. cant see how its controlling, she admitted to being with someone else and hes asking questions about it...

Terodil

If they played a game or not has absolutely no bearing on how the OP should consider the fact that they kissed. The game is not an excuse, it's not something that makes you do things you don't want to do.

Now if the bf feels a bit taken aback/uncomfortable by the kiss, then I can understand him. I would be slightly disturbed as well. You don't just go around kissing other people on the mouth or sleeping in their beds if you are in a fixed relationship.

This may be a special case if those girls were long-standing best friends but the OP doesn't indicate this was so. It could have been just acquaintances for all we know.

I honestly don't see where all the judgmentalism comes from in this thread.

OP: If you feel uncomfortable with her kissing strangers then it's something that you should discuss with her. If she doesn't want to discuss then it's up to you two to make a decision.

messygirl

the way i see it kissing another PERSON is cheating, if i was playing truth or dare and i was asked to kiss a guy i would just say sorry i have a boyf, same with a girl, sexual experiences with another person is cheating, simple as, he has a right to ask her if she had a lesbian fling when sleeping in the same bed, no offence but i think she doesnt want to admit that what she did was cheating but it was, if my boyfriend kissed another bloke and then fooled around with him i would seriously be annoyed and definately think it would mean the end, some (not all) women just seem to think that because its a stereotypical male fantasy of two women then its ok to kiss other girls, peck on the lips forgive, tongue is cheating and you need to decide what you want to do now, women do sleep in the same bed as other women, but if its after kissing them and then going out and being flirty and drunk then of course she should tell him if things went further,

LauraLoo

its up to you, OP, to let her know that you dont feel comfortable kissing other people- even if its just a bit of fun on a girly weekend. TBH she probobly thought it would turn you on and exaggerated what really happened. Her roommate was probobly texting her BF and getting a good response and maybe she thought you would be up for it.

BTY girls sleep with girls all the time- nothing sexual- we just end up in bed together.

messygirl

sorry should have added that, ive slept with girls (and guys for that matter) where nothing has happened, and sleeping with a firl doesnt mean she is going to fool around, i just think its not fair she wont answer the question

sounds like she loves you,it could be she got caught up in a game and didnt realise it might be viewed as cheating because all her friends were doing the same, and is annoyed and upset that you think she did,

LegacyUser

(Guy here by the way) In my opinion if she had slept in the bed with a guy, it would definately raise a warning flag. Even if she claimed to have done nothing with a guy, it would still be majorly disrespectful, and would signal end of relationship. The fact that its a girl means you can't just jump to conclsuions. As many have said, its common for girl - friends to share beds and may mean nothing except they were both drunk and preferred the bed to crashing on the floor. As someone else said, I think she may have been trying to excite you by exaggerating, thats just my opinion however. You need to get this stuff out in the open. If you can't discuss with her (and vica versa of course) this issue and come to an explanation where you feel happy (rather than just swallowing your pride and ignoring it), then you need to question if its worth being together in the first place. I wouldn't get too caught up reading here though, the more people respond, the more different scenarios spawn in your head. Just talk with her where you can both be alone. Over a drink or something at home if that makes you more comfortable, but no more than one!

reprazant

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Why ask ? THAT'S the controlling bit !

Seriously?

You think that asking if something happened is controlling?

me_right_one

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Sorry ?

What are you sorry for?

Liam Byrne wrote: »

The whole point of "truth or dare" is that you participate in all the events!

The whole point of being in a relationship is that you dont cheat! Kissing someone else is cheating!

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Why ask ? THAT'S the controlling bit !

The lad has every right to ask! Anyway, she volunteered the information to him first, its not like he was forcing a confession out of her!

Liam Byrne wrote: »

Note that she apologised for how it made the OP feel, not for "what happened", because she had no reason to as far as I can see. Fair play to her for apologising.

So if your wife/GF admitted to you out-of-the-blue, that she kissed another woman, and you said you felt hurt by that, everything would be grand as long as she apologised for making you feel that way, not for "what happened"? Fair play to you both!:rolleyes:

me_right_one

reprazant wrote: »

Seriously?

You think that asking if something happened is controlling?

+1. FFs

eleven

I think the varied tone of reply's is a symptom of the problem. Where people draw the line of monogamy is up to the individual... until you're in a relationship, then you have to agree with your partner.

To the OP's girlfriend kissing her girl-friends was a laugh and not serious.
To the OP, his girlfriend kissing someone else was never a consideration, and his reactionto this (psuedolesbian?) kiss is to regard it as strange, and he cannot understand her motives for doing so.

Personally, I'm a bit shocked that the OP's girlfriend and her friends were doing this...

I've kissed other girls when I was 18/19, single, unsure and open to all possibilies. Wasn't interested after all. Then a girl kissed me at a houseparty in front of my boyfriend a few years ago - the girl was messing around, it took me by suprise, I presume it was mostly to titilate the other boys... my boyfriend thought it was extremely sexy. I thought it was in jest, didn't mind the attention, it was out in the open and no harm was done.

However, I do not think that playing a sexual game in private with one or more people other than your OH - girls or boys, is acceptable within the bounds of a normal monogamous relationship. Fine if you've discussed it first, but generally if you're in a relationship with someone you don't kiss someone else. IMO that includes members of the opposite sex.

Liam Byrne

me_right_one wrote: »

What are you sorry for?

Nothing. You know well that "Sorry ?" is another way of saying "Excuse me ? " or "I can't believe what I'm hearing.

me_right_one wrote: »

The whole point of being in a relationship is that you dont cheat! Kissing someone else is cheating!

Depends on the context and the intention. To take your argument as stated, kissing your mum or friend or nephew would be cheating.

me_right_one wrote: »

The lad has every right to ask! Anyway, she volunteered the information to him first, its not like he was forcing a confession out of her!

She laughed it off and couldn't understand his reaction to it. And he kept being "weirded out". She's apologised for weirding him out.

me_right_one wrote: »

So if your wife/GF admitted to you out-of-the-blue, that she kissed another woman, and you said you felt hurt by that, everything would be grand as long as she apologised for making you feel that way, not for "what happened"?

Yup, but then I wouldn't go making assumptions that she was a lesbian based on that alone.

me_right_one wrote: »

Fair play to you both!:rolleyes:

Thanks!

LegacyUser

op here, thanks everyone for your replies, just a few thungs to clarify, i thought communication was key in a relationship so i said to my gf what i was feeling from her actions but only the once, i didnt badger her continuosly bout it. so all the people saying i was bein controlling are on the complete wrong track. i was simply jus trying to fully understand my gf of 3 years actions. and the whole bed situation wasnt to avoid sleepin on the floor as she had a double bed in the connecting room and i just wasnt sure why she didn sleep in that bed instead. but thank you for all your replies