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Advice needed

  • 21-06-2009 3:30pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Me and my boyfriend have being going out for two years now and pretty much everything is great we have the odd fight over silly stuff nothing major. But recently his sex drive has gone down (it was never that high in the first place) and we dont have sex as much as I would like - only once a week - I have a very high sex drive and everytime I make an advance and he says he is tired it feels like a rejection - we've talked and talked about and he just says his sex drive isnt as high as mine. So am I just to accept that and let him dictate when we have sex - or should there be more of a compromise?

    But now I'm starting to feel bitter I know this is wrong I can't force him to have sex and I don't want to, I just want him to want to - to want me. Now I'm starting to feel its just laziness - I even suggested that if he had it more often he would want it more often but all he says is maybe - we are too young to be stuck in a rut and but that's how I feel - like we are an old married couple - we dont live together and I see him 3 times a week.

    So what I'm asking is for some advice as how to encourage some more bedroom action. I don't want this to come between us but every month we have the same conversation. I get upset and cry and he gets annoyed that I am crying and don't believe him when he says he loves but he just doesnt want sex as much? Any advice would be great because I am exhausted trying to fix this!


Comments

  • #2
    Faith
    Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 30,661 Mod ✭✭✭✭Faith


    Have you tried just jumping on him? Or go down on him and take it from there. Maybe he is just really lazy and can't be bothered to get things going, but if you start doing things to him spontaneously, it might get him in the mood.


  • #3
    VaioCruiser
    Closed Accounts Posts: 750 ✭✭✭VaioCruiser


    Part of life and of pairing up with another human being is that it is very rare that two people have the same intensity of desire and need. Very rare, especially after a few years of marriage.
    The challenge for BOTH is to bend and to give and take to a point where both are happy.

    You need to get a bit of a grip and chose whether to accept him the way he is or not - while he needs to fess up and try to give a little to your needs.

    It has to be discussed. Where did I hear that before !? but there is no other way. Talk about it.

    Try to suss out what it is that might be holding him back ... is it you ? are you fighting too much ? have you hurt him ? (not implying you have!) Is he working very hard ? under a lot of stress at work ? is he generally tired and needs to have a check up in case there is a medical issue ? And you need to look at why your needs are so high and maybe ways that you can release them without creating such frustration.

    All the best !


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