So confused....

LegacyUser

I am 22 and have been with my boyfriend 3 years now! He is 26! Thing is....i really love him and the last 3 years have been amazing but ive suddenly realised how young i am and how serious the relationship is getting and i feel like im missing out on life!! But im scared of being without him! Hes been such a big part of my life that i cant imagine him not being in it! And no...i dont think we could just be friends!! I know it wouldnt work!! I just fear the relationship failing down the road and then regretting being in such a serious relationship, tying myself down to one person at such a young age!!!! help...

Kimia

Why don't you take a break for a while? Go away travelling or do something for yourself.

If you're feeling like this I don't think it will just go away. You will just frustrate yourself and could end up cheating.

How would you feel if you broke up? Or do you feel trapped and that you can't break up with him because he'd be devastated and you'd feel too guilty?

LegacyUser

i've been in a similar enough situation. i would definitely say take a break. for me, i didnt and i drove us apart and we're irreparable now.

take a break and see how you feel.

also remember how lucky you are to have that guy though if you love him so much; the grass isn't always greener on the other side and you could end up ruining something wonderful.

however, having said that the best thing you could probably do is take a break for a while and see how you feel... otherwise you may resent him when you're older or cause problems within the relationship.

aranrn

I think you should be straight with him and explain how you feel. He should understand the fact that you're a few years younger. He's probably more conscious of the age difference than you appreciate. A year apart (travelling or whatever) will either make or break you as a couple. In any event, it's worth considering.

VaioCruiser

Unregistered wrote: »

I am 22 and have been with my boyfriend 3 years now! He is 26! Thing is....i really love him and the last 3 years have been amazing but ive suddenly realised how young i am and how serious the relationship is getting and i feel like im missing out on life!! But im scared of being without him! Hes been such a big part of my life that i cant imagine him not being in it! And no...i dont think we could just be friends!! I know it wouldnt work!! I just fear the relationship failing down the road and then regretting being in such a serious relationship, tying myself down to one person at such a young age!!!! help...

I know exactly how you feel. It is so scary ... not knowing what the best thing to do is. You seem to be very afraid of this relationship failing ... are you saying that you already sense it is dying ?
The fear of being left alone is also a terrible one and I feel for you. I can only say that there is no gain without risk. There is no way to experience life and it's ups and downs, it's loves and it's ecstasy ... except to take a risk and accept that there will be period of being alone. But it won't be long and it's sometimes quite nice to be alone for a while and be empowered, and to enjoy our friends and family and independence.

Good luck !

LegacyUser

I'm in a very similar situation except we're both a few couple of years older than the OP and her bf and moved in together after a year. It's only my second relationship and although she's a great girl I'm starting to doubt how much I love her, or if I even have enough experience to know whether I do or not. Being a few years older she's a lot more sorted and experienced than me.

I find after being back together after only a little time apart (even only a weekend away) that she drives me crazy and I want to be left alone. I feel almost resentful towards her somehow and it makes me wonder how I'd feel after a week or a month apart. I almost wish there was a switch I could flip to make us friends and housemates but not lovers.

I feel awful about it because I do care about her but I think my feelings have been changing gradually whereas she seems to love me as much as ever. I think even asking for a break would really hurt her but I'm still too much of a coward and too afraid I'll ruin a good thing to do anything about how I feel

LegacyUser

OP i know the feeling! Im 23 and he's 29 and its my first serious relationship [2 years] had one before but it was nothing comparin to this. Same as yourself cant imagine not been with him he's my rock, best friend, lover everything love him to bits but lately things have just seemed to be getting a bit more serious and he's not messing about. He mentioned about kids there last month that he'd like 3. and that he could stay home and mind them while i kept my career going and stuff like that. We were out shopping the other day and he passed a remark about what type of bed would i like in the house [he's just about to by a site and build his own house] I was in a jewelers pickin up a fathers day gift last thursday and he was with me and he was looking at rings on the window and goes what do u think of them.
Went out the weekend with my girlfriends and i began to panic one of them asked me did i miss my single life and i actually began to panic-started seen a house,nappies, his jeep with baby seats in it, bottles, coming home to a family, materinty clothes-and realised god im not ready for this!!
Right now i love my shoes, handbags, dresses, dinners out, going on weekend away, the freedom of it all too much. I'm too young, but i know he's nearly 30 and wants to start a family soon.
So i had to talk to him-we talk about everything.
Told him about my panic attack and everything and just goes its ok id never pressure you, just want us to be happy we have loads of time.
BUT STILL!!! I love him to bits and will i regret not living my 20s to the full and commiting at such a young age.

turgon

I would be of the opinion that these feelings are partly concerned by the lack of a great relationship. I think if your relationships with your respective partners were rock solid you wouldn't be having these doubts. Because fundamentally, if your partner it perfectly suited to you then you will realise theres no better to be had.

Ive had these kind of doubts before but they've really disappeared with my current girlfriend because shes very perfect for me. So I tend to think dismissively of other girls because I can never imagine them being as good as she is. So maybe just have a good think about what your partners mean to ye, and if you could conceivably imagine better.

LegacyUser

I think there's a lot of truth in what you say Turgon. More and more I think that if our relationship was really right for me I wouldn't be having these thoughts or feelings at all, so that alone should be a sign that I need to do something about it. Unfortunately I can easily imagine there are many people who would make me feel better about myself and who would be better suited to me than my current gf. In fact in some ways I feel I would be better off and become a stronger person on my own at the moment after spending most of my adult life in this relationship.

It's telling her all this that is so hard, it feels so cruel and it is selfish, especially when she seems to have no idea that this is how I've been feeling. I'm thinking of sitting her down and talking about it and then suggesting a 2 week break apart so that I can sort out in that time whether I miss her or prefer being alone more. It would be so unfair on her though

thegame

same situation with my ex im 30 she is 23 we were together 4 and a half years we moved to the city and 6 months later she moved out in march and house shared with other girls she has a career and she said she feels like she has missed out and she is young,contacted her last week about us trying again and no Hope still..young people just break your heart as i still love her to bits.

LegacyUser

I do feel like i am in a great relationship would never consider leaving him or cheating on him couldnt hurt him love him way too much and would fall apart without him. everything with him is perfect.
Im just afraid when im 40 and look back that ill have regrets have read so many post on here about women who have done that and are now having affairs.
I would love to be the mother to his kids one day and have the whole American dream style family, but just not yet, sometimes id be afraid he wont be willing to wait another 8/9 years for when im ready.

LegacyUser

Exactly, at 25 I'm already worried that I've spent my early 20s settling down into a domesticated situation instead of travelling, getting to know myself etc. never mind how I might feel when I'm 40. I feel like I'm playing second fiddle to my more confident, stronger-opinionated gf and I'm never going to grow or become independant like this. Even small things are starting to get to me like always having to include someone else in decisions like when or what to have for dinner, or not being able to visit my family more than once a month without it being questioned and sulked over a bit.

And yet I can't let go of the fear that I might destroy a good relationship if I ask for a break etc.!