Boyfriend... Am I making a massive mistake?

LegacyUser · 19-06-2009 10:32pm #1

Hi everyone,
Stuck between a rock and a heartplace at the moment. I've beem seeing a wonderful man for the last nine months, been having a wonderful time together, been away for a week and got on great etc. We have a wonderful sex life and he's so caring and sensitive.
About a month after we met he confessed that he was just out of a serious relationship that had been going on for the best of ten years (I'm mid twenties, he's early 30s) which I had kind of guessed. I was sure pretty early on that he wasn't still in love with her and that it had been over for a long time. However it was a pretty nasty break up in the end and he was very badly hurt.
All was going well and we had a great time. However in the last few weeks there have been a few signs that he is really scarred by what happened with his ex. Again it's not that he misses her, he just hasn't dealt with what happened. We met on an internet dating site, he wasn't looking for anything serious (more like something quite casual and a few of them!!) but I ended up being the first person he met and we just clicked.
A few bits and pieces in the last few weeks have made me realise that he's really still hurt and we had a big barny last weekend and I ended it. He was in a total state about it but agrees that he does need to go to talk to someone to help him deal with the issues that have come out of his relationship with his ex.
He came over to talk last night and my head is now all over the shop. We still get on so well and I still love him, I know he loves me too but my head is telling me that we need to break up for a while to give him some space to deal with these issues. My heart is asking me why I'm putting us both through this because we both love each other, and I think he is getting help and we could possibly get through this....
He's in such a state (so am I!) but I don't know if I should take him back... I know he would come back in the morning. HELP!!

VaioCruiser · 19-06-2009 11:09pm

So you love him.. but you want him to go to someone else to heal. You love him but .... you don't want him until he isn't suffering the natural hurt of ending a long relationship anymore.

I'm sorry if I am a bit judgmental here .. but this just isn't my view of what love means.

If it all ends well and you marry him... how will you feel if you are hurting after some trauma happens to you ? ... and he says he wants to separate until you heal ... sends you back to your parents until you heal ?

Good luck

LegacyUser · 19-06-2009 11:21pm

I don't think he is really being fair to YOU pet.

LegacyUser · 20-06-2009 12:00am

I went thru a nasty break up and am now in a new relationship. MY OH is really nice and we get on great.

Here is the thing with our first arguments I was in an absolute heap and we almost split up.I was like a bunny starring into headlights and my emotions and reactions took over. We cuddled our way thru it and thankfully we didnt part.

Greatest time in my life now.

Little Miss Cutie · 20-06-2009 9:41am

OP, I was like your bf, was in a long-term relationship and he left one day, very sudden with no warning! (Not a great day!

)

Anyway was single for over a year, then met my bf. Even after 2yrs I still worry that he will leave when we have silly fights. The only way for us to work through my baggage is together.

If he had left me after a row due to my silly baggage I think I'd still have those issues. I am lucky then he can tell the real rows from the silly ones due to my mentalness.
Its up to you but I think the best to solve these things is together

Boyfriend... Am I making a massive mistake?

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