Heartbroken again

jenny4385

hey
is it actualky worth the effort anymore, i went out with someone for 4 years and for 90% of it we were happy and problem free, then we didnt deal with stuff well and broke up, got back together and then got dumped 4 days before christmas, we got back together there about 2 months ago and then he broke up with me out of the blue again. now he doesn even want to talk to me..... what have i done?? cos he wont tell me...
how can someone who tells you they love you, break up with you by text less than an hour later?
i feel like such an idiot for getting back together with him this time around, i feel so used right now like its just cos he was bored is what it feels like.
after 5 years how do you even start to figure out how to move on from someone who you still love and have been with throughout your entire college life - a time where your supposed to go out and make friends and meet all kinds of people....
you get to know this person inside out and think you know them so well and that you can tell them anything.
You become so close that you cant even believe that its possible to hurt eah other just by talking...... i dont even know who he is any more..
sorry im going on a bit now.. so i ll stop

Squor

Hey,

I was trying to figure which post to respond to, I think this one may be the better one!!!! Am just guessing, but is it cause your newly single and trying to find yourself and then everything bad is magnified. Well I will tell you my story......
I went out with a girl for 4 1/2 yrs, we were very much in love but in the last yr of the relationship we had problems and didnt address them. I reckon we both figured they would sort themselves out. 6 months before we broke up I told her she didnt love me anymore, she denied it, we broke up for a few hrs and txt and got back together. Went on. Never addressed the problems. 6 months later, and I knew it was coming, she said she didnt love me anymore and needed to find herself. Gotta great line, "your a great guy, the kind I cojuld spend the rest of my life with, but I need to see whats out there". She said it was over, she never wanted to see me or talk to me again. Tried calling, was blanked. After all that time, boy did that hurt. It was 6 yrs ago, havent been in a serious relationship since. But tried to focus on my career, and got reasonably successful at it, got my own place nd just worked on improving myself for me. Like a lot of what you said it unbelievable somebody could treat ya like that, and I have no doubt if that situation had of happened for me, I woulda went back and got my fingers burnt again, its only natural when your trying to find yourself...... In my first single days I kept busy, went out with mates, worked a second job I got myself a life I never thought I wanted and tbh, I had a great time. You prob have to learn to stay away from him, as hard as it is, I tried to contact my ex and got blanked, I felt worse, swore I would never let anyone do that to me again. Do you go to the gym, join a club etc, whilst it aint my cup of tea a friend joined a rowing club, met a lovely girl and got married. You working at the mo, I know its a bad time, try and throw yourself into that, try go out and keep busy.... Now who is going on a bit

Eric Cartman

i reccomend you move on, he obviously just doesnt feel like havign you around when he sees a better offer, he probably thinks its convenient to have you around and goes back because he knows your there, id say cut contact with him and dont go back

VaioCruiser

jenny4385 wrote: »

hey
is it actualky worth the effort anymore, i went out with someone for 4 years and for 90% of it we were happy and problem free, then we didnt deal with stuff well and broke up, got back together and then got dumped 4 days before christmas, we got back together there about 2 months ago and then he broke up with me out of the blue again. now he doesn even want to talk to me..... what have i done?? cos he wont tell me...
how can someone who tells you they love you, break up with you by text less than an hour later?
i feel like such an idiot for getting back together with him this time around, i feel so used right now like its just cos he was bored is what it feels like.
after 5 years how do you even start to figure out how to move on from someone who you still love and have been with throughout your entire college life - a time where your supposed to go out and make friends and meet all kinds of people....
you get to know this person inside out and think you know them so well and that you can tell them anything.
You become so close that you cant even believe that its possible to hurt eah other just by talking...... i dont even know who he is any more..
sorry im going on a bit now.. so i ll stop

I am so sorry Jenny - it sounds just awful. I feel for you. People are really irrational sometimes yes ? Yes. They are. Sometimes we cannot ever know what is going on in their minds .... what kind of baggage they have ... what kind of inner demons they have. It's tough.
You must accept the situation as it is. You must accept that it is over and you have to, somehow, get stuck into life again and heal. There is no other way. He is obviously not a good communicator and who knows he may not even know the why's and wherefore's of how he feels and why he does what he does, himself :rolleyes:
So don't beat yourself up trying to psychoanalyse it all when there is probably no sense in it to start with.

Go back to your friends and family and let time heal the wound.

Then start again

All the best !

lolli

Jenny,

I know its hard right now, but sometimes no matter how much you love someone or how much they love you back its just not meant to be. As harsh as it may sound, its easier to get over someone by cutting all contact because otherwise you run the risk of getting back together and breaking up time and time again.

Sometimes we cant repair things in our relationships that need to be fixed so we have to go our seperate ways. Time is a great healer but its harder if you are in contact with him.

I know from experience how hard it can be but you just gotta keep your head held high and keep on going, it will get easier.

jenny4385

thanks for all your comments... i think cutting all contact is the way to go as much s i dont want im so sick of getting hurt by him... i dont know if i can take much more of it

Squor

Hey,

Make sure ya look after yourself, ya sound like a nice genuine girl, I bet around the corner ya will find the right guy who will set your world alight and you will forget all about your ex. Take care;)

VaioCruiser

jenny4385 wrote: »

thanks for all your comments... i think cutting all contact is the way to go as much s i dont want im so sick of getting hurt by him... i dont know if i can take much more of it

Hi Jenny. Come on sweetheart - the pain will pass.... soon. I promise ! It really will. Life throws this kind of thing at us and we have to take what we can get out of it, learn our lessons and get right back in the saddle... we just have to.

Think of the 90% of the time that you were so happy. Remember all of those good times. This is what living and what memories are about. Forget the bad stuff.... now you will be stronger and wiser and you will carry all of that into your next relationship after the pain eases. Think of it .. you will then be able to sit back and give crap advice to other people, just like me

Is it actually worth the effort any more ? Despite the sh*t and the hurt . . . . YES IT IS. I promise you. Hang in there ... !!!

Tale care !