Getting over it.

LegacyUser

Hey there 23 year old guy here just out of a 6 month relationship(my first).Its now been a month and a few days since
the girl i loved with every fibre of me ended our
relationship.We were going out for a little over 6 months. I kinda saw it coming honestly, the last 2 weeks of the
relationship she was being very distant with me,
picking fights over trivial things that never used to matter.
In the breakup conversation she told me this was because she was messed up and that she didn't know how
to continue the relationship but that she still loved me like she used to. Now its true she does have major major family problems which i cant really go into.
Im not sure i believe thats the reason though, it felt more like she got fed up of me.Shes never been in a committed relationship more than 3 months but
she told me she felt far more intensely for me
than any of them and seeing as how we made it longer than 3 with no major signs of trouble at the time i believed it would last.

Ive being trying to go out with friends as much as possible
,i would never have been an overly social guy however i do have a few bunches of mates,hobbies and play a couple of sports but shes literally been the only thing on my mind.
Sometimes i'm fine when i'm by myself but others i'm crippled.She admitted to me on one occasion that while shes never
cheated she'd be quite promiscuous when single. And it kills me inside to think that she could be out scoring some guy who she
doesn't care about and who doesn't want anything but a quick ride while im here still madly in love with her.
I thought after a month that things would start looking up again(especially considering 6 months isn't really a monumental amount of time in retrospect) but they aren't really and im just wondering when its likely that ill properly come to
terms with this and is it unusual to still be utterly devastated after a month with no contact?
Thx

Victor

Please use paragraphs. People are more likely to respond positively to you if you do so.

LegacyUser

Apologies, i thought it was formatted ok in my text pad but obviously came out all wrong here.Sorry again and my thanks to anyone who gets through it.

waterford1988

Hi OP,
6 months ago I was in pretty close to the exact same situation as you. And to be honest im still not over her, but this is partly my fault. Instead of going out on the town with my mates I kind of ran off and hid behind my work in case I saw her with someone else. When I finally did go out my first night back on the scene I saw her and she approached me. I ended up going home with her that night and believe me that was a big mistake!!
Basically whats been going on with me has every time I seem to get better about the whole sitation she kind of reel sme back in. It's only now I realise this with the texts ect she sends every so often.
My advice for you OP is to delete her number and do not respond to any contact from her. I agree the toughest part is imagining her with other people but the only cure for this in my opinion is to get with other people yourself. You have to just move on and be strong despite what she will say to you over the next while(and she will send texts ect!). Just ignore her, even if she starts giving you sob stories, the bottom line she made her choice she has to live with it and you deserve better.

LegacyUser

Thanks for the post. As i said though i have completely severed contact for the whole month and i wouldn't normally be the kind of guy that could just head out and score so im not sure how id manage it in this state.

TriceMarie

I know how it can feel,and that even though it's over some part of you still might want her back,because you've had that emotional connection etc...(I always think relationships are like a pair of old jeans,your so familar and comfortable with them,they make you feel good,and if they were to rip you'd be heart broken as there's so many memories attached with them..and then you have to go out and go searching again for the same type of happinees&comfortableness)....

Anywho :rolleyes:......It can be so hard,but there will be times when you meet someone when you think "wow,I think getting over my ex is possible,I can share thoses good times and feelings with someone new"

But do take it slow...if you want to "play the field for a while" and I don't mean shag here&there&everywhere lol,but go out,chat up a few birds,have a drink&dance,have a bit of fun.Then if you meet someone you feel something towards,ask her out and see how it goes..

Don't just rush to go out with someone for the sake of it,it's not far on either of you

Good luck:D

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

Sorry to hear about your situation, I can empatise with you as I was in almost the exact same situation myself this time last year, early 20's, first relationship etc. It ended badly unfortunatley, she wasnt the person whom I thought she was and to be honest she was using my good nature to her advantage, I was the one who never said 'no' to her. For a while after the 'break' we remained in contact until finally I decided enough was enough, I cut her out of my life in one foul swoop!!

Numbers, address, e-mail, msn, etc etc, every went, I didnt reply to texts or calls. It hurt like a bitch it really did and there was many a time that I very nearly gave in and wanted to see her again but I stuck to my guns and held firm. Its now over 6 months since I've talked to her! Hard to believe, the time did fly, at first I thought a day, or even a week was the hardest thing ever to get through, but you'll see as time goes by it'll get easier. I know you neither want to hear it nor will you probably believe it, but time does heal all. There will be times, even two, three, six months down the road where you'll have bad days etc, but to be honest it is quite satisfying and liberating to know that you've gotten through it!

Another thing I learned from the experience was that I sort of needed this to happen. It was a wake up call and a life experience that I learned so much from, and you too will come out of this all the wiser, although you cant see it now, give it some time and you'll be able to evaluate the situation.

I know it can hurt like hell also to think of her with someone else, but to be honest there is not a thing you can do about it, you dont own her and if you love her then you'd want her to be happy. Let her get on with her life and you focus on yours.