Never had an orgasm

LegacyUser

This is an issue which has really started to get to me lately. I'm 24 years old and I've never had an orgasm. I was a late bloomer sex wise, didn't start until I was almost 21, but I've been masturbating for years. With my first real boyfriend, he was quite selfish in bed and it all revolved around him getting off, so I never came. After a while I just accepted I wasn't going to, I thought it was fairly normal for women not to come and that was that. I've been with a new guy for the last 7 months and he was appalled when I said I'd never had an orgasm. He said all the girls he's been with (about 14) have come, and that it is not normal to never had an orgasm. He reckoned it was because my exes were selfish in bed but after us having LOTS of practice, I still haven't come! Got very close a few times but never manage to get there. I feel like such a freak. Is anyone else in my position or could offer some advice?

Otis Driftwood

Have you orgasmed through masturbation?

If you cannot bring yourself off then what chance will your fella have?

You need to re-connect with yourself sexually and then incorporate what you like into your relationship.

LegacyUser

I am 24 and about 6 months ago I had my first orgasm, so dont give up. I alway really enjoyed sex but never masterbated so didn't really know what I was missing out on! so I decided to start and I had one on my first or second attempt... I am now addicted!! still can't get there when im with my boyfriend though, I am just too distracted. You should try a small vibrator on the clit to get you started, if you are having difficultly. Also, I would advise you to just keep going, so when it starts to feel very intense keep going and you'll get there. I think im getting close to having them with my boyfiend, now that I can do it all on my own! enjoy!

LegacyUser

No, as I said, I have been masturbating for years and never had an orgasm! It's not because I haven't tried! I actually get much closer to orgasm with my partner than I do on my own (shaking, tingling etc) but never seem to quite get there.

LegacyUser

Get a vibrator like someone said.

LegacyUser

noorgasm wrote: »

No, as I said, I have been masturbating for years and never had an orgasm! It's not because I haven't tried! I actually get much closer to orgasm with my partner than I do on my own (shaking, tingling etc) but never seem to quite get there.

ok so when you are masturbating, are you using a vibrator or just your hands? and are you using anything to help stimulate your mind (i.e. erotica or porn even)? and are you in a situation where you know 100% that someone won't come in on you or interrupt you?

if you haven't tried, any of the above do so!

having an orgasm is mostly about one's state of mind. you can't feel rushed, or pressurised. your mind has to be fully engaged with what's going on.

i was a late bloomer as well. i never had my first orgasm till i was in my 20s. now i have multiples so it can be done. you just haven't found out what makes you cum yet!

and don't be afraid to experiment with different types of erotica or porn....before you start to play have a good think about what really really turns you on and excites you.

RossFixxxed

Have to agree with what other posters said. If you can't connect with yourself sexually and be comfortable enough with yourself to do it, then nobody is going to be able to help on that. Are you uptight/conservative/shy about these matters. Does sex seem a little dirty or guilty to you?

LegacyUser

watch porn and use a vibrator on your clit! give yourself lots of time, you will get there!

LegacyUser

But I CAN connect with myself sexually! As I already said, I've been masturbating since I was 10 or 11 (early developer) with hands and also sometimes vibrators, watching porn often. Yes, I usually don't have to worry about being interrupted. It's all great except for the fact I cannot orgasm! With my boyfriend, we do all kinds of things, experimentation, loads of oral, and it's very enjoyable but I never quite get there. And the way some people are implying I'm uptight or conservative is making me feel even worse because I'm absolutely not at all. I'm very open sexually, willing to try anything, can communicate with my partner about anything. It's an ideal relationship in this way.

Wibbs

I don't for one second think you're uptight or anything like it. Some of the most "uptight" women can go off like fireworks at halloween by being nuzzled in the neck. I also don't think it's anything to do with you not connecting with yourself either. That puts more pressure on yourself.

I would suspect it'll happen when you least expect it. That's been my experience anyway. Once it does then the next time will be far easier. Women are built differently and their sexual responses are more complex. They need more of the outside world to switch off too. For the vast majority of healthy guys, most of the time, if they're stimulated they will pop. And when they're on the approach to that wild horses couldn't stop it. Women are different and you could be right at the point of it and anything could distract you. A random thought a change of speed or pressure and if you've not had one before that would make it worse. Even the pressure you give yourself to have one.

Maybe a vibrator would help and get you over the hurdle of that first one.

It will happen, sooner or later. As unregged said don't give up.

I will also add that IME women who have a harder time getting there when younger have an easier time down the line and have more varied ones too. So as I say, Don't give up.

marzic

Try not to stress so much about it, it may be more likely to happen if you can relax and let go. you are not a freak so dont beat yourself up about it, and as others say it will happen when you least expect it, and more likely to be when you are fully relaxed. you could try some role play if theres something that turns you on particularly, the internet is at your disposal! good luck

VaioCruiser

noorgasm wrote: »

But I CAN connect with myself sexually! As I already said, I've been masturbating since I was 10 or 11 (early developer) with hands and also sometimes vibrators, watching porn often. Yes, I usually don't have to worry about being interrupted. It's all great except for the fact I cannot orgasm! With my boyfriend, we do all kinds of things, experimentation, loads of oral, and it's very enjoyable but I never quite get there. And the way some people are implying I'm uptight or conservative is making me feel even worse because I'm absolutely not at all. I'm very open sexually, willing to try anything, can communicate with my partner about anything. It's an ideal relationship in this way.

Hi. I have some recent experience with this myself and as a guy I am having problems orgasming recently - though in my case it is partly because I am now a bit older and I believe related to my recent relationships. It all happens in the brain and that can be the toughest solution to find if it is blocked.

My advice would be to go and talk to someone in the relationship/sex field. What harm can it do ? Orgasming is an important part of being alive and I don't think it is enough just to accept it and not at least try to find a solution (not implying that is what you are doing!). So why not pick up the phone and start :-)
By the way, I have seen documentaries from the US where they have courses run by specialists for people who have something blocking their ability to orgasm - so I am sure there are ways of finding a solution.

All the best !

PCPhoto

VaioCruiser wrote: »

Hi. I have some recent experience with this myself and as a guy I am having problems orgasming recently - though in my case it is partly because I am now a bit older and I believe related to my recent relationships. It all happens in the brain and that can be the toughest solution to find if it is blocked.

My advice would be to go and talk to someone in the relationship/sex field. What harm can it do ? Orgasming is an important part of being alive and I don't think it is enough just to accept it and not at least try to find a solution (not implying that is what you are doing!). So why not pick up the phone and start :-)
By the way, I have seen documentaries from the US where they have courses run by specialists for people who have something blocking their ability to orgasm - so I am sure there are ways of finding a solution.

All the best !

Afraid I have to disagree here ..... Orgasming is not an important part ...some women cant orgasm, some experience minor signs (tingling, a shiver etc)..... its a FACT that an orgasm for a woman is usually difficult to achieve (especially compared to a male orgasm) .... some women need stimuli, mentally physically, emotionally, the OP has said she has been close .... she may have had an orgasm and didn't realise it...its not always a huge release .

As others have said, knowing yourself - what turns you on etc, is a helpful tool to assist you, having someone that knows you also helps..... patience seems to be the general advice people are giving, patience and "find yourself".

I have an EX who said afterwards (during our relationship) that I was the first guy to actually make her cum..... this was several months into the relationship (she didn't fake it before then - just like most guys I didn't notice and didn't know her body to achieve it..... we didn't do anything special... it just kind of happened, granted we discovered from that ... that there was a couple of positions she particularly enjoyed... as they were what she needed.

I did feel a bit of pressure for her to orgasm first - we had a bit of a joke about it .... I would keep going till she came ..... sometimes I was just too tired after that and didn't bother finishing myself ..... on one occasion ..... she just rolled over and said goodnight.... we joked about that for a while.... swapped roles

prinz

PCPhoto wrote: »

Afraid I have to disagree here ..... Orgasming is not an important part ...some women cant orgasm, some experience minor signs (tingling, a shiver etc)..... its a FACT that an orgasm for a woman is usually difficult to achieve (especially compared to a male orgasm) .... some women need stimuli, mentally physically, emotionally, the OP has said she has been close .... she may have had an orgasm and didn't realise it...its not always a huge release .

+1 Especially when the OP has been watching porn, she's probably waiting for the ear-drum shattering uncontrollable wailing and fish-out-of-water involuntary body flips, that accompanies being paid to look like you're climaxing.

PCPhoto wrote: »

As others have said, knowing yourself - what turns you on etc, is a helpful tool to assist you, having someone that knows you also helps..... patience seems to be the general advice people are giving, patience and "find yourself".

Yup.

Oh The Humanity

its a FACT that an orgasm for a woman is usually difficult to achieve

Whoah! No, it is difficult for SOME women to achieve!
Bit of a generalisation there!

Anyway OP, it does sound like a mental block. It sounds so out there and american to say go to a sex therapist but maybe thats all you need.

It doesn't sound like a lack of physical response, it sounds more in the head.

The fact its getting on your nerves I can understand. Please dont give up.
It will be so worth it.

LegacyUser

prinz wrote: »

+1 Especially when the OP has been watching porn, she's probably waiting for the ear-drum shattering uncontrollable wailing and fish-out-of-water involuntary body flips, that accompanies being paid to look like you're climaxing.

Eh, no offence but aren't you a virgin? Have you ever seen a real woman cum?

Yes, some porn is exaggerated but I've always have mind blowing orgasms (woman) so I dont think we should start pretending female climax is some sort of myth!
Not helpful to the OP.

OP, you will get there. Dont listen to men on here telling you 'women cant climax' and some only have shiver and all that rubbish.

A female orgasm can be achieved and easily and it is nothing like a shiver I can assure you.

Dont let your frustration get the better of you. You will get there in the end and once it happens once you are good to go!

LegacyUser

I know it isn't always loud and earth shattering. but anyone I've talked to, male or female says you KNOW when you have an orgasm. And it just feels like I'm almost there but not quite.

LegacyUser

I'm glad someone else posted this thread because this has happened to me recently and I was thinking of posting. With a new boy, only started sleeping together a few weeks ago. I do think its a mental block, and it's not that i'm not having fun or enjoying it just can't get there... hopefully will soon! Does this really bother men? My bf gets kinda frustrated/thinks he is doing something wrong. While I would love it to happen I don't enjoy things any less because it doesn't happen. .. hope u don't think i'm hijacking ur thread just saying I'm in same situation!

prinz

Unregistered wrote: »

Eh, no offence but aren't you a virgin? Have you ever seen a real woman cum?

Firstly, no, I'm not, and secondly yes I have.

Unregistered wrote: »

Yes, some porn is exaggerated but I've always have mind blowing orgasms (woman) so I dont think we should start pretending female climax is some sort of myth!
Not helpful to the OP.

I never insinuated it was a myth........and just because you've had mind blowing orgasms, does not make it so for everyone.

Otis Driftwood

Unregistered wrote: »

OP, you will get there. Dont listen to men on here telling you 'women cant climax' and some only have shiver and all that rubbish.

A female orgasm can be achieved and easily and it is nothing like a shiver I can assure you.

So have you ever given another woman an orgasm?

Every girl I have ever been with has experienced different orgasm intensity.
My last serious relationship for example,sometimes she would orgasm so hard her hands would shake and she literally wouldnt be able to talk.Other times it would just be a relatively minor feeling of release,or,a shiver.

And I dont think anyone said women cant climax,some just find it more difficult than others.

VaioCruiser

bambi99 wrote: »

I'm glad someone else posted this thread because this has happened to me recently and I was thinking of posting. With a new boy, only started sleeping together a few weeks ago. I do think its a mental block, and it's not that i'm not having fun or enjoying it just can't get there... hopefully will soon! Does this really bother men? My bf gets kinda frustrated/thinks he is doing something wrong. While I would love it to happen I don't enjoy things any less because it doesn't happen. .. hope u don't think i'm hijacking ur thread just saying I'm in same situation!

Hi - I think we all need to get to grips with the fact that our body's are not really fully under our control They don't react like machines and something as delicate and deeply felt as sexual feelings just don't turn on like a tap. We have to learn, like I have, to enjoy ourselves when we are with someone we care about and not to concentrate on what is 'not' happening. If we do that we will have the greatest chance of unblocking anything getting in the way, at the same time as being really happy

All the best.

VaioCruiser

Oh The Humanity wrote: »

The fact its getting on your nerves I can understand. Please dont give up.
It will be so worth it.

Agree 100%. We only have one life and it's not good enough to be told that orgasming is something to learn to live without, without doing our best to find out why and to try to fix it.

Good luck

LegacyUser

hey OP, just wanted to say I'm similar age to you and the exact same problem so I understand how frustrating it can be.
Just wondering if when you say when you're 'almost there' if its the same as me where its like your close but then just get tenser and its like hitting a wall I guess is the best way I can describe it, where you can't go any further?

LegacyUser

do lots of exercise first,
then finger yourself or sex
seems to increase sensitivity or something...
its what i found...youl have orgasm........no bother to ya girl

LauraLoo

if im ever having difficulty its usually a mental block

sometimes i just know i wont come- if im stressed, had a really hard day at work, have a list of household duties to do

sometimes i tell myself beforehand- "you've had a crap day- you're stressed- let it go" and i manage to come then..but at times when i have alot on my mind i simply just find it hard to let go. are you a worrier?

other times i fantasize in my head while we are at it. I read a tantric sex book once that encourages one to let go of fantasies whilst masturbating and dont judge them, in order to connect with the self. I found that by letting go in my head while having sex has really improved the intensity of my orgasms.

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Tantric-Sex-Practical-Guide-Tantra/dp/1856751198/ref=sr_1_22?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1245757108&sr=1-22

there is a guy who does tantra workshops who may be able to help also

http://anamspirit.com/links/esothericpractices.html

LegacyUser

noorgasm wrote: »

I know it isn't always loud and earth shattering. but anyone I've talked to, male or female says you KNOW when you have an orgasm. And it just feels like I'm almost there but not quite.

I'm similar to you, late bloomer...only have had one partner and for the first while when we were having sex, it always felt so close and never happened, generally because I was thinking "oh...am I about to orgasm...how about now...oh no, it's gone" - too much thinking and pressure going on.

The reasons guys find it a bit easier is because all their blood has rushed south where us women still have it in our brains and are thinking too much.

Just try to foget about the orgasming part of sex and enjoy it as is and eventually when you least expect, it'll come...literally

LegacyUser

Thanks for the advice. I am indeed a worrier and I get stressed easily, so I guess this could be a big factor. My BF is also feeling bad as he's made every girl he was with come except for me, so both of us are a bit stressed

Lux23

noorgasm wrote: »

But I CAN connect with myself sexually! As I already said, I've been masturbating since I was 10 or 11 (early developer) with hands and also sometimes vibrators, watching porn often. Yes, I usually don't have to worry about being interrupted. It's all great except for the fact I cannot orgasm! With my boyfriend, we do all kinds of things, experimentation, loads of oral, and it's very enjoyable but I never quite get there. And the way some people are implying I'm uptight or conservative is making me feel even worse because I'm absolutely not at all. I'm very open sexually, willing to try anything, can communicate with my partner about anything. It's an ideal relationship in this way.

I know what you mean, I would say its more a case of letting go. Next time you have some time alone, lie on your bed and clear your head of all the boring thoughts in your life. Then begin to think of situations that arouse you but don't touch yourself until you can feel the tingle starting to come, then do whatever feels natural for as long as possible. Don't use porn because i sometimes thing external factors can get in the way when you are trying to relax. This works for me so try and give it a go.

missingtime

Some men may think that this is a challenge for them but its more to do with your own body that a guys stamina in bed.

I would recommend have a chat about what you like with your partner. Doing this may even get you "all worked up" and you might find it easier to orgasm then.

Some women (and men for that matter) require a bit more work than others

LegacyUser

Only one answer you aren't letting yourself go and are somehow insecure.I would not rule out the exs been selfish also.You need to relax.