GF inappropriate with my friend

LegacyUser

I was out last night with my girlfriend and some friends, it was one of my friends' last night in the country.
bit of background info is that we weren't ever sure if he was gay or straight, but we learned recently that he's almost certainly bisexual.

Anyway, thoughout the course of the night, my girlfriend is being reaaal friendly with the guy. Which is understandable.
She's telling him how great she thinks he is and rubbing his head every now and again, putting her hands on his arms.
Later in the night my friend gets really upset 'cause he's leaving. So people are hugging him, naturally. My girlfriend included. Again this, much is to be expected. But then she starts leaving her hand on his ****ing leg and rubbing it, presumably to console him or something. Not exactly up in his crotch or anything, but well above the knee, rubbing the guy's leg.
Now this is my friend and I love the guy and trust him and it's his last night and everything so I'm prepared to say nothing and let everything slide. But to be honest I'm feeling pissed off at her.

We'd had a little bit of a fight earlier in the night, made up. But she spent so much of the end of night worrying about whether he thought we were fighting and whether he thought she was a bitch or something. Struck me as odd considering I'd have been far more worried about what I thought, if I was in her position.

Ordinarily I wouldn't be turning to anyone else for their opinion on something like this but I'm just not sure if I'm blowing this out of proportion etc in my head. It's definnitely been bothering me and I don't know if I should call her on it or just try to forget about it. I'm pretty certain if things were the other way 'round and I'd been putting my hands on some girl I knew, she'd be fuming.

Obviously the guy's gone out of the country indefinitely now so people might think it's not an issue, but I don't want to be with someone who fancies/fancied someone else while they were with me.

There've been other signs that she was really inordinately interested in the guy before she even got to know or be friends properly with him.
Should I be feeling this way at all? I've a feeling people are going to tell me I'm being a total idiot, but I just can't help felling uncomfortable about the way my girlfriend was with this guy last night.

What, if anything, should I say/do?

LegacyUser

I'm a bloke, and I think you should let it go. I had the same problem before, where my (now ex) gf was best friends with a gay guy. the trouble was that they used to be all over each other physically. he was jealous of me being with her, and behind her back used to subtley boast about it to me, i could do nothing about it because I would have looked bad if I had said something, it would have looked like I had something against him because he was gay. I had to call her on it eventually without wanting to, it caused a massive row or seven, until she eventually copped onto what he was doing, more because he started treating her badly too, out of jealousy.

but in this case, i would say let it go, unless it happens again.

she probably wouldn't be like that physically with another girl, so why accept it with a guy who's gay? i think she shouldn't do it out of respect for you.

LegacyUser

I'd be pretty pissed off it I was in your shoes OP. How long are you going out? What age are the two of you?

LegacyUser

He's not gay though. So obviously the thought could've been in her head that something could happen between him and her.

SarahSassy

Nothing to worry about. She was a bit tipsy and sentimental and do you really think if she was mauling him she would do it in front of you... Hello.... Women are more touchy feely than men and it means nothing whereas as soon as you touch a man he thinks you fancy him.

In saying that you obviously dont trust her or have some insecurities about your relationship. Dont say a word to her.... She will think you are nuts.

Wagon

SarahSassy wrote: »

In saying that you obviously dont trust her or have some insecurities about your relationship. Dont say a word to her.... She will think you are nuts.

I don't think he is. It's a pretty understandable reaction.

but i'd still let it slide myself. you're right, women are more touchy feely than blokes. Also, and feel free to pull me up on this, but birds seem to get very friendly with guys who are gay/bisexual. I've seen that with mates of mine or maybe they're just really nice and im a bollocks

either way, the lad has left the country. And he's your mate so he certianly wouldn't have done anything to return the favour other than in a friendly way. I can get happy and pleasent on the booze myself. the only part that would throw me off is the way she was worried about what he thought but i'll also just stick that down to booze on this occaision. If this type of thing becomes a regular occurance then you can be worried. for now don't let it wreck your head.

Trinity

I think what matters is how YOU feel about it.

There are 2 people in this relationship, and most people have boundaries of whats acceptable and whats not and whats appropriate or not, well unless you tell her then yes it may happen again

Or you could let it slide and see if it happens again

i a firm believer its not what you say but how you say it, so make sure you dont go on the attack, communication is one of the most important thing in a relationship, people dont open their mouths, things fester and grow and one day they explode, its innocent enough what happened but best nip it in the bud

I think the fact that hes bi is absolutely irrelevant and the leaving the country part also irrelevant - what if she does it again with another of your friends?

Sarah while what you say is true its still no excuse and we should not get away with just because we are female, thats no excuse to make your partner feel uncomfortable, if my bf had his hands all over another girl i would lose the plot and i am sure a lot of girls would and the excuse oh hes a man they all do that just wouldnt cut it

its about respect

SarahSassy

Unr134 wrote: »

She's telling him how great she thinks he is and rubbing his head every now and again, putting her hands on his arms.

No big deal here..

Unr134 wrote: »

But then she starts leaving her hand on his ****ing leg and rubbing it, presumably to console him or something. Not exactly up in his crotch or anything, but well above the knee, rubbing the guy's leg.

But not his crotch so again no big deal. The issue here is that you are jealous. Plain and simple.

I dont think she had her hands all over him. I think she touched him in a friendly manner and you tooka jealous boyfriend over-reaction.

As someone said, if its upsetting you then talk to her..

LegacyUser

SarahSassy wrote: »

No big deal here..



But not his crotch so again no big deal. The issue here is that you are jealous. Plain and simple.

I dont think she had her hands all over him. I think she touched him in a friendly manner and you tooka jealous boyfriend over-reaction.

As someone said, if its upsetting you then talk to her..

No, I didn't take a jealous boyfriend reaction, I didn't react at all at the time. I've just been thinking about it.

I'm going to forget about it, anyway. Thanks for the opinions, relieving at least to know I'm not necessarily mental.

You seem sexist, by the way. "women are more touchy feely", "boyfriend reaction"

Nevyn

Using unreggistered posting to get around your forum ban, expect your forum ban to be extended.