Divorce or not

tedandbetty

about 2 months ago (2nd of may to be exact) I was forced by my wife and family to move out of our house. now I need to be honest i was having problems that had come between us and i had to get professional help with this. since then i have been reciving treatment and it has been working well. in the begining i thought there was no hope for us getting back together but the odd time she gives me hope that we can have a future. but in the middle of all this she went off with her friend on a sun holiday and has just returned. to be honest i found this odd and still do but i said nothing. i am trying to figure if she wants to make a go of things or not but not having much sucess figuring this one out. i am getting mixed signals frm her.
i really need a decision from her on what she wants and i am fast approaching a place where i will call a halt all this and just deciede that we have to go our seperate ways and get a divorce even though i do not want to.
it is just i cannot stand living in limbo land any more. we cannot go on hurting each other like this any more. i do love her deeply and do not want to go on without her, but at the same time I need to be practicable and start back living in the real world.

your thoughs would be appreciated?

SarahSassy

Its only 2 months for God's sake... You are willing to throw in the towel after 2 months???

Just because you have had professional help and feel you are getting better does not mean that she trusts you again or sees the changes that you feel. If you want your family back you have to put in the work and this could take a lot longer than 2 months...

barbiegirl

Tedandbetty if your wife and family forced you to move out then the problems were serious. Without knowing more we can't really offer much opinion. But either way 2 months of councelling won't have solved it completly.
If it was
Abusive behaviour (physical, mental or emotional) - she will never trust you again and hopefully she will not go back
Gambling/Drinking/Drugs - two months is too short a time for her to trust that this is behind you.
You have a long way to go and two months isn't going to do it. I'm not trying to be hard on you, but you have to accept that you did something on a continuous basis to cause you to be asked to leave, and you cannot expect a quick fix.

tedandbetty

thanks for your opion guys and maybe your right 2 months is not a long time in the overall scale of things. but i would just like to feel that there is hope along the way.
i am not underestimating what i have done in any way and i know there is much hurt caused. for obvious reasons i am not going to go in to detail here what the problem is.
and your right building trust is the main issue right now.

but how does one build trust?

SarahSassy

tedandbetty wrote: »

but how does one build trust?

By your actions and words.. You need to be consistently honest and trustworthy. Dont blame your wife for what happened and do give her some space to get her head round stuff.

You are on the back foot here, it must have taken a lot for her to throw you out but you need to work at her pace rather than your impatient one.

hobochris

I think your jumping the gun a bit.

Do you want to get back together with her?

Is there any doubt in your mind that you'll do what ever you did again?

If there is no doubt that you'll not relapse back to you old ways and you do want her back then simplest thing to do is talk to her, tell her how you feel, ask her how she feels, offer her some time to think about things.

Trinity

Totally agree with the others, i'm sorry about your problems btw, however if you fcuked up you have to make amends

Dont expect a magic wand to be waved and all is well just because you are feeling better

If you want her you are going to have to work and fight for her

earn her love and respect, why dont you invite her out on a date. There is no harm letting her know you would like to go back but make sure you apologise and tell her the ball is in her court

I'm sure it wasnt easy decision to throw you out by the way

best of luck with it anyway