I'm pregnant-my bf is so angry at me

LegacyUser

I'm in such a mess I recently found out about 2 weeks ago that I'm pregnant.I couldn't believe it but I was sick for a few days and even though I never missed a pill I did get sick shortly after taking it but thought I'd be ok as I had taken it an hour or so before but obviously I wasn't. I told my bf on friday and he wants me to have an abortion saying we're too young (we're both 22) we've no way of supporting a child and how he just couldnt handle a child now. I told him I wasn't sure what I was going to do and I'm still not and he went mad saying it's my fault I'm pregnant and how dare I force him into being a dad and after it all he left. My friend suggested telling his parents about him trying to force me to have an abortion but I think thatd make things worse. I haven't heard from him since I'm so lost now I don't know what to do

Trinity

This is an age old arguement when 'accidents' happen

But as a single mum i will always say the same thing. can you handle this baby on your own?

Can you support him on your own?

You might by law be able to make him throw you 50 quid a week but you CANNOT make him be a father.

He has told you how he felt but what do you want?

If you decide to go ahead with the baby, there are hard days ahead, there are also good and rewarding days ahead.

You have to make this decision but you MUST take him out of the equation if you are not in agreement on this

Picture your life alone with this child because men can and do walk away. There are some wonderful fathers out there and then there are arseholes

so when you make your decision just be realistic cos it aint always happy families.

i know you are probably hurt by his reaction but its also a good thing that you know in advance

i wish you all the best with your decision, dont force his hand by 'ratting' on him, you will only push him further away and alienate yourself from his family and his support

you are more than welcome to PM me if you would like to rant

Philomena

Luuca

When I was 19 my then boyfriend of 2 years left me when I told him I was pregnant, It was a very difficult and upsetting time but I got thru it but not without the help of my family who have been fantastic over the years.

It was obviously a big shock to him so give him a little more time if he doesn't make contact can you talk to your parents ?

Firetrap

Oh dear. What a horrible time it must be for you Your boyfriend has behaved in a really terrible manner and has shown his true colours. Aside from the appalling things he said to you, that he hasn't come back indicates that you're on your own here. Your friend is right - there's absolutely nothing to be gained by telling his parents he tried to force you to have an abortion. Chances are they'll side with their son (blood being thicker than water and all that!) and it'll cause you nothing but extra heartache.

It might be worthwhile for you to go talk to a pregnancy counsellor. There are some services on the likes of positiveoptions.ie. Do you have any family or close friends you can talk to? I think you need to talk to someone and try to figure out what you are going to do.

Bottle_of_Smoke

It must be a massive shock for him. His visions of his life for the next 10 years are in danger of being washed down the drain so give him a few days and then discuss it again.

I'm not saying he's behaved well but not many of us know what its like to be the father of an unwanted pregnancy

Giving him time to digest it. I know if my gf came to me and said she was pregnant my head would be all over the place. While he acted selfishly initially rememebr that this news could easily change his entire life and yours.

Talk to him about it, be calm and collected. Discuss your options and try to come up with a solution which is best for both of you. If he is still insisting you have an abortion then you make up your own mind. Don't let him bully you into doing something you don't want to.

And if he gets angry with you for being pregnant remind him that it takes two to tango.

SarahSassy

You poor pet. Shame on him for treating you like this. I recently had a friend who was in this position and she is a lot older than you (32 now). Her OH, who had proclaimed he wanted kids and marriage, decided once she got pregnant (neither of them had used contraception over one weekend) that the timing was not good for him and tried to force her to have an abortion. She based her decision on whether or not she wanted the baby and she decided to keep it. He happened to come round and is v happy now but this may not happen to you.

You are in shock at the thought of becoming a mother but also of possibly losing your boyfriend. Think about the solution for you and if he is on board then good but if not, the decision is yours alone.

RealistSpy

No matter if he wants to stay or not, everything is all about that unborn baby. Who said life has to be easy but everything happens for a reason.

hobochris

It sounds like your boyfriend is a BOY and not a Man.

Its not like he didn't have any part in it. The pill is never 100% effective.

Its your choice if you want to have the abortion, The plus side of having one is you don't have to raise a child just yet, which I'm sure can be a daunting experience. The downside is if you do have an abortion, from what Ive herd it can be traumatic and haunts some women for a long time afterwords.

I would defiantly mention it to his parents if he's being selfish about it as it is their unborn grandchild inside you, I'd also say to him that he had no problem having sex with you if he continues to give you grief about it.Its often situations like this that Girls find out just how much of a man their boyfriends are.

Also these people might be able to help and offer some advice:

http://www.crisispregnancy.ie/

John Mason

hobochris wrote: »

.

I would defiantly mention it to his parents if he's being selfish

do not under any circumstances go to his parents about this. he is a grown man and this has nothing to do with his parents. perhaps if he was 8 it might.

OP step and put yourself in his shoes, are you really that surprised he ran away? i am not

you need to make up your own mind about what you. unfortunately, for the men they never get a choice in this matter and either way will have to pay. so you should count yourself the lucky one, you have all the balls in court and you must make the right decision for you

LegacyUser

Your boyfriend is mad at you for getting pregnant? Does he think it was an immaculate conception? No matter what contraceptive you use, it is never 100% - if he wants s*x, he has to deal with what comes with it (no pun).

all_smilz

a LOT of guys freak out about this and i know my own bf would...
Its a shame such an awful thing is going on for you. Let me tell you my own story and PLEASE other readers keep your opinions to yourselves.
I got pregnant when i started college, it was a one night stand and a mistake at that. I freaked out, my dads in politics and mom has a drinking problem so i didnt think i could talk to them or expect much help/support.
I was very frightened and alone, two days after i found out this, i got assaulted by two horrible thugs.
I wanted to stay in college, i wanted to have a life of my own, i believed if i were to have a child it should have two parents (not that ONE isnt just absolutely fine but this is my belief for myself alone).
I had a termination and while i maintain it was the right thing at the time for me afterwards i suffered terrible depression and still wonder what if... it may sound contradictory but thats how I felt. Over 4years later i still shed tears over my then situation.
I am with a man now who is utterly great and we are very happy and despite him not really wanting children and us both being out of work it is not something i would do again.
Its all very dependant on circumstances but you have to do what is right for you... Abortion isnt something i would reccommend for everyone but its not something i'd judge anyone on.
I wish you the best of luck in your situation and hope that it works out for the best. Talk to counsellors and your family and friends. Dont bother making it an issue for your bfs parents because thats not fair on him or them and ultimately makes things more complicated.
Take care

Sonderval

Abortion is something that should be considered, to be fair. If the lad clearly doesn't want to be a father, then you may end up raising the child by yourself. You have to ask yourself what quality of life you may be putting your child and yourself into in such a situation.

There are pros and cons to both sides of the argument, but ultimately in this day and age you dont have to have the child unless you want too.

Nevyn

So should adoption, fostering or keeping the child.

pregnant gf please get in touch with positive options, they will explain to you about all possible options for you and the differing supports you can receive which should make your decision easier.

As for you bf he's young and tbh he should have know that the pill is not 100% hopefully he will calm down if he doesn't well tbh he's not going to be any use to you no matter what choice you make if he's hell bent on vilifying you and stressing you out.

LegacyUser

Hi it's the op here again,
Thank you all so much for your advice

@ Trinity-
No I couldn't afford to bring up a child and neither can my bf.
There's no way I could do it on my own either.
No I haven't told my parents cause they'd freak out and so would his !
I have told my friend which is a great relief and help to me but this is all I'll be telling anything to.
Thanks for your reply

I'm getting quite worried about my bf at this stage as I met a friend of his today (he doesn't know anything about this) and he said to me what is up with my bf that he seems really depressed and isn't sleeping or eating etc
I haven't contacted him in a day or so to give him space but I'm really finding it hard not to now now that I know he's hurting
If only somebody could take me out of this terrible mess

Trinity

oh you poor thing why are you worrying about him?

You really should get in touch with positive options, they wont make the decision for you, but they will show you where to go and who to talk to, its confidential so you dont have to worry about anyone finding out.

You have a very difficult decision ahead of you so think of yourself now. He should be contacting you and worrying about you.

Do you mind if i ask how old you and your bf are?

You've done the right thing by giving him space but in fairness he cant bury his head in the sand either. Why dont you give him a call and ask him to meet up for a chat, you could do with his support one way or another no?

His reaction was not nice but i am guessing it was more shock than anything else.

Nevyn

there is a crisis pregnacny help for guys to.

http://www.positiveoptions.ie/index.php

http://www.positiveoptions.ie/positiveoptionsformen.php

http://www.positiveoptions.ie/telephonelist.php

Please op they will listen to you and given all the information on all your options.

LegacyUser

Hi OP,

I had my daughter when I was 19 with little or no support from her dad at the time, It was a very hard time for me as my father went balistic, I was basically homeless for a couple of weeks afte she was born, anyway moving forward, it took about 3-4 years before her dad really came to terms with becoming a father, his parents didn't even know. They are now quite close and we are together. It was difficult but you just don't know how it will work out. I have yet to meet a young mother who regrets having her baby but there are so many that regret not doing it. I went back to college after a number of years so it is very possible for you. Men can find it very difficult to come to terms and need a lot of time. I wouldn't change a single thing about the past 19 years, It was very tough but she is just about to do medicine if she gets the points in LC. I am very proud and it is such a feeling of achievement when your child reaches 18, is well balanced, happy and educated. I know it is so easy to think of the present situation but look down the line and don't be too quick to decide. Thousands of girls have gone through this before you and thousands more will be behind you. Best of Luck with whatever decision you make.

wolfpawnat

OP I know exactly how you feel, I was 21 when I got pregnant and my OH just lost his dad and felt he had his whole life ahead of him. There was plenty of arguments about what to do with the baby, he wanted an abortion, I didn't. I went to England and made the appointment and was leaving for the clinic when we decided not to go through with it! But it is your baby as well as his and no man has to go through the doors of an abortion clinic. It is easier for them to suggest it!

Yes men get upset but the most of them calm down after a week or so.

Think of all your options, I didn't think I could afford my baby but I have. There are more than you think, Adoption, Abortion and keeping it. There is a pregnancy forum here too if you want to talk to mums/mum-to-be.

PM me if you want too:) Don't worry you are not alone. And sadly this isn't a problem that just goes away if you ignore it. And yes parents go mad and may be terrible for a week but they too get over it, if you decide to tell them.

LegacyUser

Trinity wrote: »

oh you poor thing why are you worrying about him?

You really should get in touch with positive options, they wont make the decision for you, but they will show you where to go and who to talk to, its confidential so you dont have to worry about anyone finding out.

You have a very difficult decision ahead of you so think of yourself now. He should be contacting you and worrying about you.

Do you mind if i ask how old you and your bf are?

You've done the right thing by giving him space but in fairness he cant bury his head in the sand either. Why dont you give him a call and ask him to meet up for a chat, you could do with his support one way or another no?

His reaction was not nice but i am guessing it was more shock than anything else.

We're both 22 and I can't not worry bout him it's really really obviously affecting him and he's probably like this as he is probably thinking that the rest of his life is in my hands as to whether I have the baby or not.
I know I should talk to those at positive options but I'm just not in the mood for anything like that right now.

Unregistered wrote: »

Hi OP,

I had my daughter when I was 19 with little or no support from her dad at the time, It was a very hard time for me as my father went balistic, I was basically homeless for a couple of weeks afte she was born, anyway moving forward, it took about 3-4 years before her dad really came to terms with becoming a father, his parents didn't even know. They are now quite close and we are together. It was difficult but you just don't know how it will work out. I have yet to meet a young mother who regrets having her baby but there are so many that regret not doing it. I went back to college after a number of years so it is very possible for you. Men can find it very difficult to come to terms and need a lot of time. I wouldn't change a single thing about the past 19 years, It was very tough but she is just about to do medicine if she gets the points in LC. I am very proud and it is such a feeling of achievement when your child reaches 18, is well balanced, happy and educated. I know it is so easy to think of the present situation but look down the line and don't be too quick to decide. Thousands of girls have gone through this before you and thousands more will be behind you. Best of Luck with whatever decision you make.

wolfpawnat wrote: »

OP I know exactly how you feel, I was 21 when I got pregnant and my OH just lost his dad and felt he had his whole life ahead of him. There was plenty of arguments about what to do with the baby, he wanted an abortion, I didn't. I went to England and made the appointment and was leaving for the clinic when we decided not to go through with it! But it is your baby as well as his and no man has to go through the doors of an abortion clinic. It is easier for them to suggest it!

Yes men get upset but the most of them calm down after a week or so.

Think of all your options, I didn't think I could afford my baby but I have. There are more than you think, Adoption, Abortion and keeping it. There is a pregnancy forum here too if you want to talk to mums/mum-to-be.

PM me if you want too:) Don't worry you are not alone. And sadly this isn't a problem that just goes away if you ignore it. And yes parents go mad and may be terrible for a week but they too get over it, if you decide to tell them.

Thanks to you both but I just don't have the fight or whatever you want to call it to do this ! I'm so tired and worn out now so could you imagine a bit further down the line !
I couldn't have a child and give it up for adoption as I wouldn't be able to handle having my child out there somewhere without me and not knowing how he/she is doing etc so if I do have it I'd be keeping it.
I know it's not going to go away but I just feel like I'm on another planet I feel so weird I just want everything back to normal

Permabear

This post has been deleted.

IlikePostcards

I had an abortion when I was 20. I was in love with the guy, we lived together and it was a genuine accident. There was no way that we could have supported the little thing, and it was the best decision for the circumstances.

It's hard; the hardest decision you will ever have to make, but do what you think is best for you, because the child will be relying on you, for at least the first 18 years.

You will know if you are not ready, and only you can make that decision, but in my humble opinion, if you are already doubting yourself, you are not ready to be a mom.

barochoc

Your boyfriend is a selfish git.

22 is not too young. What he's saying is he want's to run around & have fun for many more years. He's saying that he want's to play with fire & not get burned.

He's not a man so I suppose using the term BOYfriend is correct. If you decide to stay with this spineless git may I suggest you leave the contraception up to him. He'll love condoms after having it so easy for so long.

Tell him the pill is not so safe & he has to wear one if you are to have sex or make love. I'm sure he'll be thrilled!

Abortion is a traumatic experience for any woman & I would never recommend it. It's very easy for a guy to just suggest it. Most people I know who have gone through with this eventually split up & it affected the girl in later relationships & they(girls) also never got over the termination.

The questions that always remain unanswered. What if I had it? What would he/she be like etc......

THINK very carefully about what YOU want! HE can't tell you what to do. If you decide to go ahead & terminate (which I hope you won't) make sure you speak to several people & close friends about it & at least one professional to make sure you are in the right state of mind & that you are strong enough to cope with the stress & possible trauma.

I wish you all the best

paperclip2

Pregnant gf wrote: »

Thanks to you both but I just don't have the fight or whatever you want to call it to do this ! I'm so tired and worn out now so could you imagine a bit further down the line !

I know it's not going to go away but I just feel like I'm on another planet I feel so weird I just want everything back to normal

Hi OP. Often the first trimester is where you will feel utter, to the bone exhaustion. I've had two children, one at 19 and the other at 30 and both times I could hardly move off the couch for the first three months. It did get a lot easier later on in pregnancy and I had so much more energy.

How you are feeling physically will really affect your thoughts right now so if you can at all speak to a pregnancy counsellor so you can start to see whats coming from your body and whats coming from your head. Also it will really help you to get a sense of perspective as well as an idea of where to go from here. You will feel stronger and better able to make all the decisions you need to. It will help your bf too.

Best of luck OP.

Noffles

Don't blame him really, I would / did go mental too... simply put you have 2 options keep or abort, weigh them up and decide what you're going to do and DO IT... You have a time limit here so think carefully and quickly... good luck.

LegacyUser

Long time poster so I'm gonna go unregistered for this.

Your boyfriend's reaction is unfortunate & bad towards you. While you were correct in the fact your pill got messed up, your boyfriend was also (I assume) not using a condom, therefore not taking precautions (you were). It's an accident, but he's obviously not man enough to face up to it.

It's likely that you're on your own at this point (hopefully with the support of your family, who will no doubt be shocked, but will get over it). Be strong & think of your child. Do the best thing for it, be that bring it up on your own or have it adopted. You're 22, my mother was that age when she had me, I'm now 40. My (younger) brother was 21 when he had his son, he now has a great (if sometimes argumentative) relationship with a terrific 14 year old.

Life is going to change but lets face it, it would be very dull if it didn't. A curve here & there makes it interesting. you may have to put some things on hold, but that's all, just on hold. When you're 32 you'll have a wonderful nine year old & be able to go places & do things while your friends are only starting...

From my own perspective. We've been trying for over two years to conceive, three miscarraiges later we're still trying. I'd really love to be a dad again & the fact your boyfriend has just walked away angers me because he doesn't realise how hard it is to want something like that. I desperatly would love to be a dad again but life/nature is conspiring against us...

We already have one child (after a year of trying) who is now nearly four & the absolute light of our lives. They're a treasure to have. Many sleepless nights & constantly being broke & draining you emotionally & physically, but I couldn't be without her. The pure love & joy she shares is unlike anything I've ever experienced. Whatever I've failed to experience or achieve in my life are miniscule to the fact I've given life to & recieve love from this wonderful little person & in the darkest hour of the darkest day no matter how much she's acting up (because they do!), just one look at her reminds me what life is about.

Your boyfriend is not going to experience that & it's his loss (it really will be a loss). Only you can decide what's best for your child & to a lesser extent, you, because the child now has to come first.

Find someone you can trust in to talk to (sometimes it's easier to talk to a stranger) & talk away, tell them all your fears, they won't be able to give you the answers, but they will be able to share your burdon. Be strong & good luck.

smileysurfer

IlikePostcards wrote: »

but in my humble opinion, if you are already doubting yourself, you are not ready to be a mom

Please dont take this on board!! You have just had a huge shock which is going to take some adjusting to...but you WILL adjust! Its only been two weeks so give yourself a chance.

I think you should give yourself a week or two to think things over, you dont have to make a decision either way right now.


Just to add... My friend was in a very similar situation a couple of months ago, was to too late to have an abortion but she was considering adoption but as soon as she told her family about it and once they got over the origional shock they supported her completly. She has since had the baby and is just so happy. Shes a fantastic mom!! The dad has come back into the picture too once he got over the shock and copped himself on.
I know this isnt the case for everyone but your parents reaction might surprise you if you do choose to tell them. Seeing as your boyfriend isnt supporting you right now (when you really need him) then perhaps telling your parents would do you the world of good. Just a suggestion tho.
Good luck with whatever you decide, its not easy.

SarahSassy

OP, as an aside, you should also check the medical facts. A termination can also cause issues with pregnancies down the line. Look into this before you decide.

mandysmithers

A lot of posters are going on about the boyfriend, and how he must be in shock, so that's why he acted the way he did. Well, do you not think the OP is also in shock?? She certainly isn't treating her boyfriend terribly. God, it's not as if he's an innocent 'victim' in all this! He's acting like a selfish prick, just up and leaving....as one poster said, does he think it was the immaculate conception?

I understand that he's shocked, but I'm sure the OP is too, and is worried sick about everything, whilst dealing with it all on her own. At least she wants to discuss it with her boyfriend, and not just run off and ignore it, like he has done. Guys like this just make me sick, so spineless and cowardly. If he was my brother I'd be so ashamed of him.

OP, I hope everything works out for the best, whatever decision you make. Just make sure that it's the right one for you.

cnocbui

This should be about you and what you want and feel. Your BF is being selfish and spineless.

I think you should look at a termination as a positive option for yourself, quite frankly, and should consider it in terms of your own life circumstances without any regard as to what your BF wants.

cnocbui

SarahSassy wrote: »

OP, as an aside, you should also check the medical facts. A termination can also cause issues with pregnancies down the line. Look into this before you decide.

Yeah, and while you are trying to scare the OP with your moral anitpathy dressed up as medical concern, how about mentioning that following through with a pregnancy can result in a whole host of negative medical issues as well.

MsTempermental

I read the replies to your thread, when all is said and done no-one else's opinions or views count, this is your life and your decision and you will be the one dealing with whatever you decide. Its easy to be overwhelmed by such news this is normal, your reaction is normal, your boyfriend may or may not come round but he really shouldn't be your priority, you are the most important person in your life! Give him time and let him deal with it by himself if he's any measure of a man he'll do the right thing and support you, telling your family is a good step if your going to keep the baby, they will rant and rave for a while but they will support you. I wish you the best of luck!

Das Kitty

IlikePostcards wrote: »

but in my humble opinion, if you are already doubting yourself, you are not ready to be a mom.

Jeepers if eveyone took this as fact there would be no babies. I've yet to meet a woman who has absolutely no doubts about being a mother when she gets pregnant, planned or not.

Would people please lay off the pro & anti abortion stuff?

Your opinion on whether she should have one or not doesn't matter a jot.

LegacyUser

Hi There

My heart really goes out to you. I remember all too well the feeling.

One thing i will say is to think hard about what you want and dont let your bf sway you.
While lots of men are wonderful dads, i know lots of girls who made decisions based on what their bf's wanted only to break up soon afterwards and be left alone to pick up the pieces.

Nevyn

OP you need professional help, both to come to terms with being pregnant and to inform you of all the choices you have so you can make the best one for you, no one here can tell you what do to.

Please contact positive options and make an appointment to talk to someone please.