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No performance

  • 16-06-2009 4:46pm
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    ok so here is the scenario.

    My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years. We were in a long distance relationship for one year. I'm back in the country now but we live in different counties. We see each other weekly for the past 6 mths. Basically my boyfriend has had trouble rising to the occasion-blaming financial and family troubles. While I understand, and he says he still has the urge for sex and can't make it happen-he's not exactly all over me either. We hug and kiss but he are having zero sexual dialogue and he doesn't touch me intimately...ever.

    I know i am an attractive girl. I seriously don't think he's cheating. I do love him but i'm starting to the resent the situation. Obviously, i know i should shut up and be supportive as there's more to us than sex but yet i feel very unattractive.

    I've talked to him and he says he still thinks i'm hot and sexy and it's nothing to do with me.

    should i take his word for it or do you suspect there's something else at play? anyone been through this? Be sooooo grateful for feedback


Comments

  • #2
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Oh boy. You could be posting about me last summer.Similar in every way to your B/F. Out of fraustration I called into my GP who just said I was out of practice/over anxious.

    I was given Cialis which is similar to Viagra except that you stay erect whenever aroused and the effect of the drug lasts for between 48 and 72 hours and was told up my water intake and no booze.

    That and a weekend away in a Hotel did the trick. The first night was weird but the next morning every cylinder fired and the motor revved and fired.Its been firing since.


  • #3
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    To be fair,if he is having trouble getting it up why would he try an instigate sex?

    He could be thinking,what if things get going and I cant?.It leads to frustration for both and embarrassment for him.

    If its bothering you that much then you really need to have a sit down with him and ask him what is going on with him.

    Stress and anxiety can have a huge bearing on a blokes ability to get an erection.

    There is no reason to think anything sinister is going on but as Ive said,you really need to talk to him about it.Ye are together 2 years so it really shouldnt be a big deal to do this.


  • #4
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Thanks nedtheshed. I guess I'm concerned that this is going on 6 mths, i'm 25....he's 30. we're a young couple, i should think we should have an active sex life.

    While it's fair to ask why he'd instigate anything sexual as he can't follow through-I'd like to think he'd still attempt to pleasure me. He knows i'd be very open to that!

    or maybe i'm just being selfish?


  • #5
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    and i've talked about to him numerous times. He says he doesn't know what the problem is and 'maybe' it's stress.

    I guess that's why i'm posting here...to see if anyone else has had a similiar experience


  • #6
    Otis Driftwood
    Closed Accounts Posts: 9,925 ✭✭✭Otis Driftwood


    Unregistered wrote: »
    Thanks nedtheshed. I guess I'm concerned that this is going on 6 mths, i'm 25....he's 30. we're a young couple, i should think we should have an active sex life.

    While it's fair to ask why he'd instigate anything sexual as he can't follow through-I'd like to think he'd still attempt to pleasure me. He knows i'd be very open to that!

    or maybe i'm just being selfish?

    I certainly dont think you are being selfish.Sex is a hugely important part of a relationship and Im sure most on here would agree.
    You said in your first post that ye have zero dialogue when it comes to sex.That strikes me as a bit strange.Couples that have been together 2 years really should be able to talk openly and honestly about their sex lives.Its not like ye are a couple of 17 year olds.
    As Ive stated previously,you really need to talk to him,explain how you are feeling - unattractive,neglected etc,and try and get him to open up as to what is going on in his life.
    Thats what a healthy and loving relationship involves.

    Unregistered wrote: »
    and i've talked about to him numerous times. He says he doesn't know what the problem is and 'maybe' it's stress.

    I guess that's why i'm posting here...to see if anyone else has had a similiar experience

    As above,if he is dodging the issue and saying it might be stress related then you have to explain to him how you are feeling and try to get some straight answers from him.


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