Is this normal?

LegacyUser

My partner and i dont really go out much together, i go out with my friends, he goes out with his. Sometimes we go out together (we live together) but normally perfer having a night in with a bottle of wine.

we together 6 years and are used to spending time apart.We are both mid 20s. The first 18 months was a long term thing. He goes off to visit family on the other side of the country every few weeks, and some nights when im not working i stay over in my sisters house even if he is at home.

But now a friend of mine has called us freaks. Says we never go out together(we do just not every weekend like her), and the fact we dont mind spending time apart is freaky. My partner went to england 2 weekends ago for a stag night and all i got was "How could you let him go off there , i wouldnt let my bf do it ".

When he goes to see his family i get "Why didnt you go with him you dont know what he would be doing"(i am a very bad traveler so i limit traveling). When i went out last weekend my friend said "you obviously dont love him anymore seen as you just went out and left him"

This from a girl who doesnt believe in girls nights out or boys nights out and wont let her partner go out without her, and she cried when her partner got held up in dublin last month for the night- because "we never spend this much time apart" (it was 2 days)

But is it normal what me and my partner do. I dont mind spending time apart- i think its healthy in a way. But now this friend has put this into my head and im not really sure what to think.

Kiera

Its YOUR relationship. Don’t listen to what anyone else has to say about it. If it works for you then leave it be.

LegacyUser

I think the answer is.......................

What's right is whatever feels right within YOUR relationship....

If ye are happy with that then great....if your friends are happy with their lot then great again....horses for courses and all that...

dblennon

Sounds like a strong healthy relationship to me.

Certainly my mates GF's are welcome anytime they like to come out with us but in general when the lads go out (about once a week) it's usually without the GF's in tow and ditto the girls all have there own groups of mates that they go out with.

your friend is terribly insecure and sounds like a stage 5 clinger TBH.

Barracudaincork

OP you are in what I consider and most intelligent people consider a healthy relationship. I could dispute it isnt normal, but thats only because i think that there isnt many healthy relationships like yours out there, so on that basis, your not normal.

You are the dream girl id say though, you are your fella are super lucky to have each other and you can tell your friend that too!!!!

LegacyUser

OP i agree with above poster your are in a very healthy relationship.It bugs me when my mates wont go on a girlie night out just incase they might miss their boyfriends.Sometimes i think that when girls wont let their botfriends go out with their mates on there own they have trust issues. If i was you just ignore your friend maybe she is just jealous that ye have that kind of relationship where ye can do your own thing.

kittenkiller

My bf and I have completely seperate groups of friends and go out socialising seperately the majority of the time.

We're perfectly suited to each other and get on fabulously, but our firends are too different to mingle nicely.

As long as you're happy, forget what other people think.

Enjoy yourself!

reprazant

Your relationship sounds fine.

Your friend on the other hand sounds like a freak.

Your relationship sounds fine, your friend sounds like a possessive bunnyboiler.

LegacyUser

Going out 7 years married 2. We make a point of spending minimum one weekend apart every month sometimes two.

We socialise seperately and together. I would think you have a normal relationship and perhaps your friend not.

Lucy Lu

No two people can spend all their time together. Yes, its is healthy to spend time apart doing things you each like to do.

In my opinion, anyone who thinks different is insecure.

LegacyUser

You don't want to be one off those freaky couples who wear matching cloths and finish each others sentences?

I'd go nuts without separate social life and holidays to my OH. Your friend sounds very immature.

Rb

I agree with the above, sounds like you've something very good going for you!

I feel sorry for your friends partner though, although I guess that's what some guys are after

ManOfMystery

Just to reinforce what was stated above, your relationship sound normal and good. Both you and your boyfriend are happy to have a healthy amount of time together and a healthy amount of time apart and it works for you both.

Your friend sounds obsessive and clingy and it may do her good to show her this thread so that she can see the vast majority do not agree that her behaviour is normal.

She probably realises she is insecure and out of order with her behaviour to her boyfriend, so tries to justify it in some way by being so vocal to you about her attitude towards it - as if your agreement will somehow make it normal and acceptable.

LegacyUser

Hi all

Thank you for all your replies. I am delighted to see its just her being insecure in her relationship. Me and my partner are very happy and i like spending time apart because it gives me time to miss him. I always dreaded the thought of being one of those couples who talk like this...

Woman - I head the funniest story today about *Insert subject here*
Man - I know i told you that when we were having breakfast
Woman - Oh i forgot

My sister had already said to me that my friends insecure in her relationship and i didnt believe it as i thought she was only defending me. But now i see. It cant be healthy, they live AND work together - Id go off my nut if i saw my partner that much.

LegacyUser

Extract from The Prophet by Kahill Gibran.

Let there be spaces in your togetherness
and let the winds of heaven dance between you.
Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each others cup but drink not of the same cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not of the same loaf.
sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping.
for only the hand of life can contain your hearts.
And stand together and yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.