At different places in life?

LegacyUser

I've just turned 24 and have been going out with a lovely guy who treats me like a princess for the last 6 months. The beginning of the relationship wasn't ideal (as it never seems to be!) as I had only just finished a long termer, but I really liked the guy and didn't want to pass up the opportunity. We get along amazingly well, he understands me, I understand him, we have so much fun together. The thing is, he's two years older than me but has 'lived' a lot more, in a relationship sense. He's had about 10 girlfriends and has been with other girls, including two serious long termers. He now has a good idea of what type of girl he wants and has made it clear that he's very serious about me and sees a future together, definitely marriage and kids and all that. My problem is that I'm WAY less experienced in this area. I only lost my virginity at 21 and have had only one long term relationship which ended badly. I feel like he has way ahead of me in the whole 'knowing what I want' thing. It's not that I'm immature, but sometimes I really feel the difference in age and life lived. He's also partied a lot, done lots of drugs etc, something I haven't really done. I've no interest in drugs, but I feel like I still have some partying left to do, some 'wild times'. Saying that, I guess if I had really wanted that lifestyle, I'd have done it during college, and I didn't. So basically I sort of feel like we're at different places in life. I feel like I need to experience more before settling down but at the same time, I don't know if I'd ever meet a guy like this one again. I know these thoughts are premature as we're not even together long, but it's concerning me a bit. Has anyone else had these feelings?

Wurly

Unregistered wrote: »

I feel like I need to experience more before settling down

Well when you say that - do you mean experience being with more people or just general experiences?

If its just general experiences, why does it have to be your relationship or this? You can do both.

Also - its dangerous to compare your life to that of someone else. You dont have to have done x amount of things by the time you are y age. Everyone is different and you don't have be with loads of people and do drugs etc just to know you want to settle down or whatever.

Playing the field and wild parties etc can be fun, sure. But they tend to be hollow experiences sometimes too.

I understand you are young and cant contemplate the settling down thing. So don't contemplate it for now. Go with the flow for a while. The relationship is still growing. You could break up with him in a year's time over something unrelated. So enjoy it now for what it is.

If however, you do want to be with other people at this moment in time - then you do need to make a choice. No one can tell you what that choice should be. You have to do what feels right for yourself.

Best of luck.;)

LegacyUser

I guess I mean being with more people. As I've only had one boyfriend, I feel like I have little to compare my bf to, and don't have a good idea of what I want/don't want. My bf has been with lots of different girls so he knows what he wants at this stage. I guess I will just enjoy it and go with the flow for the moment. The reason I'm concerned if I'm afraid to break his heart. He is sure I'm the perfect girl for him and sees a future with me, and I'm definitely not sure yet. Still, that isn't my fault and I guess I should stop worrying about other peoples feelings more than my own (this has always been a problem of mine!)

SarahSassy

You are reaching for the stars but ignoring the roses at your feet... He treats you well, he is committed to you and you are mad about him - stick with it.. Good ones are very hard to come by.

prinz

Do what you want OP, go get something to "compare" him by, realise that a lot of guys will treat you like crap, rue the fact that you left a great guy, wish you could go back to him, and find he's not interested in taking you back, then curse the fact that you left him in the first place. Happens all the time.

As Trí said the whole notion of being 'experienced' by a certain age or to before you reach a level of commitment is total bull.

Rb

What prinz said.

You've got something good, hold on to it, there's a hell of a lot of people with loads of "experience" out there who'd give it all away for someone who cared about them.

prinz

prinz wrote: »

Do what you want OP, go get something to "compare" him by, realise that a lot of guys will treat you like crap, rue the fact that you left a great guy, wish you could go back to him, and find he's not interested in taking you back, then curse the fact that you left him in the first place. Happens all the time.

As Trí said the whole notion of being 'experienced' by a certain age or to before you reach a level of commitment is total bull.

I don't think it's bull at all. I would have made a huge mistake in marrying my first boyfriend. Thought he was great at the time, but he wasn't for me at all. I think it's really important to have a few relationships before settling down. There were a lot of things about my first BF I accepted as 'normal' which I now realise were major flaws.

LegacyUser

Can you give examples of some of these flaws?

SarahSassy

BUt that doesnt apply to everyone. I know people who are happily married to their 'firsts'.

prinz

[quote=[Deleted User];60723441] I think it's really important to have a few relationships before settling down. There were a lot of things about my first BF I accepted as 'normal' which I now realise were major flaws.[/quote]


I didn't propose people marry their first boyfriend/girlfriend. There's a difference between having a few relationships before settling down when you find the right person, and deliberately ending a good relationship because you want to try someone else just for the sake of being 'experienced'. She may never find a guy to treat her as well as this guy again... would that have been worth it?

kev_s88

i know how ya feel OP...its the exact same with my GF...except im the one who is 2 years older (im 20, shes 18) and shes always telling me how she feels ive done so much more with my life than she has (were both in 1st year college by the way) and that ive much more life experience...

i guess what you have to decide is just how much do you like this person and how do you feel about them...and how much would you be willing to give up for him or how much you think he'd be willing to give up for you...because in my case i know ive decided to back off a little bit and let my GF get on with things and just keep things kinda casual between us, while still being serious about eachother if ya get my drift...all you can really do is talk it through with him and gauge his thoughts on this matter and how you feel about it all

This

He has 12 years on me..... I dont tend to think about his past life expirences.... Its the here and now thats important....just enjoy being with him and see where it takes you....