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Do on/off relationships ever FINALLY work?

  • 15-06-2009 8:49am
    #1
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭


    Briefly, I've been involved with a guy for 15 years now. We lived together in our 20's - split up because I wanted to be 'free'. We both met other people, but got back together three years later. Didn't live together that time, but spent over a year in a relationship and eventually split, because he wanted to be 'free'. In our late 30's, we got back together here and there, for a few months at a time.

    And now we're both 40 and back together two months.

    I love him dearly. And he loves me and treats me very well. We've both had kids and he's a great dad to his 2 boys. We see alot of them and do alot of 'family' stuff as I have a son who's dad is not involved.

    So here we are, both 40, and sick of messing around and both maintaining that 'This is it' and I'm really hoping that this IS it and we'll finally settle down together. I'm just wondering if others have been in similar relationships and finally got it together after messing with each others heads for such a long time?? Or are we doomed because of our history?


Comments

  • #2
    Wibbs
    Moderators, Science, Health & Environment Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 60,217 Mod ✭✭✭✭Wibbs


    I can think of one couple anyway very similar to you. They split for 8 years at one point. They're still together now after what must be 6 odd years. They fell for others people bt just kept coming back to each other. So it can work and I'd say the stage in life you're both at makes it more likely I reckon.

    Rejoice in the awareness of feeling stupid, for that’s how you end up learning new things. If you’re not aware you’re stupid, you probably are.



  • #3
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    Hi, my husband and I broke up up numerous times (including a split where we saw other people) but are happily married now...it turned out that it was my phobia of getting married that was the issue. For these relationships to work something has to change, you can not just repeat the same thing again. Best wishes.


  • #4
    This
    Closed Accounts Posts: 191 ✭✭This


    it works if the 2 people involve want it to work and keep fighting for it


  • #5
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    Nothing is doomed unless you choose it to be.

    Try living in the moment and appreciating him and how happy he makes you.

    Don't worry about the future. It's not here yet. And your past no longer exists.

    All you have is now. Make the most of it. None of us are here forever so be glad that you are here and he is here.

    I know this sounds over simplistic but it's better than wrecking your head over what may or may not happen down the line. What way is that to live? Live in the moment and you'll be happier. Always.

    Best of luck.;)


  • #6
    LegacyUser
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 166,026 ✭✭✭✭LegacyUser


    So it CAN work? That's good to hear. I often wonder if we are just each others '2nd best' - like I always knew when things weren't working out with another man, that I could go back to him. And he's felt the same about me.


    So is it destiny or laziness on both our parts?

    Like I said, we're both 40 and its' been 15yrs since we first met and here we are...still in the honeymoon period of this relationship (again!) We really should just live for the moment though shouldn't we, and not dwell on how things went wrong in the past. I ask this because we had one of those deep and meaningful conversations last night and decided that we DO want to be together and we're both too old in the tooth to continue to mess each other around.

    I am terrified though.


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  • #7
    This
    Closed Accounts Posts: 191 ✭✭This


    its ok to be scared. but its not ok to give something a go just coz ur scared.

    just go for it safe in the knowledge u are both giving a 100%

    and as for being eachothers 2nd best its not true..... love is always complicated....


  • #8
    Wurly
    Closed Accounts Posts: 3,095 ✭✭✭Wurly


    Unregistered wrote: »

    I am terrified though.

    You wont be if you choose to live in the moment . Don't allow fear to ruin your happiness. Embrace what's happening in the here and now.

    It's normal to be scared. But don't let fear run away with you or it could sabotage your happiness.

    When a fearful thought comes into your head, dismiss it. It's not actually reality. It is merely a thought. And you control your thoughts, remember.


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