Dating An Irish Girl

LegacyUser

A bit of intro:I'm 24,was born in Africa.I've lived in many african countries,in France for 5 years and America for 5 years as well.I've now been in UK for 6 years.

I've been going out with an Irish girl for 6 months now;she is 20.We met at work,while attending a staff training course.In it,I was so bored that I began writing poetry (do this often when bored/in spare time....)Initially the poem was about the roman goddes Venus but then midway through it,I decided to dedicate to her and in the process asked her out.She was so chuffed that she gave me her number right away.The 1st date followed shortly afterwards;since then things have been progressing well.We have a lot in common:similar lifestyles (music,eating out...) and are also both practicing Catholics.To cut the long story short,we love each other...but will take each day as it comes.the "master plan":marriage,kids...will come later.

Having said all of this;there are certain aspects of her upbringing & "Irish Culture" I find hard to deal with:
1)she told me that I was the 1st boyfriend she has had who was not "set up" by her mother.BTW,though her Mum is yet to meet me;she approves me.
2)She claims that in a "traditional Irish family" the woman should subserviant to the man.For example,she says that as "the man",I should pick places where we go out.Granted that she's new in the town,but then she can surely make suggestions!!!
3)She insist on staying a virgin till her wedding night.This is very admirable,there is no way I'm going to pressurise her or worse cheat on her but then that begs other questions:are we not supposed to try before we buy??what if a marriage broke down due to a poor sex life?

I'm sorry for writing something so long and for the generalisation but I hope you can enlighten me on the points I've raised.Thanks

prinz

guest11 wrote: »

Having said all of this;there are certain aspects of her upbringing & "Irish Culture" I find hard to deal with:
1)she told me that I was the 1st boyfriend she has had who was not "set up" by her mother.BTW,though her Mum is yet to meet me;she approves me.

I wonder if she'd approve of you after reading this. The mind boggles, but that could happen anywhere any time. Nothing about that situation is reflective of Irish culture or society. Why you'd have to 'deal' with that anyway is beyond me tbh.

guest11 wrote: »

2)She claims that in a "traditional Irish family" the woman should subserviant to the man.For example,she says that as "the man",I should pick places where we go out.Granted that she's new in the town,but then she can surely make suggestions!!!

Actually in most traditional Irish families it was the other way around, while men thought the ruled the roost, and were allowed maintain that pretence in fact within the home the woman was often boss. We had a matriarchal society.

guest11 wrote: »

3)She insist on staying a virgin till her wedding night.This is very admirable,there is no way I'm going to pressurise her or worse cheat on her but then that begs other questions:are we not supposed to try before we buy??what if a marriage broke down due to a poor sex life?

A practicing Catholic said that :eek: I am shocked and appalled . As a "supposedly practicing Catholic" yourself you should know the answer to that? Who are you trying to fool?

RealistSpy

Culture stuff can be annoying sometimes to be honest. I ask myself this question I will follow your culture but what about my culture? what if they clash?

Anyways to answer your question. Why don't you try talking to her? Not about the sex I am sure you will get to "try before buy" as you put it but have you thought maybe she wants to know what kind of a guy you are?

You will have to tell her how you really feel or else you will become unhappy after a while.

Gemini Sister

Are you sure she's really Irish?

Doesn't sound Irish. Very peculiar.

upmeath

guest11 wrote: »

2)She claims that in a "traditional Irish family" the woman should subserviant to the man.For example,she says that as "the man",I should pick places where we go out.Granted that she's new in the town,but then she can surely make suggestions!!!

It's not that they're subserviant to men, it's that they like us to show a bit of initiative. Most girls I've gone out with like to be surprised and like to know you've put a bit of thought into planning your night out. Your Irish gf seems to fall into this bracket, meaning yes, you should be taking the bull by the horns, and it will more often than not (but not always) be left up to you to decide on social activities, where to eat out, what film to go see, what pub to head out to, etc. Show that you're decisive and in control. I don't think this is purely an Irish quality, I've seen it in American and British girls too, they like to be thought of, and like the night out to seem effortless. If that means spending 10mins earlier in the evening looking through restaurant listings and a 30sec phone conversation to book a table, so be it. But they're not second class citizens, they're definitely not subserviant!

RacoonQueen

This isn't reflective of Irish culture, more of the Roman Catholic culture which is still prevalent in Ireland today and is more common in the older generations. That being said, I know some people in their 20's who do rule the way they live by what the bible says etc that is not common amongst young Irish women. I don't see why you would find points 1 and 2 difficult to deal with?

ad1

these are certainly not the characteristics of all irish girls... so if she's using this excuse to justify her decisions, i'm not sure if that's fair. Next time she says that something is such a way because that's the way things are in irish culture, i'd ask her what it is that she wants/doesn't want rather than what set of rules she's following.
Maybe she's just hiding behind that as she knows you don't know enough about irish culture to question her decisions.
Sorry if i'm not being clear...

LegacyUser

ad1 wrote: »

these are certainly not the characteristics of all irish girls... so if she's using this excuse to justify her decisions, i'm not sure if that's fair. Next time she says that something is such a way because that's the way things are in irish culture, i'd ask her what it is that she wants/doesn't want rather than what set of rules she's following.
Maybe she's just hiding behind that as she knows you don't know enough about irish culture to question her decisions.
Sorry if i'm not being clear...

Yeah that makes perfect sense. She's not being totally straight. Perhaps because she's so young, she's protecting herself with this fake irish culture thing. Scared to take initiative? Blame culture? Scared of family reaction? Blame culture. Fearful of sex? Blame culture.

Look after this girl.

PK2008

As far as I can remember the traditional Irish family was an alcoholic father who saw more of the pub than his kids and a mother built like brick 5hithouse, with arms like Tyson and an ass as wide as the Liffey from having 8 kids.

Whatever the traditional is this girl definetly doesnt sound typical, she sounds a little naive to me but then each to their own- give it a shot